Wednesday, March 5, 2014

WTF Wednesday- Facebook Wants to Do WHAT to Me?

"Get a Faster Facebook. Update your app."

Big green button, angering me for the last few days when I pulled up the Facebook app on my phone, so today, I decided to gave in. Fine, Facebook, I'll update my app.

Click the button, off to Google Play store, click Install, and this popped up:

Normally, I don't read these things. I just click "Accept" and go on about my day. But today was different. Maybe it was because I just watched the movie "Disconnect" and am super paranoid about everything that has to do with the internet (superb movie, by the way, but I digress). Or, maybe it was because the nice bright green 'NEW' caught my attention. For whatever reason, I decided to actually see what this new Facebook update wanted from me and from my phone.

Huge WTF moment.

Item #1- Facebook wants to read my text messages. Why does Facebook need to read my text messages? What possible reason could these asshats come up with that would logically explain WHY facebook needs to know about my best friend's and my conversation about how much our cramps suck, or how we send each other someecards that we just don't feel are appropriate for the entire world to see plastered all over our Facebook walls? If someone from Facebook comes across this post and could so
graciously answer that question for me, I'd be forever grateful. Until that happens, I'm just going to have to assume that the people at Facebook are pervs who want to catch as many nudie pics that are sent from one consenting horny adult to another, so they have material for their pathetic spank banks.

Item #2- Facebook wants to read confidential information in my phone and contact card, as well as update everyone on my friend's list, without my consent, as to new things I put on my personal calendar. Anyone here watch the TV show "Parenthood"? In one episode, the couple with the special needs child syncs their phone calendars together, and the woman tentatively schedules "Funkytown" (sex) into their hectic week. I'm not a person who schedules sex, but if I did, in the privacy of my own phone, I really don't want Facebook accessing that private entry and then inviting all of my friends to it without my knowledge. I know my friends. They'd show up, with popcorn, because Facebook invited them. Not something I'd like happen, nor do I want 50,000 messages of "Is your vag okay?" after I schedule my gyno appointment for the year. Yes, my friends would do that, too.

The rest of the update seemed pretty harmless, but that didn't matter. The first two were all I needed to hit 'Cancel' and put my phone down. There was NO way in hell I was allowing Facebook to read my texts, no matter how insubstantial or trivial, and no way in hell they are accessing my calendar to change it (notice it said 'Add or modify calendar events,' too) or notify my friends of its contents without my knowledge. That's just...

Wrong. There's no other word for it. No other word for it except for those of the more adult variety that my kids would have their mouths washed out with soap for saying.

Read my text messages and email my friends the contents of my calender, with confidential information, without my knowledge. WTF?

And how many of you installed this most recent update, without even reading what you were allowing facebook to do to you? If I were you, I'd uninstall it immediately before you have friends showing up at your house for some scheduled Funkytown...

Or before Facebook Funkytowns you... with no lube... by invading your privacy by reading your texts... and sharing your confidential calendar info with people...

Definitely my biggest WTF moment of the week.

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  1. I uninstalled FB from my phone. Thank you for paying attention and keeping us all safe!

  2. I don't have the internet on my phone,and I rarely use Facebook. Now I know why! Thankyou. :)