Tuesday, April 8, 2014

13 MORE Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to as a Kid (and 1 That Turned Out to be Okay)

A few months ago, I decided to analyze the music I listened to as an adult, which made me think back to what I listened to when I was a kid. The result ended up being the post 13 Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to as a Kid, and y'all loved it.

So that means it's time for round #2! If you haven't read the original 13 songs, head back and catch up, so you don't think I'm skipping any important ones. And if you have more, add them in the comments section below!

Sit back, put your hair in a side ponytail, grab some Surge or Clear Pepsi (if only they still existed) and enjoy the trip down Memory Lane! (And I apologize now for the fact that most of the videos don't actually play on my site. Apparently they now make you watch the video on youtube, so if you want to listen to them, it will pop open another screen so you don't lose your place here.)

1. Slide- Goo Goo Dolls

What? Why shouldn't my parents have let me listen to a romantic, mellow song about a guy professing his love to a girl by telling her "I want to wake up where you are." How sweet, right? WRONG! I just recently found out that this song is about abortion. Yep. And the Goo Goo Dolls confirmed it on VH1 Storytellers once. "Don't you love the life you killed? The priest is on the phone, Your father hit the wall, Your ma disowned you," refers to a girl finding out she's pregnant, has an abortion, and the guy in the song is telling her they should run away and get married. Holy crap, right? 33 years old I find out this information. Mind. Blown.

2. I'll Make Love to You- Boyz II Men

Yes, the title of the song says it all, and should have been a huge red flag to parents of 90s kids everywhere. Even when my mom told me the song was inappropriate, guess where I heard it? How about a 6th grade dance? Yeah, that's how this song made the list alright. Lights turned low in the local community center (Saturday dance once a month- hell yeah), girls on one side of the room, boys on the other, and that song started playing. Your little 6th grade heart started to beat fast when you saw those brace-faced boys start to walk over to the girls' side, and couples started pairing off on the dance floor, hands on shoulders and hips, enough room between the two of you to fit a whole other person. Slow dancing in a circle, while "Pour the wine, Light the fire, Girl your wish is my command, I submit to your demands, I'll do anything, Girl you need only ask" is playing in our virginal ears. Hell, I guess I should be thankful they were talking about sweet, sensual lovemaking, instead of fucking in the back of the club like today's music.

3. Jeremy- Pearl Jam

Where do I even start with this one? For those not familiar with the song, or lyrics, the entire song is about a quiet little boy named Jeremy, whose parents ignore him and the kids at school bully him. Jeremy "spoke up" in class finally, by bringing a gun to school and shooting everyone in his class. Yeah. 8 years before the Columbine shooting (the first major high school shooting in America), Pearl Jam was singing about a boy shooting up a school. I just have to shake my head at that. But the damn song was so catchy that everyone belted out, "Jeremy spoke in class TOOOODAAAAAYYYYYYYY." Good grief, right?

4. Anything by Stone Temple Pilots in the mid 90s, more specifically, songs from the album "Tiny Music... Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop" like "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart"

Years later, we all know Scott Weiland, lead man for Stone Temple Pilots, was so strung out on heroin and goodness knows what else during the 90s, that he probably shouldn't be alive today. "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart" is all about acid- paper heart... hole... acid drop on paper... yeah, took me a while to put all of that together, too. The lyrics alone should have clued me in to the fact that dude was higher than hell when he wrote it: "So keep your bankroll lottery, Eat your salad, Day deathbed motorcade." What the fuck does that even mean? No one knew, but we sang every word of it.

5. Baby One More Time- Britney Spears

Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle" song made the first list due to its sexual innuendo. I'm not sure why I didn't include Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" on that first list- maybe I didn't want these ladies fighting on my blog. But here it is, in all its glory, not so much because of the lyrics, but more because of the video that instantly turned every male over the age of 18 into a pedophile by watching it. And now that I think more about it, "Oh baby, baby, The reason I breathe is you, Boy you got me blinded... There's nothing that I wouldn't do... Show me, how you want it to be, Tell me baby... oh because, My loneliness is killing me.." isn't really something a teenage girl needs to be throwing out there to the entire world.

6. Thong Song- Sisqo

An entire song about ladies' underwear. An. Entire. Song. And, if you fully read the lyrics, it has 2 verses that just repeat over and over and over again, including the line, "She had dumps like a truck... Thighs like what...". What? Thighs like what? Thighs like thunder? Thighs like skinny little chicken legs? Why leave me hanging, Sisqo? But we all knew the lyrics to that damn song, as stupid as they were. I'm sure that one hit wonder set Sisqo for life thanks to us. You're welcome, Sisqo, you're welcome. And now all of you are cursing me because that effing song is now stuck in your head- it's contagious, like a disease... a disease with no cure... that antibiotics can't even touch... like herpes... the Thong Song is the herpes of music...

7. Crash Into Me- Dave Matthews Band

Aw, another sweet song about a guy professing his undying love for a girl, right? WRONG!! Sneaky sneaky like "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls above, this song is not as it appears. You don't get to the good stuff until the last verse: "Oh I watch you there, through the window, And I stare at you, You wear nothing, But you wear it so well." Wait, why is a guy professing his love for a girl from the outside of a window? Is he a... Peeping Tom? "Crash Into Me" is about a pervert? Yes, Inklingers, yes it is.

8. Any Time, Any Place- Janet Jackson

I owned this CD. When this song came on, I giggled and turned the volume low so my parents couldn't hear. "In the thunder and rain, You stare into my eyes, I can feel your hand, Movin' up my thighs, Skirt around my waist, Wall against my face, I can feel your lips, Oooh. I don't wanna stop just because, People walkin by are watchin us, I don't give a damn what they think, I want you now." Good grief, did it just get hot in here? I'm 33 years old and I'm blushing right now at Janet's exhibitionism. But at the age of 12 or 13, I listened to this entire album... including this song. Naughty Janet. Just naughty.

9. Barbie Girl- Aqua

How cute, a song about Barbies. No. Not how cute. How about sick and perverted? "I'm a blonde bimbo girl, In a fantasy world, Dress me up, Make it tight, I'm your dolly... Kiss me here, Touch me there, hanky panky... You can touch, you can play, if you say: 'I'm always yours'." WTF? A person can do whatever they want to a girl as long as they say, "I'm always yours" first? Seriously not a message we want to send to little girls, especially little girls who hear the title, "Barbie Girl" and assume it's an appropriate song for them. And yes, I understand it was meant to be funny, but thank goodness I was about 16 or so when this song came out and had a decent head on my shoulders. I just thought the song was annoying and dumb, but it was played everywhere, so I was forced to have it pollute my ears. Barf.

10. Freshman- The Verve Pipe

Calm, quiet, mellow song about... a teenager's suicide? What? "My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her, His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept." Yeah, I can assume the back story is this: Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love. Boy and girl break up. Girl commits suicide. Boy grieves. Great song for a teenager, huh?

11. Creep- TLC

TLC's "Red Light Special" made the first list due to its blatant sexual message. This list includes their song, "Creep" because of its immoral message: "I love my man with all honesty, But I know he's cheatin' on me, I look him in his eyes, But all he tells me is lies to keep me near, I'll never leave him down, Though I might mess around, It's only 'cause I need some affection." So let me get this straight: It's perfectly okay for two people to remain in a relationship but cheat on each other? Oh, cool. 'Cause I was over here thinking cheating is bad and if you can no longer be a faithful couple, it's better to just go your separate ways so there is no need for "creeping" around. Glad TLC educated me on that. (Rolling eyes) Not a great life lesson to impart on young ears.

12. Rump Shaker- Wreckx-N-Effect

It's already started in your head, hasn't it? "Check baby, check baby, one, two, three, four." Ah, the Rump Shaker. So catchy. So easy to dance to. And so giggle-tastic. My favorite verse: "Turn to seduction from face, hips, to feet, A wiggle and a jiggle can make the night complete, Now since you got the body of the year, Come and get the award, Here's a hint, it's like a long sharp sword." (Giggle) The award is his penis. (Giggle) He's singing about his penis, as a trophy. (Giggle) Soooo appropriate for a then-11 year old, right? It was played at the same 6th grade dances that "I'll Make Love to You" was played. Thinking back now, maybe a background check should have been done on the DJ of these adolescent dances...

13. Miserable- Lit
"Miserable" came out in 1999, the year I got married. And I was thankful, because at 18, married, in my own house, I could yell "You make me come" at the top of my lungs. To this day, "You make me come... You make me complete... You make me completely miserable" still brings a smile to my face. I love double entendres wrapped in a kick-ass nerdy arrangement of words. And the video of the band playing on Pamela Anderson's ass? Epic.

And the 1 song that we all thought was inappropriate that turned out to be perfectly okay:

Peaches- The Presidents of the United States of America

I'll never forget the day I came down the stairs in my house, singing this song to myself, and my mom overheard. "What's that song about?" she asked. "Uhh... I dunno. A guy eating peaches out of a can," I replied. My mom hit the roof, and rightfully so. She was coming from the age of The Steve Miller Band's song "Joker" where he states, "I really love your peaches, want to shake your tree," using the word "peaches" as sexual innuendo. So, when I came skipping into the room singing about peaches, my mom immediately banned the song from the house. Come to find out, the song really is just about peaches. The guy wrote it while sitting under a peach tree, waiting to find out if a girl he like was going to return his love. So, 70s- "peaches" are sexual innuendo for lady parts, 90s- "peaches" are just peaches. Got it.

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  1. LMAO at 'the herpes of music'.


  2. I love every song and or group you mentioned on this post. To me regardless of meaning behind the words a good song is a good song so I say keep them coming lol. Music is creativity and art of expression. I am bit older than you I believe but I recall being young and loving Marvin Gaye's song Sexual Healing. I knew better than to sing it around my mother lol!!! Thanks for share :)

    1. I love Marvin Gaye's 'Sexual Healing'! Great song that makes my kids faces go red when they play it in a movie, lol.

  3. Just as good as part 1. Actually, I think the vast majority of her music is about sex. Seriously! Throb starts out with 'Come for me baby', and the entire chorus is 'DJ make me wet'. That's the way love goes - oh baby don't stop don't stop. Go deeper baby deeper...um, yeah.

    Do it to me, Sexhibition, Moist, Be a good boy. Geez, did it just get hot in here?

  4. Wow, actually never realised that the GooGoo Dolls song was about abortion :-) Very fun article to read Morgan!

  5. Yeah, Janet was definitely going through that extremely sexual time in her life when that CD came out. Sexuality was oozing in every song (pun intended- gross, I know, but I had to, lol).