Wednesday, August 6, 2014

WTF Wednesday: Courtesy Flush and Mail Call- Two Stories for the Price of One!

I had this whole WTF Wednesday post planned out, and then today hit. I have had one of the craziest days ever.

So, you get two stories in one post today. Yes, both of these happened today, and yes, they both completely true.

I say it a lot, but I couldn't make this shit up if I tried...

WTF Story #1: Courtesy Flush... Please?
Ha!!

I've been doing a detox for the last 3 days, which means lots of water and smoothies. I have to pee about 57 times a day, and usually at the most inopportune times, like when I'm running errands. I headed to the grocery store and bolted for the bathroom as soon as I walked in the doors.

I'll paint a little bit of a picture for you- not a huge grocery store, which means there wasn't a huge bathroom. 3 stalls, 2 or 3 sinks- that's it.

I do the pee dance into the bathroom, where there's a cart full of groceries sitting outside, so I do expect to see another person in there. What first catches me off guard is that the person is in the stall, but there's one-sided talking going on. What catches me off guard second is the fact the person was in the middle stall. Not as huge of a deal as it is with a dude taking the middle urinal out of three (according to Hubby, that is), but I'm one to head for the furthest from the door.

So, I throw myself into the first stall (still doing the pee dance), and I realize that the woman is on her phone. Okay, whatever, I've peed on the phone, too. My best friend back east and I take baths while we're one the phone with one another; it's all cool. I squat to... do my business... and...


The absolute worst smell in the world hits my nose. I swear to you, something died up inside of my stall neighbor and she was ridding herself of the remains.

So, let's recap real quick before I continue.

  • Woman goes for middle stall in a very small, public restroom.
  • Woman goes for middle stall in a very small, public restroom, while talking on the phone to "Sissy".
  • Woman goes for the middle stall in a very small, public restroom, while talking on the phone to "Sissy," to take the most disgusting crap I've ever smelled in my life.
Oh, Inklingers, it gets better. 

I peed as quickly as human possible, as I was now holding my breath, grabbed my things and headed for the sink. As I'm washing my hands, I hear the woman zip up her pants and say, "Well that's much better." 

Classy.
Maybe she was a zombie??

I hauled ass out of the bathroom before the woman exited her stall, because I didn't want to see whether or not she washed her hands, nor did I want to put a face to that horrible smell.

In the middle stall. While she was talking on the phone.

I understand that shit happens (literally). But Hubby said it perfectly when I told him the story...

"When your stomach is messed up, and you are in a public place, and you have no choice but to use a public restroom, you get as far away from the other stalls as possible, and especially the door. You don't take the middle stall. That's just a common courtesy for everyone else. And, you courtesy flush." 

Amen, Hubby, Amen.

Oh, and by the way, it took me getting through the entire produce section and the first 3 aisles of the grocery store before that smell left my nose. I had to sniff coffee to fully remove it. 

First WTF moment of today, and it was a pretty shitty one (pun intended).


WTF Story #2: Mail Call for The Bitch

When The Girl got home from school today, she decided to walk out and check our mail. We have a community mail box unit on our street, just beside our house. She grabbed the mail, and accidentally dropped a piece. She didn't know she had dropped it, so she started walking home.

One of my neighbors (who, I need to add in here, has never said 2 words to me in person) and her husband were there to check their mail, and she picked up the piece of mail The Girl dropped, said out loud with my daughter just a few feet away, "I think that's the bitch's mail," handed it to her husband, who called out to my daughter that she dropped something, and reached out to hand it to her. 

Yes, my daughter heard every word.

She came back inside with the most shocked look on her face ever, and told me the story.

We cuss in our house. We cuss in front of our kids. My kids have heard the word bitch on several occasions (a day). 

But I would never, under any circumstances, call a woman a bitch in front of her child.

No matter how much of a bitch she is.

Like, just for example, hypothetically speaking of course, I wouldn't call my neighbor a bitch directly in front of her children.

Like I said at the beginning of this story, she's never even said 2 words to me in person.

I have not said anything to her, and I won't. At one point, about a year ago, someone in an online group accused her of letting her kids play in the middle of the street. She told them she was going to sit outside in her driveway, and if they wanted to, they could come to her house so she could whip their asses. 

And she sat there. All day. Waiting for people to come get their asses whipped by her.

Yeah.


So, saying anything to her, even, "Hey, think what you want about me, but watch what you say around my kids" would do nothing. She'd probably threaten to whip my ass, and then sit in her driveway all day.

It's really not a wonder why I keep to myself and choose to not associate with my neighbors. I seem to be surrounded by adolescents and not adults.

But it's cool; they keep giving me material for my blog, which is always appreciated. 

Good grief.

Both of these happened today, my WTF Wednesday. Definitely in need of wine this evening.




Click banner to head to Amazon!

If you enjoy Inklings, please take a second to just click the banner below. Each click = 1 vote, and you can vote once per 24 hours. I do happy dances when people vote!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

No comments:

Post a Comment