Monday, August 18, 2014

Yes, I Flip Off My Dog, Especially When She Goes for My Coffee

Every Monday I sweep, vacuum, and mop. I'm not sure if it's the OCD coming out in me, or the fact that I know if I do it every Monday, it actually gets done, but it's been like this for about 2 years now.

I used to drink my coffee before I cleaned house, but I found that I just gulped it down instead of savoring the amazingness. So, I figured out a way to have fresh coffee waiting for me when I mopped myself onto the couch.
Pretty sure this is how Ariya pictures the situation.

Then my effing dog struck. Apparently, she has developed a taste for coffee creamer.

Not the coffee. Just the creamer. The creamer that sits in my coffee mug, waiting for me to get done mopping.

Of course I'll explain. I can tell I'm getting some weird ass looks right now, with questions of Why does she have a mug with just creamer and no coffee, and why is it in a place where her dog can drink it?

Picture my sweeping/mopping area as an upside down capital T. I start at the skinny part (the bottom of the T), which is by my front door, sweep and mop down and around to the wide part of the T, and plop myself onto the couch, which sits across from the kitchen down at the bottom of the upside down T. I check email, blog, print out orders that need to be filled, all while the floor is drying around me.

It's a pretty awesome system.

Back before Christmas my Keurig died and my coffee pot died, both within a week of each other. So, I
purchased a french press for my coffee and have never looked back- it's absolutely amazing. I have an electric kettle to heat my water, and I'm golden.

I figured out that if I put the kettle on the kitchen island, fill the french press with coffee, and wait until I'm near the end of my mopping to start the kettle, I can have fresh brewed coffee right as I'm plopping my ass on the couch.

Brilliant idea, right?

So, I fill the bottom of my coffee mug with creamer and set it next to the couch, awaiting the coffee and the end of my cleaning.
My french press, favorite coffee,
and my coffee mug. =)

Two weeks ago I noticed my dog wasn't in her usual Mom's Mopping So I'll Just Sleep Over Here Until She's Done place. Instead, she was sitting up, like a human, on the sofa right next to my coffee mug...

With a guilty look on her face.

I looked around the coffee mug, but there were no creamer splotches anywhere. So, I ran my finger on the inside brim of the coffee mug...

Sticky and slimy with doggy slobber.

She got yelled at, punished herself by sneaking under some furniture to hide, and I threw my creamer down the drain, rinsed my cup and tried it again.

Last week, Ariya was asleep when I placed my coffee mug on the table, so I thought we were okay.

Nope. She sniffed that shit out like a pig looking for truffles, and when I returned from the laundry room with a mop, there she was, guilty look on her face, licking her snout.

So, I put the new creamer in a to-go mug with a lid, set the cup down right next to her, flipped my dog the bird and went back to mopping.

Today, Inklingers, I got smart, which is quite rare as a BC occurrence (before coffee). As soon as I started messing with the kettle and filling the french press with ground coffee, I watched my dog sit up from her spot on the floor, jump up onto the couch next to where I put my coffee mug, and start licking her snout.

Oh, hell no, puppy. Not this time.

I left my coffee mug on the kitchen island with the kettle and the french press. She wasn't getting me today.

She stared at me with her big brown puppy dog eyes as I flipped her the bird and went back to mopping.

I guess I can't blame her for developing a taste for coffee creamer. She is my dog, and my headline above isn't Kids, Cats, Coffee and Tatts just because it's catchy. It's because that's my life in 4 words (no, I don't count 'and'), and coffee would have been listed second, but there was something 'off' about having Cats and Tatts right next to each other if I had done that. I wasn't a fan.

So while I've figured out how to avoid the puppy drinking my coffee creamer now, my BC screw ups occur quite frequently, so I can't promise it won't happen again.

And yes, I flip off my dog. Why? Because she has no idea what it means, and it makes me feel better. She just wags her tail and tries to give me a high five when I do it.

Damn coffee creamer drinking dog. Took 3 weeks, but I outsmarted you.

Classic BC situation. 3 weeks to outsmart a dog.

Good grief.

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  1. WTF is it with dogs? My 8 month old puppy chewed a hole in my kitchen floor. A hole. In my damn floor.

    At least the creamer I could understand. Cream is amazing. But a floor?

    That said, I don't even like my husband to touch my coffee mug. So, I'm with you on flipping her off. She had it coming.

    1. LMAO!! And I have to admit, when I read "A hole" by brain read "A-hole, as in Asshole". Hehehe. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how one chews a hole in the floor...