Tuesday, September 16, 2014

7 "Rules" My Children Have Created to Live By

My kids never cease to amaze me. Some days, it's in awesome ways.

And some days, I wonder if they left their brains in bed when they woke up that morning.

I've been making a running list of things that seem to occur numerous times in my household; things I believe my children are slowly converting into personal truths or facts for themselves. That's the only reason I can think of that they repeatedly perform these acts- they are now gospel to them.

And I just shake my head. There's nothing else that can really be done at this point.

7 "Rules" My Children Have Created to Live By

1. The best time to ask Mom for something is when she's exhausted and just fell asleep on the couch. Yep, that's when she'll just answer Yes to anything, just to get us kids to go away. Whether it's asking for a bowl of ice cream 30 minutes before dinner, asking to bring the entire neighborhood into the house to play upstairs, or asking to go fly a helicopter, if you ask within the first 2.5 minutes after Mom falls asleep, you'll get what you want.

2. The bathroom floor is the only place dirty clothes should be. That basket-thingie Mom put in my room that she says is a hamper? That's a wicked cool basketball hoop to throw my stuffed animals in... or random books... toys... definitely not clothes. Oh, I can flip it upside down and sit on it, too, while I play video games. Where are my dirty clothes, you ask? Those are on the bathroom floor, where I took them off when I took a shower last night (and the night before, and the night before that). Duh...

3. "Clean the kitchen after dinner" means unload and load the dishwasher, and nothing else. Never mind the ketchup, butter, pitcher of iced tea and dirty napkins still out. Those aren't included in "cleaning the kitchen." Neither is wiping down the counter tops, picking up that pork chop bone that
the dog managed to get out of the (overflowing) trash can, or possibly even starting the dishwasher. And rinsing the dishes before they go in the dishwasher... Buahahaha! That's a good joke...

4. The best time for laundry to be done is 9pm on Sunday night. Oh, man, that means Mom has to stay up and do my laundry because I have to go to bed to be rested for school tomorrow, and I'm down to 0 pairs of clean underwear and just Batman pajamas as tomorrow's only possible outfit. Could I have informed my parents that I was completely out of clean clothes prior to 9pm on a Sunday night? Naw... that's when my laundry is done.

5. When something accidentally spills, staring at it with a mouth wide-open is the best way to get it cleaned up. Why quickly grab the spilled item, or paper towels or a dishrag when I can stand here, watch the contents spill gracefully onto the floor, and make noises like, "Urgh," and say things like, "Oh, man..."?

6. Mom loves hearing the same line of a song sung over and over and over again. Sing it while I'm "cleaning the kitchen?" Sure! Sing it while I'm in the shower? Of course! Sing it while Mom is driving me home from school? That's the best time! Mom never gets tired of me singing that one line from my favorite song... never...

7. The only place to sit in the entire living room is on the right side of the love seat. Never mind the sofa, leather chair, or floor pillows we have. I have to sit on the right side of the love seat- not the left side, only the right side, and yes, my sibling has also laid claim to that exact spot... because it's the only place to sit. So, a battle shall commence, of course...

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  1. I'll have you know, all 5 of us fight over the right side of the loveseat. But every other rule has been copied by my boys. Every. Single. One. Sigh.

    1. I did fail to mention that I have my spot in the living room, too. I'm like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory when it comes to my spot. The kids know that one is off limits, lol.