Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Peach Cobbler Troll

I have a pretty shocking confession for you all today...

I'm a Southern woman that doesn't know how to make cobbler.

Yeah, I know. Shocking. I'm pretty sure an investigation has now been launched to have my Southern Card revoked.

I grew up with a mom who made cobbler. I just never really developed a taste for it. I preferred a pie to cobbler; the spongy bread of a cobbler was just weird to me. So, I never had any desire to make cobbler when I grew up.
Pic Courtesy

I decided a few weekends ago to make cobbler with some peaches we had. I researched recipes online, found I had all of the ingredients, and made my first batch of peach cobbler.

It looked like ass. Almost black in color, but not burnt- explain that one to me. It was squishy, not spongy. It smelled good, and Hubby will try just about anything, so he dove in. Contrary to all of our beliefs, he said it actually tasted pretty damn good, it just wasn't pleasant at all to look at.

The Ginger was sick that night, so he only had 1 bite of cobbler and didn't eat anymore. We left the rest, along with his helping, in the fridge for the next day. That night, Hubby wanted a midnight snack, so not thinking, he finished off the cobbler.

The Ginger was devastated. He only got one bite.

So, Hubby promised The Ginger he'd make cobbler the following weekend.

As Hubby researched cobbler recipes, he printed one out he felt comfortable with. It was the same recipe I had used.

He immediately went back to the computer to find a new one. I laughed.

I knew something must have gone wrong when I had made the cobbler, as the recipe was 5 star rated with over 1000 reviews. No one else had noted that their cobbler looked like ass. I broke apart the recipe and
shared my discoveries with Hubby, to help him with his cobbler baking.
  • Definitely don't use whole wheat flour. Use the all purpose. I'm assuming that's why my cobbler looked burnt-ish, because of the darker coloring of whole wheat flour.
  • Don't use the 8"x11" pan. Use the 13"x9", even though the ingredients won't quite fill it. I thought it would be wise to condense it down into a smaller pan and make it a little thicker, not realizing it would rise as much as it did. I told you, I've never made cobbler before...
  • Add the optional cinnamon and nutmeg to the peaches. Most recipes don't require it, but I added it, and that part was good.
  • Find a recipe with a crunchy crumble to go on top. That would make it amazing.
The weekend rolled around and Hubby made his cobbler, taking all of my tips into consideration. His recipe didn't have him cook the peaches in sugar on the stove before adding them to the pan for baking, which I thought was weird, but like I've said before, what the hell did I know about making cobbler? He had me sprinkle on the cinnamon and nutmeg, and found a separate recipe for a crumble topping and added it halfway through baking.

His cobbler came out amazing. It looked good, tasted great, and smelled heavenly.

Hubby beamed with pride, and I was happy that we had a functioning cobbler recipe in the house. Then shit got real.

"Ha! I even bake better than your Mom," Hubby told the kids, laughing.

Yeah, Inklingers, he went there.

Me: Dude, not even cool. I had never made cobbler before.
Hubby: Neither had I. (laughing pretty hard now)
Me: Yeah, but you picked out the same recipe I did at first. And we took the mistakes I made and used them to improve your recipe.
Hubby: Yeah, so?
Me: So... your recipe wouldn't have turned out so great if I hadn't have helped you.
Hubby: Um, I think someone is jealous...
Me: (infuriated, at this point) What the hell? Your recipe didn't call for cinnamon and nutmeg. Would you have added that if I hadn't have told you to?
Hubby: Probably not.
Me: And the crumb topping?
Hubby: Your idea, too. 
Me: Then why do you have to be such an ass about this?
Hubby: Because I like picking on you. And because it just needs to be noted that I can bake better than you. 

Son of a... yeah, I had to leave the room. Hubby came after me, gave me a hug and a kiss, and thanked me for the cobbler tips.

I swear, if that man continues to troll as much as he does, he'll turn into a troll. Like from that movie when I was a kid. That will be my husband here soon. 

And then the kids won't want his cobbler, because who wants cobbler made by a troll?

Just as an FYI, we have scheduled a bake-off in my house between Hubby and I. He claims, even in a trolling manner, that he can bake better than me, so we're putting our skills to the test. Me, who bakes cookies, cakes, muffins, pies, bread and more, against Hubby, who has baked a peach cobbler. Yeah. We're letting the kids pick a dessert and Hubby and I are going head-to-head.

It's going to be epic. I'll let y'all know how that pans out.

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