Friday, November 28, 2014

Friday Frenzy: I Have the Perfect Body!

(Today's Friday Frenzy post come from Mari over at Living in Mommywood. Her bold attitude and similar view on life had me loving her from the moment I hit her blog. She writes about motherhood, womanhood, society, and her philosophy on life: Live, Love, Laugh. I seriously adore this woman, so please check her out!! ~Tatted Mom)


I Have the Perfect Body

Wow now that's a bold title!

Really, is it?

Heck no!

In my eyes, in my mirror...I have the perfect body.

I feel comfortable in my own skin.

I eat right, I use moderation in my choices and don't deprive myself of any treats. I don't beat myself up if I have pizza, and I pat myself on the back when I pass on that piece of cake.

I workout several times a week, but you will never find me in a gym. That is not the setting for me. I practice Yoga, and walk in the park, and go up and down stairs when I can. I also opt for walking and leave my car when I am in the mood.

I take care of my skin and all around hygiene. I don't mistreat my face with products that promise

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Cheese Farts, and Other Birthday Happenings for The Ginger

10 years ago today, The Ginger was born. He surprised us back then (we were told, based on 2 ultrasounds, that he was a she), and surprises me every single day since then.

You can read all about his birth here. I promise you, it's a doozie of a birth story.

But today I want to talk about this birthday, his 10th birthday.

He came to me 4 days ago with a list.

Me: What's this?
The Ginger: The list of kids I want to invite to my birthday party.
Me: Honey... it's too late for a party. We talked about this 2 weeks ago...

The look of devastation on his face almost killed me. He crumpled up the paper, threw it into the trash, and ran off to his room.

I let him vent for a few minutes and then called him back downstairs.

Me: Honey, do you remember when you got home from your friend's birthday party 2 weeks ago and you said you wanted a party?
The Ginger: Yeah.
Me: Do you remember what I told you?
The Ginger: No.
Me: I told you then, that if you really wanted a party, we needed to spend the next day making your invitations, because they needed to go to school with you that Monday. You have to give people at least a week to RSVP, and the RSVP should be about a week before the party so we

Friday, November 21, 2014

Friday Frenzy- I've Got Balls of Steel

(Today I'm very happy to welcome Mary from Outmanned here for Friday Frenzy. Being the only female in a house full of males (though she's pregnant with a girl now!), she writes her way through the hilarious happenings. Every one of her posts makes me laugh out loud, so definitely check her out!! ~Tatted Mom)

I've Got Balls Of Steel

Ever since 50 Shades of Grey took the stay at home mom market by the nipple clamps, Ben Wa balls have started popping up (hopefully not out!) everywhere. As an over-worked, under-rested, I-can't-remember-the-last-time-I-had-sex mother of two, I naturally assumed that I had about as much use for a pair of Ben Wa balls as I did an alarm clock or a bathroom door.

Surely, sex toys are for energetic sex-nymphs with delicate vaginas: the kind that should only be talked about in hushed, reverent tones, and inspire floral paintings. Mine, on the other hand, is gnarled and scarred like a war veteran. She is hard as nails. Don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for my vagina, but my overwhelming thought while reading 50 Shades was "Oh honey, my vagina could eat you for breakfast."

What use did I have for Ben Wa balls when the closest thing I was having to kinky sex was the time I fell asleep half-way through?

Ben Wa balls offer more than a smutty story to tell your friends. The muscles used to hold the marble-sized steel balls in your vagina are the same muscles responsible for stopping urinary

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Work-at-Home Mom's Ultimate Fantasy

Today, I'm absolutely knackered (and maybe have been watching too much of the British TV show "Call the Midwife"). I'm on the verge of throwing myself a small Pity Party, complete with Cheese and Whine and I-Scream.
Sorry, just my witty sense of humor...

This is a pretty rare occurrence, so I think you should join me.

I find myself fantasizing every day now, caught in a particular daydream at different points throughout my packed schedule; a daydream that is so amazing that I never want to come back to reality.

Ryan Gosling? Nope, not this time.

This fantasy involves my family- sometimes the kids, sometimes Hubby, sometimes the whole gang, looking right at me, holding out a hand, concern in their eyes, and saying, "Mom/Honey, what can I do to help you with everything?"

OMG, the bliss. I get all excited just thinking about it, then I'm plummeted back into reality and continue dusting, or vacuuming, or folding clothes.

I completely understood what I was getting myself into when Hubby and I got back together 3 years

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Surging My Kids into My Past

I ordered a 12 pack of Surge last week.

Yes, the heart-attack-inducing, tastes-how-I-envision-ghosts'-ectoplasm-tasting, colored-like-something-from-a-nuclear-waste-site Surge.

Shipping details say it will be here today.

I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve right now.

As a parent, will I be sharing Surge with my kids, aged 12 and almost 10?

You bet your sweet ass I am.

I'm the Mom who forces the 80s and 90s on my kids. They've seen "The Goonies," (The Ginger liked it more than The Girl), "The Princess Bride" (didn't like it), "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (liked that one), the TV show "All That" (they loved it), "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" (The Girl adores that show), and countless other fave movies and shows from my childhood ("Camp Nowhere" and "Newsies" are next, and I was totally bummed to find seasons 1 and 2 of "Blossom" available, but due to legal rights of songs in the show, no more seasons of "Blossom" will ever be released on DVD. Super saddening...).

I'm not quite sure why I introduce so many things from my childhood to my kids. I've talked with other moms; I seem to be the biggest 80s/90s Dealer of them all, offering my kids episodes of "Saved By the Bell" like they are crack. ("Here, just try one episode, please... We don't have to watch any more if you don't like this one, just give it a try.") Most moms I know just let their kids watch what

Friday, November 14, 2014

Friday Frenzy: Time to Burn My Nursing Bra

(Today I welcome Cristi from Easy Being Mom for today's Friday Frenzy post. She started her blog as a form of writing through the craziness that is being a stay-at-home-mom, so I could immediately relate to her posts. Her blog is cute, funny and full of stories that make you realize you aren't alone in this world when it comes to parenting. Definitely check her out!! ~Tatted Mom) 

Time to Burn My Nursing Bra
Pic Courtesy

It’s finally happened, after over 4 years of nursing my two boys I have moved past the nursing stage!  It really feels like forever since my boobs were my own; my littlest boy took some time to get the idea of nursing but once he started he never wanted to stop!  He’s nearly three now and the only reason he’s not still nursing is because the little bugger bit me so hard that my left breast ached for days.  He wasn’t happy about it but adjusted surprisingly quickly; it took about three days for me to be able to hold him without worrying about having my clothes ripped off and my boob mangled!

You know it’s time to stop nursing when the baby (toddler!) is able to access the food supply on his own.  No matter what shirt I wore or which bra, he was somehow able to worm himself in there.  It was only when I had a sweatshirt on that he was truly stymied (but who wants to wear a sweatshirt all summer, even when it’s the crappiest summer we’ve had in a long time!)

So now I’m free.  My husband asked me the other day if I felt less connected to my boy now that he

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Change is Upon Us (Working Title: My Chocolate Boob Life)

I've spent a couple of weeks contemplating whether or not I should write this post. No, it's not about a controversial parenting topic, or my opinion on a headline-making subject.

It's simply about me, and sometimes that's scary, putting yourself out there to the world.
Pic Courtesy

I'm going through a change right now (no, not the change; I'm only 33... though I wouldn't mind not being a raging bitch having a period once a month), and it took a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday to make me realize that it was time for this post, time to word-vomit it all out and see what happened.

So let's just jump right in, feet first. I'm really good at doing that in life...

5 years ago, you all would not have recognized me. 99% of you would not have liked me. If I had a blog back then, I can probably guarantee that any readers I had were just there for the drama. I was an extremely negative person, drama-filled, addicted to causing strife in people's lives who had wronged me.

Far cry from the meditating, positive, tree-hugging, respectfully opinionated and eloquently-spoken person I am today, huh? My friend told me she couldn't picture me that way. I told her she didn't want to.

Hell, I hated myself back then. But you fall into these destructive patterns, and it's like a huge, negative snowball rolling after you, that you have to feed with fire and rage to stay 1 step ahead of it or else it will crush you. I chose to stay ahead of the snowball by trying to make everyone around me just as miserable as I was.

Then I woke up one morning and I had no idea who I was. I had no idea who my kids were, and I saw my life for the crumbling heap that it was. I didn't want to be that person anymore; not for my sanity, not for my kids, not for my future.

So I ran away. Most people would say that's not a healthy option, that you need to stay and face your demons. Not for me. For me, running away allowed me to clear my head from the negativity in my

Friday, November 7, 2014

Friday Frenzy: When Best Laid Plans Go Bad

(Today, I'm happy to welcome Traci from A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen's Momma. Her blog hilariously chronicles her daily life as a mom of 4- three of which are "slightly" dramatic girls. Her facebook posts alone have me laughing so hard, realizing I'm not the only one who goes through some of this crazy motherhood stuff. Definitely check her out! Thanks, Traci!! ~Tatted Mom)


When Best Laid Plans Go Bad

Things don't always go as planned in parenting. Even the best intentions and well thought out plans can go awry. For us, the problem began with a blanket. Not just any blanket. THE blanket. The blanket that we swore would not be a problem long before our daughter was even born. You see, we are SMART parents and learned our lesson the first time. We were not going to let our fourth child grow an attachment to any particular item.

No matter what.

But as I said....best laid plans...

It all started with child number two. She was addicted to the binky. You know. THAT child. She couldn't function without that thing hanging out of her drooly little mouth. She slept with it, ate with it, even talked with it. And some days, she double fisted that sucker, and slurped on two of them at the same time! It was pure torture (mostly for us) to take that thing away because we are worn down wimps, which led to her having it well past what would be considered "kosher" in the parenting world. (She was three when we finally conquered that battle)

But we are smart. So we learned our lesson, and adapted a NEW plan with child number three. NO binky. Solved that problem. (Pats self on the back)

Fast forward to child number three. Since she didn't have a binky to attach herself to, she instead

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

WTF Wednesday- All My Favorite Shows are Getting Axed

I'm about done with television. I know I spend too much of my time watching it as it is, but when my favorite shows start getting cancelled, I'm thinking it's either a sign from above or a personal vendetta against me- one or the other.
"Witches of East End" RIP (Sigh)
Pic Courtesy and Article

First it was "Manhattan Love Story." Apparently this show got cancelled before I even started watching it this past weekend. I was laying in bed, recuperating from our Halloween garage walk-through, wanting to just lose myself for approximately 22 minutes. Cue "Manhattan Love Story" on Hulu.

Cute. Funny. Let you into the inner thoughts of men and women during the dating process. Unique, and I fell in love immediately.

Only to find that the 4 episodes on Hulu were the only 4 episodes that were ever going to air. That show got the ax back on October 24th. Well damn.

Then it was "A to Z," an adorable account of one couple's relationship "from a to z." It had the mom from "How I Met Your Mother" on it, so I figured it would work out and be a hit among HIMYM fans.

I was wrong. That show got the ax, too, but at least they are allowing the remaining episodes to air.

Then my friend tagged me in an article on facebook about how "Witches of East End" had been cancelled after 2 seasons.

WTF!! NOT "WITCHES OF EAST END!!" NOOOOOO....

That show is amazing. It's so cheesy, and so far fetched, that you HAVE to love it. And the cast is

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Our CarnEvil Garage Walk-through for Trick-or-Treaters

I've spent months talking about getting ready for Halloween, and pulling together our CarnEvil walk-through for the trick-or-treaters. Now that Halloween is done and over with for the year, and our CarnEvil went off without a hitch, I can finally share the pictures and video with you all, dear Inklingers.
Ringmaster and Creepy Clown
(Hubby and I)

It was AMAZING!!! We scared some kids, some parents, and even ourselves at some points. But, I felt the walk-through was a pretty even mixture of scary and cheesy, so much so that we had very brave 3 year olds go through, by themselves, and stare Hubby in the face when he (dressed as a creepy clown) popped out to scare them. (I got to watch a staring contest go down between Hubby and a Ninja Turtle who was 1/4 Hubby's size. It was epic.)

And, we had kids running and screaming for their lives. Pretty epic, too.

Hubby got high fives from dads holding screaming children, and my friend (the Bearded Lady) was getting compliments as she handed out candy to the kids who didn't want to attempt the walk-through. Overall, I don't think we had one negative thing said, and we got thanked about a thousand times, which yes, brought tears to my over-emotional face.

So now y'all get to see the behind-the-scenes look at some of the crafts, the diagram layout, and the video at the end has not only the walk-through (video quality kind of sucks, but it was dark), but more photos of the actual set-up inside. 

Overall, with crafts, costumes, plastic drapes and props from Spirit Halloween, I want to say we