Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Silver Linings and All That Shit

Tomorrow is the big day for The Girl. Exactly 1 week from her 13th birthday, she's having her braces put on.
Pic Courtesy

And she's excited about it.

WTF, right? So many WTFs right now, it's not funny.

WTF #1- She wants braces. She's looking forward to braces. She's been begging for braces. Not so much because she wants her teeth straightened, but because in this day and age, braces are cool. Which leads me to...

WTF #2- Braces are cool? Since when? 15 (cough)... 20 (cough)... Okay, fine... 25 years ago when I had them put on, they were the devil. No one wanted braces. Braces were a necessary evil your parents forced you to go through; a rite of passage into the teenage years; another horrible part of puberty, as if the pimples, greasy hair and weird ass hair growth (sorry, not weird ass hair growth, like weird ass hair growth... maybe a hyphen is needed for that? Weird-ass hair growth. Better? Fuck it) wasn't horrible enough, your parents threw in braces. And for me? A lovely head gear. I'm just
thankful my parents didn't make me wear it during sleepovers- Thanks Mom and Dad. But now? Now, braces are cool. Braces are a fashion statement. Braces are desired. So bizarre.

WTF #3- My kid is old enough for braces. My oldest has lost all of her baby teeth, has wisdom teeth forming, and is getting braces. Next week, she turns 13. That's the teenage-years. WTF? I can NOT be old enough to have a teenager. I refuse to be old enough to have a teenager. I'm officially turning back the clock on my years.

She keeps asking what she'll be able to eat and what she won't be able to eat. No matter how many times Hubby and I tell her that for the next few days, she'll want to curl up into a ball and punch babies in the face, she doesn't get it. She thinks she'll be fine. She doesn't understand the soreness that IS getting your braces put on. Oh, but tomorrow, tomorrow she will know it in all its glory.

And it makes me giggle. Not because my kid will be in pain, but because Hubby and I, once again, will be proven right. When your kids get to be this age- in the middle of this "I know everything; you can't tell me anything; not even if you lived through it and experienced it first hand- I still know more than you" phase (please, Goddess above, make this phase end soon), you enjoy being right. You especially enjoy that moment when you get to utter those 4 orgasmic words: I told you so. 

Just thinking about it, I can't help but smile.

So tomorrow it is, first thing in the morning, we will be spending hours at the orthodontist while The Girl gets exactly what she's been wishing for, for months now.

And I will be feeling even older than I am right now. Then next week, she'll turn 13, and I'll flip out.

I'm not old enough for this. I still wear Batman underoos (with a matching Batman bra, thank you). I have Happy Bunny tattooed on my ass. I still enjoy finger painting, and get covered in clay while at a clay class (this morning- so much fun!). I can NOT have an almost-teenager in braces.

Le sigh. At least I have Being Right to look forward to tomorrow evening, when The Girl is eating the apple sauce I bought for her- the same apple sauce she said she wouldn't need.

Silver linings and all that shit, I guess.


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