Saturday, January 24, 2015

I'm Done Being a Military Wife

I think I'm done being a Military Wife.

Oh, no, Hubby and I are fine- I'm not that type of done. I'm still the proud wife of a military member (and trolls, spare me the "there's no such thing as a military wife" bullshit- I got enough from y'all on my Dependa youtube video; apparently humor is lost on trolls...), but I'm getting so done with how military wives treat each other, that I'd like to withdraw my connection to most of them, please.

Is there a form to fill out? Can I go to Family Support for that?

This morning I woke... early... insomnia is still majorly screwing with me with Hubby not here right now.... so I grabbed my phone and started checking my facebook updates and whatnot. My news feed was filled with pictures, articles, questions asked to various groups I'm in, and then a post from a deployed military member to the base yard sale group, suggesting that maybe extreme couponers could take their stockpile extras and donate them to care packages for deployed military instead of selling them on the yard sale site.

Amen, military chica. Amen.

I'm an extreme couponer myself (need to get back into it, actually, as I've strayed in the last few months), and it makes my eye twitch to see people sell their stockpile items. I understand it might be a way for a military spouse to make some extra money, but they clear the shelves in the grocery store just to sell the items, and when I get to the store to get my items my family will use, there aren't any left. Plus, I'm really proud of my stockpile; we may never use 127 cans of shaving cream, but dammit, I acquired them for free. If I ever needed to get rid of them, I'd just donate. I have sold stockpile items in the past, when I first started couponing years ago, and I felt dirty about it. So, I never did it again.

Anyway, I digress- back to the post. Most of the comments supported the original poster. Of course, you have to have your troll- and the military lists are FULL of them.

Never mind what her negative comment was, the point is she made it. On military wives lists, or yard sale lists, or mom lists, or school lists, or whatever, there's always someone who makes that comment- usually you'll find quite a few of these people. I understand there are trolls everywhere, but there seems to be an unusually large number of them on military-related lists and groups.

I haven't quite figured it out, and I'm not sure if I ever will. Of course, I have many different hypotheses:
  1. Military bases have a high concentration of people from all walks of life in a small area. Statistically speaking, there's going to be more trolls per capita than in areas with fewer people, or where the people are from similar backgrounds.
  2. Military wives are bored and have nothing better to do with their lives than troll military lists.
  3. Military wives are miserable people and just want to bring everyone else down to the swamps, emotionally speaking, where they reside, to make themselves feel better.
  4. The moms of these military wives didn't teach them when they were children, If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
  5. The military did some type of personality screening and purposefully placed all the trolls here, at the base I'm at, to keep them all contained and in one area. Highly unlikely, but still possible. If that were true, though, I'm saddened as to how we got stationed here...
Because I have been a military wife for 15 years now, I do know that #2 and #3 aren't absolutes and do not apply to all military wives. I think #2 and #3 are simply a product of #1- high concentration of people leads to there statistically being more of the women who are bored and unhappy with their lives in a small area. So, for the sake of argument, we'll just go ahead and say that, out of the 5 options above, #1 is probably the most accurate hypothesis, though the other options make me giggle way more. (I love being a nerd.)

Whatever is going on, I'm done with it. My kids and I went to a local homeschooling group this past Tuesday- off base and with very few military families. My kids were accepted immediately by the other children, as was I accepted by the other moms. There were people from all walks of life there, but instead of judging one another based on their differences, these women embraced the differences, shared their stories and learned from others' stories. The atmosphere was loving, relaxed and beautiful.

As soon as the kids and I returned home, and turned down the street that led to base housing, I felt as if someone had just taken all of the oxygen out of the car and replaced it with carbon monoxide. I couldn't breathe. I felt, and saw, this dark, metaphorical cloud hanging over base housing, and as we drove into it, I felt like we were driving into the pits of hell. 

Maybe that's what it is- this base sits on portal to a demonic dimension. Well that makes sense...

Energetically speaking, base housing just sucked the life from me, after having been in a place of positive energy and acceptance. I rushed to our home, frantically pushed myself inside and could breathe again. My house may be in base housing, but I've created such a positive haven that it doesn't feel like it's in base housing.

These people, my neighbors (and I'm speaking about all the military families and wives in the area as "my neighbors") are the opposite of what I feel military life, and military wives, should be.
  • Military wives are supposed to be supportive of one another because we know what it's like to be a military wife.
  • Military wives are supposed to accept other military wives for who they are, because they know we all come from different areas, with different stories to tell, but we all have at least one thing in common.
  • Military wives are supposed to be family-away-from-family for other military wives because we know how hard it is to be thousands of miles from loved ones.
  • Military wives are supposed to be there for one another, because we know what it's like to be a single parent while our husbands are deployed or gone.
  • Military wives are supposed to make life easier for one another, because we know how much military life sucks as it is sometimes.
  • Military wives are supposed to teach their kids respect and acceptance of other kids, because they know how difficult moving around so much is to a child.
Great post over here...
But no. I'm surrounded by military wives who'd rather kick each other down than pick each other up. I'm surrounded by women who sit in their homes and pick fights on facebook with people 2 houses down from them, because, well, it's easy or fun to do. I'm surrounded by women who'd rather judge a new family that moves in by the clothes they wear or the size of the TV the movers are unloading, than bake them some cookies and welcome them to the neighborhood. I'm surrounded by women who talk shit about the fact that a mom pulled their kids from school to homeschool them. I'm surrounded by women who don't teach their children manners or how to accept others, so their children turn into bullies and pick on other children. And I'm surrounded by women who call me a bitch because... yeah, still haven't figured that one out yet, as none of them have ever even tried to get to know me, and I've been nice to them in the little interaction I've ever even had with them. Maybe they read my blog and took things personally, which, if they aren't guilty of the action, they should be able to read it, laugh, and nod their heads in agreement like 99% of you all will do as you read this, not get offended. (What's really bad is I actually have more than one post, written in the last few years about my base-life, to support what my post today is all about- click the links above...)

So, I'm done. I'm done being a "military wife" if being a military wife means I have to become a troll and judge my fellow mom/woman/wife. I'm done, if it means I have to hate my life and cause drama for others around me. I'm done, if it means I have to extend the dark cloud over my house, too.

Please don't get me wrong in the fact that I have met some amazeballs women in the last 15 years of my husband's military career. I've met women who have remained my true friends over the years, and who will be friends of mine, probably forever. Ironically enough, the amazing women I've met are all the oddballs of each base; didn't really fit it with "regular" military wives, and felt them to be catty and drama-filled. The amazing women I've clicked with were loners, too, refusing to reduce themselves down into the swamp just to communicate with the neighbors. The amazing women who became my family embodied everything I think I military wife should be, and what I strive to be.

But as for the majority of what I've seen from military wives around here, I'm done. I seem to have found my family in the homeschooling group off base, with the families who accept my kids and I for who we are instead of judging us for being new or different- And with my random few oddball ladies who have become my sisters; I wouldn't ever be done with you all. 

It's really a damn shame, if you think about it. So many families and women, with different stories, in one tight-nit area, that could learn from one another and support one another, making life enjoyable for each other. But instead, they put on their troll masks and go to town causing negativity and making life miserable for those around them, to the point where positive people have to go off-base to find acceptance. It's pretty sad if you think about it, and such a waste of a potentially good thing.

Oh, well. For my family and I, we're done. We're on to focusing on bringing joy to those who bring us joy, as life should be. 

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  1. I'll never understand, whether it's a military family or not, why on Earth people can't just be nice to one another. I completely get what you are saying, though and I applaud that you aren't going to allow yourself to be sucked into the nonsense. So happy that you found support and acceptance with your homeschooling group! Good to know they recognize awesome when they see it! ;)

    1. I'm so trying to hug you through the computer... ;)

  2. Morgan I just never know what to expect from you but it's always eye opening for sure. The fact women can be so catty is always a sour spot for me but it is real and a shame for sure. Hope you can create some distance from that for sure. Hope the home school journey is coming along well. Chat soon xo

    1. Thanks, girlie. It's always a pleasure when you stop by!! ;)

  3. Amen Sista! People here seem to amaze me everyday! What happened to sympathy and understanding? Seems like people are way to busy here judging

  4. I haven't seen first hand how military wives can be, even though I am one myself & have been to social gatherings with them but we don't live on base. There really is nowhere to live on base, it's a small base, a training facility. Women are catty, manipulative, & just plain mean. Which is why I have very few close girlfriends. I don't do drama or degrading others, I'm an oddball too. Good for you for claiming back your life & doing what's best for you & your family!