|NONE of that sounds like a good time to me...|
For today's post, I've decided to combine everything that I've actually seen or heard (or been a part of, first hand), that causes me to raise an eyebrow on this subject, and have a hypothetical conversation with a person who embodies all of these new trends in fitness.
And yes, because I understand this will show up in search engines under certain key words, I do feel a disclaimer is needed for those who newly find my blog, so here goes: Disclaimer: This is a HUMOR blog. My post today is one of my opinion, and it is meant to be funny. Yes, I understand the basic concepts in nutrition, exercise, and have studied these new fitness trends of recent years, which is why I can confidently express my confusion for them in a humorous way. If you lack a sense of humor, please move on and keep your comments to yourself. Thanks.
Hypothetical Conversation with Sally McCrossShakeProteinTireson
Me: Hey, Sally. How was your workout today?
Sally: It was awesome. I flipped a tire today!
Me: You flipped a tire?
Sally: Yep. I've been working up to this for weeks, and today I finally flipped it, all by myself.
Me: You seem happy about that, so rock on! I'm glad you flipped the tire!
Sally: Me too. I never thought I'd get to today!
Me: So, you've been building up to flipping a tire?
Sally: Well, yes and no. My personal trainer has had me on this awesome muscle building routine, and our first goal was for me to flip the tire. Woo hoo!
Me: That's cool.
Sally: Yeah, I'm just glad we skipped the burpees today. The last few times I've done them, I've thrown up afterwards. Cool, huh?
Me: Not really. Throwing up isn't cool.
Sally: My personal trainer says it's perfectly fine to throw up after working out. It shows that you are pushing your body to its limits, which is the only way change will occur.
Me: So, you are doing burpees until you vomit and flipping a tire? That doesn't sound like a good time to me, sorry.
Sally: All in the name of change, baby, and building muscle.
Me: Wait, I'm confused. I thought we had a conversation months ago about you wanting to hire a personal trainer to help you lose weight?
Sally: Yeah, we did. That's when I hired my personal trainer.
Me: Are they helping you lose weight?
Sally: Well, not yet, but my personal trainer says losing weight correctly takes time.
Me: Really? I've never heard of that. How much time?
Sally: A few months, I think. Weight loss only comes after I build muscle, which will then speed up my
metabolism and burn the fat. So, we've been building muscle.
Me: Hmm. I've never heard it that way before. Interesting. In fact, I've always heard that weight loss comes in the kitchen, not with exercise. Out of curiosity, have you lost any weight yet?
Sally: Um, no, not yet, but my personal trainer says that's okay.
Me: How long have you been working out with your personal trainer?
Sally: A little over 2 months now.
Me: Hold up. You've been working out for over 2 months and haven't lost any weight? That doesn't seem right to me, sweetheart. Have you converted fat to muscle, which would show in a loss of inches anywhere?
Sally: Yeah, I've lost 2 inches so far around my waist.
Me: Oh... Maybe I'm not understanding. Let me recap, and you tell me if I'm getting something wrong: You hired a personal trainer to help you lose weight, and you've been working out for 2 months and haven't lost any weight and barely any inches. Is that right?
Sally: Yeah. The personal trainer says permanent weight loss comes with time, and my body just isn't converting fat to muscle as quickly as other people, so my trainer upped the amount of protein that I'm supposed to eat each day.
Me: Upped the protein? That definitely doesn't sound right to me, especially if you aren't losing weight. How much protein are you supposed to eat each day?
Sally: Between 100-120 grams a day.
Me: WTF??? That's what a body builder is supposed to eat, honey. How often are you working out?
Sally: I have one hour sessions with my personal trainer on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We do strength training then.
Me: What about cardio?
Sally: I do about 10 minutes of cardio at the beginning of our session, to get my heart rate up, but that's it.
Me: You wanted to lose weight, and your personal trainer doesn't have you doing cardio?
Sally: Cardio doesn't build muscle. Strength training does.
Me: Yeah, I understand that, but your goal was to lose weight, not be a body builder, right?
Sally: Yeah. But I'll lose the weight once I build muscle.
Me: How much muscle do you want to build, for crying out loud? With the amount of protein you are eating, you should be preparing for a body building competition, sweetheart. What else are you eating besides the protein?
Sally: Vegetables. Protein and veggies at every meal.
Me: No fruit, dairy or carbs?
Sally: Very minimal amounts, and only in the morning.
Me: Please tell me this does NOT sound right to you...
Sally: My personal trainer has a certificate in nutrition, too, so they are trained in this. 100-120 grams of protein a day, unlimited veggies and moderate fruit and carbs. No sugar, either. That's how I will lose weight. Oh, and my new shakes.
Me: What shakes?
Sally: Well, my personal trainer also sells these nutritional shakes, so since I wasn't losing weight, my trainer thinks I need to detox my body with these shakes each day.
Me: Really? Your personal trainer sells these shakes?
Sally: Yeah. That should help me lose weight.
Me: Out of curiosity, how much do these shakes cost?
Sally: Oh, about $150 a month. Well, that's if I do the one shake a day thing. But I'm going to start off with a one week detox, so it'll be $150 for that, then another $150 for the month's supply after that.
Me: WHAT? $300 for shakes? Since your personal trainer thinks you "need" them, they aren't included in the price of your training sessions?
Sally: Nope. It's extra, just because my body seems to be holding on to the fat. Not everyone needs the shakes because their bodies don't need to detox as much as mine does.
Me: Your personal trainer told you that?
Me: And out of even more curiosity, how much do your personal training sessions cost?
Sally: $50 a session.
Me: But you have 3 sessions a week.
Me: You pay $150 a week for personal training sessions?
Me: And you've been working out for 2 months now?
Me: So, if my math is correct, you have already shelled out $1200 to your personal trainer, and that doesn't even include the $300 for the shakes?
Sally: Oh, wow. I never added that up before.
Me: Yeah, so you've shelled out $1500 in 2 months to lose 2 inches on your body and 0 pounds, when your goal was to lose weight and not be a body builder?
Me: And you can do burpees until you puke and flip a tire to show for $1500?
Me: Wow. Whatever floats your boat, sweetheart. It's not for me.
Sally: Yeah. So, how's your little weight loss thing going?
Me: Oh, you mean Weight Watchers?
Me: I lost 8 pounds in the first month.
Sally: (shocked) Wow. How much exercising are you having to do with that?
Me: None. I mean, I'll do yoga or pilates every once in a while, and I take walks with the kids, but it's mostly taught me about healthy eating and portion size.
Sally: WHAT? You've lost 8 pounds in 1 month and haven't exercised?
Me: Nope. And, it only cost me $55 for 3 months, which I still have 2 months of ahead of me.
Sally: Get out of here!
Me: Yep. But hey, I can't flip a tire like you...
So there you go, Inklingers. All of my pet peeves and confusion about the newest fitness trends (cross fit, tire flipping, high protein diets and shakes), all in a hypothetical conversation. I just don't get it.
I don't mean to slam people who live like this, but when it's all written out like this, how much sense does it really make? I keep seeing my friends and loved ones shell out hundreds and thousands of dollars to learn how to flip a tire. Are they getting healthier? Sure, I guess. Are they building strength? Most definitely. But, if their original goal was to lose weight, I just don't see how spending thousands of dollars and then working your ass off, which includes exercising until you puke, to not have any results for months is logical. Maybe it's just because I need instant gratification and results to keep me motivated.
And, for those who are curious, yes, the last part of the hypothetical conversation is true; I joined Weight Watchers online a little over a month ago, and lost 8 pounds in the first month. I'm sure crossfitters everywhere will slam me, but Weight Watchers has taught me portion control, healthy eating and how to make healthier food choices. Do I plan to start exercising more? I do, yes. In fact, for my body, I hit a plateau between weeks 4-5, so I will have to change something up in order to get the scale moving down again. But I can tell you now, it won't have anything to do with doing burpees until I puke or flipping a damn tire.
I hired a personal trainer back in October, and after a month of shelling out money, and eating a crazy ass menu every week (which yes, included over 70 grams of protein which my trainer wanted to up to between 100-120 when I didn't lose any weight that first month), I was done. I threw up when I got home after almost every workout session, was miserable, and I had a grand total loss of 2 inches and 0 pounds to show for it. For me, the little $120 I had spent in that one month was nowhere near worth it.
It was when I decided to do things on my own that I really started to pick up on these weird ass trends in fitness popping up everywhere. And now that I took a bite of the Weight Watchers bait (I went into it an extreme skeptic, let me tell you), I'm hooked. I'm learning things about nutrition that I will carry with me well after my 3 months are up.
And, I'll go ahead and beat the troll comments here and now: Does this post just mean that I don't have what it takes to be a crossfit person? Yep, it sure does. If being a crossfit person means pushing my body past the point of puking, and staying hours in the gym, and passing out from working out- then nope, I sure don't have what it takes to be a crossfit person. I have no want or desire to harm my body in an effort to make it better. That, to me, is not "dedication." That's torture, and I'm not one for torturing myself. I prefer meditating, doing yoga and treating my body like a temple, not a dungeon. If that means I will never be a size 0, or have 6 pack abs, or flip a tire, then sobeit. I'm just not that type of person, and if you are that type of person, then more power to you for pushing yourself and expanding your limits physically. I just choose to push my limits spiritually and mentally. It doesn't make you better than me or me better than you- we just walk totally different paths, and that's okay.
To each their own, yes, but these new fitness trends have definitely given me my biggest WTF moment of this week, and for several months now.