Tales from Toddlerville: The Fecking Elf Came Back
So, yeah, Toddlerville has a fecking elf. He arrived last year in a fit of desperation on my part.
Of course, in my fuzzy little daydreams, I neglected to factor in my Boy's monkey-like speed and agility, which are only matched by his natural desire to "examine" ALL THE THINGS. If you can imagine Wreck-It Ralph as a young child, you'd not be far off from my kid. He breaks shite just looking at it.
Which is why our elf Donny didn't do much last year except try to find the highest shelf in the
apartment and play peek-a-boo. Even then he was captured more than once. If Donny was real, he'd never have made it home alive for Christmas.
Don't misunderstand, the kids enjoy looking to see how many inches he's moved, and talking to him from afar, but he's not particularly sought after or adored. Face it, Santa Claus he's not.
Honestly, after his reluctance to start the whole tradition, my Hubs seems to be the most into it. Ok, in actuality he actually makes himself an accessory to all the tattling that comes with the Elf mythology by shouting "I'm going to tell Donny!" when particularly frustrated with our Rebels' behavior. At which point I want to gag him with the damn doll.
I'm sorry to be such a hater; I really am just jealous. Donny the Elf is kinda lame. I try and make him do semi-entertaining things (that can be seen from below and far away). Yes, like a circus performer Donny does his act VERY high up, in places that are practically unreachable by those under 6 feet tall! Since I'm only 5'2", we have to rely on the magic of Christmas, and take care of the little.
So it's understandable, I think, that as the turkey pictures were being replaced by all the obligatory elf arrivals, I decided to do some informal polling on my Facebook page. I was hoping I could renew my enthusiasm for this "holiday tradition" we've saddled ourselves with.
Know what I learned? I'm not alone in my untethered annoyance. Overwhelmingly, people find the whole thing to be a pain in the tuckus, and a particularly creepy one at that. Because, if you've got doll phobias, or maybe even clown phobias, this little night stalker from the North Pole is a guaranteed trigger.
Granted, a few of my peeps find all the impish improv to be delightful. These are, no doubt, the same folks having the elf to do all the naughty and/or super fun creative Pinteresty things. I'm sure their elves have photo albums & Pinterest boards all their own.
Seriously, is it wrong I dream of an adorable way to shove the elf right in their creative A's?!
Call me Serendipity. Ranting, raving, looking for unexpected treasures, & committing random acts of photography. Just hitting my 40s. Wife & Mom of 2 in Toddlerville, NYC. Also Queen of Silver Linings & Leader of Ninja Pirate Fairies.
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