Thursday, July 31, 2014

15 Years of Marriage, Summed Up in One Story

15 years ago today, Hubby and I said I doIn celebration of our anniversary, I shall tell y'all a short story that sums up our marriage perfectly.

Upon leaving our wedding reception to make the hour drive to our honeymoon hotel, Hubby and I sat in silence for about 5 minutes, probably partially in shock that we were finally a married couple.

Suddenly, Hubby farted a huge, long, loud fart.

I whipped my head toward him, in complete disbelief, as he had never farted in front of me before.

He simply stated, "Whew, thank god! I've been holding that in for hours. And don't look at me like that, there's nothing you can do now. We're married, and you are stuck with me." And he laughed a pretty hilarious, pretty evil, laugh.

15 years of marriage, and that story explains everything.

I do love that man, farts and all...

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

WTF Wednesday: Two Sentences Flipped Our World Upside Down

If there's one thing that's true about military life, it's that it never stays the same.

Three and a half weeks ago, we were moving to Japan in October. This week, we're staying in Arizona.

Our world, flipped upside down by an email that Hubby received with just 2 sentences:

This is to officially notify you that your assignment is cancelled. Reason for cancellation: Due to change in manning/surplus condition... and then a bunch of military acronyms and abbreviations that no one understands.

Two sentences. Dreams squashed.

I sat in disbelief and stared at the paper Hubby had printed out. Hubby drove to the store to buy cigarettes. The kids sulked. We'd all start a sentence, then stop, our words defeated by shock.

We waited to tell family until Hubby had called his contact person for the orders. They confirmed the cancellation, and we all tried to begin letting it set in.

I ran to my friend's house to process the information, because I had no idea if I was devastated or relieved, and I didn't want my family to see me like that. She opened her stockpile (yeah, I taught her how to extreme coupon, hehehe) to me, and I grabbed chips and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and just rambled through everything on my mind.

Of course I was upset; who wouldn't be upset about losing spending their last 4 years of their husband's

Sunday, July 27, 2014

5 Products that Have Helped Me Redeem My Womanhood

Another vlog post? Why, yes! I'm seriously enjoying shooting them.

This one is not sponsored, meaning no companies sent me anything to review; I don't do the sponsored posts anymore. These are 5 products I found on my own (most of them through couponing) that I feel have helped me reclaim my feminine side and wanted to share with other moms and women who feel they may have lost their sexy womanhood somewhere along the way. Some are makeup, some aren't, and they are all reviewed with my quirkiness. 

If you like the video, don't forget to hit the thumbs up, and if you subscribe, you'll get my newest videos directly in your inbox. 

I hope y'all like it! ;) 

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Friday, July 25, 2014

10 Activities We Didn't Do This Summer (And 7 We Did)

When the school year ends, and summer approaches, 5,489 different websites post articles like 10 Activities to Prevent the Summer Slide or 307 Summer Activities to Prevent Boredom. 

First off, I think boredom is the key to a good childhood. Kids shouldn't always be entertained. Boredom builds imagination, helps them think outside the box, and helps them learn how to occupy themselves.

Anyway, we moms all do the same thing- we scour pinterest and these websites for that perfect list, print it out, put it on the fridge, and...

End up doing like 2 things on the list all summer. Then we feel like failures as moms that we didn't complete the list of summer activities that some stranger told us we should complete.

I'm here to say...

Screw it!! You are NOT a bad mom for not completing your summer list. You are NOT a bad mom for not entertaining your kids every second of the summer. You are NOT a bad mom for letting your kids relax all summer.

My post today is my list of activities that we didn't do this summer; things those other websites inadvertently make me feel bad for not doing. That I'm a failure as a mom because I didn't complete our list shit ends here, today. I did pull these off of actual lists I googled, too.

I also threw in some things we actually did do this summer, to show y'all what a typical summer for my kids is like. It's not glitz and glamour, I'll tell you that!

10 Activities We Didn't Do This Summer:

1. Learn a foreign language. We downloaded Japanese apps to our phones when Hubby got his orders, but the only things we can seem to grasp are Hello-Konnichiwa, Goodbye- Sayonara, Yes-Hai and Thank You- Arigato (Mr. Roboto).

2. Read 1,800 minutes. To prevent the summer slide, experts advise having kids read 20-30 minutes a day. Over a 2 month summer break, that equates to about 1,800 minutes per kid. I'm 99.9% sure my kids

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

WTF Wednesday: Yin/Yang Relationship at Its Finest

We are 21 days post Japan orders notification, and I'm quickly realizing 2 things:

  1. The military seriously makes you work for an overseas assignment.
  2. My husband has zero sense of humor during this entire process.
He printed out the checklist of things he has to do before he can actually get the paper copy of his orders, and it's a mile long. There are also starting dates on his checklist that date back to May 27, 2014.

Yeah, ummmm.... we weren't even notified we had orders until July 2nd, 2014. So, thanks for letting us know we should have started paperwork 6 weeks before we even knew we had paperwork to start (rolling eyes). 
Pic Courtesy

So, needless to say, we're having to do everything in double time, and for anyone who is a part of the military, you know the military does NOT work in double time.

Through all of this, I've been able to remain calm and collected, which is completely balanced out by my husband, who is freaking the hell out at every step. 

A few examples of Hubby's and my Yin/Yang thing we have going on:
  • Last week, we were outside at midnight, watching an amazing thunderstorm rolling in. I was calm, with my arms out, just soaking in all that is an awesome thunderstorm. Hubby is chain smoking, going over what he has to do the next day, and looks at me and says, "Do you not even care that we have orders?" WTF? Of course I care. "Then why does it seem like you are so nonchalant about it?" Well, dear Hubby, there's nothing I can do at midnight about our move. So, I choose to live in the moment, basking in the upcoming thunderstorm, breathing, and putting the move aside until 8am the

Friday, July 18, 2014

A Virtual Book Tour For Me? How Awesome!

Alrighty, Inklingers, I have a virtual book tour coming up and I want you too come with me!!

What in the world is a virtual book tour? So glad you asked!!

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I will be featured on several websites, with spotlights, interviews and guest posts that you haven't seen here on my blog. The tour schedule is below, and if it says 'Spotlight', that's an excerpt from my book and a little about me. 'Guest Blogging' means I've written one of my spunky articles for that website, and is new material for you all to read. 'Interviewed' means they asked me some great questions, many things you didn't know about me before this book tour. 

So, each day, and each website, has some great Tatted Mom stuff. 

I'm excited.

They will also be running a giveaway for a free signed copy of my book, so be sure to enter that!

AND (as if it couldn't get any better), I've discounted the price of my book for the virtual book tour to just $9.99 for paperback and only $2.99 for the Kindle download!!! If you don't have a copy of my book, this is definitely the time to pick one up!!

I had a lot of fun writing for and being interviewed by these amazing websites, so please take some time each

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

WTF Wednesday: If You Don't Find This Stuff Funny, You've Probably Come to the Wrong Blog...

My brain has officially fried. Shorted out. Dead.

I spent Monday cleaning and processing orders, then spontaneously passed out in a chair in my living room for pretty much the rest of the night.

Tuesday, I took the kids school supply shopping, which is comparable to walking on hot coals with your bare feet. Glue, notebooks, pencil bags for only $.50 when I just spent $1.00 at the other store... how the fuck can they be out of $0.97 colored pencils? They *just* put them on sale!! We got home and I curled up in my chair only to pass out once again.

Today I grocery shopped with the kids, which is comparable to attempting to give yourself an appendectomy, processed orders and managed to straighten the house. Here I sit, in my chair, exhausted and fighting sleep.

I'm pretty sure my kids siphon my energy. They are bouncing off the walls when Hubby gets home late in the evening. Me? I look like a cracked out, half dead Halloween prop in my chair, only instead of me jumping out when you least expect it to scare the effing crap out of you, I simply ask you to bring me a cookie, no scare in sight.

I'm emotionally exhausted worrying about this upcoming move to Japan. I'm mentally exhausted trying to get everything organized and together that we could possibly need in the next few months. I'm physically exhausted because I'm pretty sure my kids have figured out how to tap into my energy reserves and are depleting them at a rapid pace so they can stay up until midnight and run around like chickens with their heads cut off.

So today, Inklingers, for WTF Wednesday, I'm giving you mindless funnies- 10 random things that make me giggle in my delirious, brain-fried state.

If you don't find these types of things funny, you've probably ventured onto the wrong blog for you.

For the rest of you, who know exactly what you are getting here on Inklings, you're welcome. ;)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Oh, Pardon Me... I Just Vlogged...

I'm pretty sure Youtube quickly goes through the video, picks out the 3 most embarrassing facial expressions to freeze on, and gives me those 3 moments as the only thumbnails to choose from for my videos.

Le sigh.

It's up, Inklingers! The introduction vlog post, first of many on The Inklings of Life channel on Youtube!! You'll get my introduction, what my goals are for the Youtube channel and a short little question and answer session at the end (yes, the Zombie Apocalypse is brought up).

Thanks to everyone who said they'd watch my crazy ass on video. Don't forget to share, thumbs up the video and subscribe, if you want me right in your inbox each time I upload a video. Fingers crossed, I'll be doing one each week or so!

I hope y'all enjoy it!!

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Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Peach Cobbler Troll

I have a pretty shocking confession for you all today...

I'm a Southern woman that doesn't know how to make cobbler.

Yeah, I know. Shocking. I'm pretty sure an investigation has now been launched to have my Southern Card revoked.

I grew up with a mom who made cobbler. I just never really developed a taste for it. I preferred a pie to cobbler; the spongy bread of a cobbler was just weird to me. So, I never had any desire to make cobbler when I grew up.
Pic Courtesy

I decided a few weekends ago to make cobbler with some peaches we had. I researched recipes online, found I had all of the ingredients, and made my first batch of peach cobbler.

It looked like ass. Almost black in color, but not burnt- explain that one to me. It was squishy, not spongy. It smelled good, and Hubby will try just about anything, so he dove in. Contrary to all of our beliefs, he said it actually tasted pretty damn good, it just wasn't pleasant at all to look at.

The Ginger was sick that night, so he only had 1 bite of cobbler and didn't eat anymore. We left the rest, along with his helping, in the fridge for the next day. That night, Hubby wanted a midnight snack, so not thinking, he finished off the cobbler.

The Ginger was devastated. He only got one bite.

So, Hubby promised The Ginger he'd make cobbler the following weekend.

As Hubby researched cobbler recipes, he printed one out he felt comfortable with. It was the same recipe I had used.

He immediately went back to the computer to find a new one. I laughed.

I knew something must have gone wrong when I had made the cobbler, as the recipe was 5 star rated with over 1000 reviews. No one else had noted that their cobbler looked like ass. I broke apart the recipe and

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Crazy News, Huge Changes Ahead, and a New Vocabulary Word for All

Yesterday was crazy. I had a laundry list of things to do, which included a post office trip to mail orders, grocery shopping, extreme coupon shopping, writing a WTF Wednesday post, being lazy with a friend for a few hours, and just normal things like cleaning bathrooms and cooking dinner.

Then the phone call came.

Hubby called me on his cell, from work. Hubby never calls me on his cell from work. Hubby never calls me when he's at work; we just text. I was sitting at my friend's house when he called (the first stop on my laundry list- yes, I started off my list with being lazy with a friend- who wouldn't?), so I answered, wondering what in the hell was going on.

He was shouting, and I couldn't understand a word he was saying.

Hubby: Hrmphreusonehahsondan... AN. 
Me: What?
Me: What's wrong with your van?
I clicked some noise reducing button on my phone.
Me: Umm... I don't know. I'm sure they have great sushi. Wh.....

And that's when it hit me. My stomach dropped to the floor, and all of the color rushed from my face...