Thursday, December 11, 2014

Game of War and Banana Smears

I just want to thank Kate Upton for stealing my husband from me.

Thanks to that damn commercial she did for the "Game of War" cell phone game, I haven't seen my husband's face in weeks. And all he talks about are alliances, battles and loyalty.
Pic Courtesy

I swear, he thinks this shit is real.

So this morning, the shit did get real- for him, when it comes to this game. I'll set the scene for you, before unleashing our conversation.

I had just woken Hubby up for the day, and was sitting on the bed, eating a banana beside him. He grabbed his phone, like he does the second he wakes up, and opened that damn game. I was trying to plan our day, but he was balls deep in his phone. I looked at his screen to see what he was reading that was so damn intense, and saw a long message (you can send messages in this game) with a drawing of a chick beside it.

Me: Who's the chick?
Hubby: (reading)
Me: Hello? Chick? Who is she? Chicks actually play this game?
Hubby: It's not a chick, it's a drawing of a chick.
Me: No shit, Sherlock. It's called an avatar. I might not play your nerd war game, but I know
the lingo, thank you. Who is she?
Hubby: (reading)
Me: Hello???? I'm being ignored here.
Hubby: DAMMIT, WHAT? I'm TRYING to read!!

At that exact moment, I had just taken the last bite of my banana and was chewing. I remained calm, opened my banana peel, and...

Smeared it all over Hubby's bicep.

He looked away from his phone. I was shocked.

Me: You yelled at me. 
Hubby: Yeah, because I was trying to read and you were being trifling.
Me: I was not being trifling.
Hubby: It's just some chick, head of her clan, and we had an alliance, but she's decided to break our alliance because she's afraid of battle. That's who it is. Happy now?
Me: Yep, that's all I wanted. That wasn't hard, was it?
Hubby: No, but damn- why were you bugging me? And why the hell did you smear your banana peel on me?
Me: Two reasons- Number 1, in this day and age, people meet all the time via online games, one thing leads to another, the two of you start complaining about how your wife, and her husband, don't understand the passion the two of you have for the game... which turns into passion for one another, and BAM! Marriages ruined, all because of a game.
Hubby: She's probably some old chick playing games in her basement, eating cheetos.
Me: Maybe, maybe not. And number 2, I have to keep you on your toes. You married a crazy bitch, and every now and then I have to remind you of that. It's either I smear banana on your arm, or smash your windshield with a baseball bat. I think, in light of the alternative method of keeping you alert, you'd be happy I chose the banana.
Hubby: (laughing at this point) Well, for the record, the second option is definitely evidence in a court of law that would support me divorcing you.
Me: Yet another reason why I chose the banana. Now, don't yell at me again, mmmkay?
Hubby: (still laughing) Okay.

And with that, I calmly got up and walked out of the room to throw my banana peel away.

He filled me in while we were doing our running around today of the full story of this chick's clan breaking the alliance and why he was so intensely reading her message this morning. Apparently, it was a pretty huge blow to his alliance.

Or some shit like that. I'm so sick of this game. Seriously.

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  1. ROFL I love it. Banana, or baseball bat to the windsheild... Hmmm decisions decisions. It's too early for this, we need coffee before deciding.

    My only thought was "I'd give him a blow to his alliance..." lol

    Well played!

    1. Thank you, m'dear. I'd like to think I'm winning this Game of Marriage thing, lol. ;)

  2. I've learned that I would much rather mine run off into the sunset with a fellow phone game addict than subject myself to a full blown explanation of that bullshit. Alliances and gemstones and battles,it goes on and on and on until you're looking for the nearest sharp object. I definitely know better than to ask about that nonsense.