Thursday, November 13, 2014

Change is Upon Us (Working Title: My Chocolate Boob Life)

I've spent a couple of weeks contemplating whether or not I should write this post. No, it's not about a controversial parenting topic, or my opinion on a headline-making subject.

It's simply about me, and sometimes that's scary, putting yourself out there to the world.
Pic Courtesy

I'm going through a change right now (no, not the change; I'm only 33... though I wouldn't mind not being a raging bitch having a period once a month), and it took a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday to make me realize that it was time for this post, time to word-vomit it all out and see what happened.

So let's just jump right in, feet first. I'm really good at doing that in life...

5 years ago, you all would not have recognized me. 99% of you would not have liked me. If I had a blog back then, I can probably guarantee that any readers I had were just there for the drama. I was an extremely negative person, drama-filled, addicted to causing strife in people's lives who had wronged me.

Far cry from the meditating, positive, tree-hugging, respectfully opinionated and eloquently-spoken person I am today, huh? My friend told me she couldn't picture me that way. I told her she didn't want to.

Hell, I hated myself back then. But you fall into these destructive patterns, and it's like a huge, negative snowball rolling after you, that you have to feed with fire and rage to stay 1 step ahead of it or else it will crush you. I chose to stay ahead of the snowball by trying to make everyone around me just as miserable as I was.

Then I woke up one morning and I had no idea who I was. I had no idea who my kids were, and I saw my life for the crumbling heap that it was. I didn't want to be that person anymore; not for my sanity, not for my kids, not for my future.

So I ran away. Most people would say that's not a healthy option, that you need to stay and face your demons. Not for me. For me, running away allowed me to clear my head from the negativity in my
environment, stop old, destructive patterns of behavior, and start to put myself back together again. Inklings was started as a form of therapy for myself, and quickly grew a little bigger than I ever had imagined. Apparently, people seemed to relate to the way I was starting to look at life.

Today, I'm nowhere near the person I used to be. Every now and then, I get met with some negativity from my past, and am slapped with, "People don't change. You are still the drama-filled bitch you used to be." But people can change, and do change. They just have to want to change for that to happen. I wanted to change, and have worked very hard over the last 3-4 years to be the person I am today; happy, non-confrontational, positive, weird, calm, quirky and fun. I've worked to repair my marriage and my family, and to be the best mom and wife I can be. And most of all, I worked to repair myself, and not shove my past back behind me, but to acknowledge the mistakes I made, the lessons I learned, make apologies where deserved, and gently lay my past behind me so I can move forward.

The development of myself wasn't a forefront subject on Inklings over the years. I tried to keep my blog's focus on motherhood, home life, and my opinion on parenting topics. Every now and then I'd write a personal post, but for the most part, I just tried to exercise the newly-found parts of myself by putting a new voice to a general parenting post, or by trying to start a new weekly subject.
Pic Courtesy

Slowly, I watched as my posting on Inklings declined; over 200 posts in 2012, just under 200 in 2013, and now this year, a measly 82. It's November, for crying out loud. I should have well over 120 posts, in my opinion. I don't have a lack of motivation; the dozen or so posts I've started but haven't finished can attest to that. I'm still the opinionated, outspoken blogger y'all have come to enjoy, I just grew scared that the things I wanted to write about weren't the things people wanted to read.

But life has changed, once again. My home business has been booming for the last few months, so much that I work 7-8 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. Pile that on top of my regular duties as a mom and housewife, and there's no wonder I'm in bed at 8 o'clock some a few most nights of the week.

So, I've been torn, and that's why I've contemplated writing this post for a few weeks now. Part of me said, "Morgan, just start posting new things on Inklings, nudging it in the new direction it's heading, and readers will either love it or hate it, but no matter what, you are keeping true to yourself." The other part of me said, "Give your readers a heads up first, before changing things, and let them know what's going on. They'll either love it or they'll hate it, but they've been on this journey with you, so why not let them know the map has changed a bit?" 

It's rare that the two sides of me even agree on any little part of a scenario, so it was refreshing that they both were on the "either love it or hate it" philosophy together. It's awesome when they play nicely.

In the end, I chose to give y'all a heads up. Inklings will still be here, but as my life doesn't really allow for the long, eloquent, well-researched posts about something quirky that happened in my life but applies to a bigger parenting picture, those probably won't be happening very much anymore. I'm not saying they will never pop their heads up every once in a while; they will. But Inklings needs to fit my life now, which is busy, full and still chaotic. So, some days there will be diary-style posts, some days a quick, cute post will go up about something my kids did or said- or, in reality, a quick post will go up about how my kids annoyed the crap out of me that day (they are 12 and almost 10- so help me, they are getting quite interesting in their growing years).  I want to keep Inklings active and up-to-date with happenings in my life, but still voiced with the quirkiness y'all have grown accustomed to.
Yes, that's The Girl. And that's my bra...

People change, life changes, and rolling with the punches is what Inklings has always been about. I still hold on to my "humor blog" status, as I feel making the switch to a "lifestyle" blog just isn't me. I don't want Inklings to simply be, "Here's what we did today; a picture of The Ginger with spaghetti on his face; my drive to the grocery store; isn't my life amazing?" For me, it's more like, "Here's how I didn't kill anyone today; a picture of The Girl with my bra on her head; I met someone on the drive to the grocery store today whose road rage exceeds mine; don't worry, we all have those life moments."

I hope y'all will join me on this new journey for myself and for Inklings. My blog was started for me to process through life, but as I gained so many online friends through this process, I don't want this shift to leave you all pissed at me. In my heart, I feel this change will truly reflect who I am- the random, sometimes funny, loving person that took me the last 4 years to find again.

With coffee, cats, dogs, tattoos, The Girl, The Ginger, Hubby, tree-hugging, chaos and chocolate boob thrown in.

Yes, chocolate boob. Just click the link. That pretty much sums up my life right now...


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4 comments:

  1. Morgan great share and I for one will still be here for the ride. I have made many changes myself these past three or so years and it's either love or hate for those around us but we must stay true to who we are and grow in the direction best for us. Chat soon xo

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    1. "Grow in the direction best for us."- I LOVE that! Fingers crossed this works out, but I'm glad you'll be along for the ride! ;)

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  2. I love that you are willing to stay true to you on your blog....of course you've changed over the years and of course your blog should change with you. My blog currently has a bunch of young kids and preggo mom posts and eventually I won't be there. Either my readers will be growing along with me or I will gain new ones. Good luck and you can be sure I'll still be stopping by :)

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    1. Thank you! Your blog has so much of everything, I love it! ;)

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