Wednesday, January 29, 2014

WTF Wednesday: The Military Basher

So many bloggers out there do Wordless Wednesday, where they post a picture that says 1,000 words on their blog and that's it for the day.

I'm not a typical blogger. Instead, I'm starting WTF Wednesdays, where I will tackle a subject that just has me scratching my head and wondering, WTF?

Today's first installment of WTF Wednesday is about The Military Basher.

I'm sure most of you have seen this picture in your facebook newsfeed:

(I have pixelated her face and covered her name because it is not my intent to further fuel hate actions against her. I'm simply here to give my opinion on the matter, which is why y'all come to my blog, right?)

If you haven't seen this picture, it's probably because you aren't associated with the military, but this picture has circled the military wives' lists about 100 times over in the last week. The last time I checked, though, this photo had been shared over 12,000 times total on facebook, so chances are, you've seen it.

My WTF doesn't solely lie with this child's opinion and what she stated. It lies with the grownups who felt the need to berate this child, via her facebook, by sending her hate messages. That's the problem I have when it comes to this scenario.

My husband is military. He has served almost 16 years, has been overseas, has been to combat areas, and

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Story Time Sunday- The F*cker who Tried to Steal Inklings from Me

Today, dear Inklingers, I tell you the full story about the douche who tried to steal a mom blog... more specifically, my mom blog.

This story took place last Sunday, which is why there was no Story Time Sunday last week. I was too busy dealing with google to try and gain entry to my account once again. It was a hell of a day.

It all started bright and early, before the kids even got up, while I was enjoying my first cup of coffee in a quiet house, with an automated email telling me that my domain, would auto-renew in something like 2 weeks. The email said I didn't need to do anything, just sit back and continue to own The Inklings of Life with a smile on my face and not a care in my world (well, not in those exact words, but you get me).

I never trust auto-renew stuff, so, like I do every single year, I went to log into my account to manually renew my domain so that I could rest assured that Inklings would remain mine.

Only... Wait. Why is it saying that my email address isn't registered to admin my domain? That's funny. Maybe I typed it in wrong. Maybe my caps lock was on when I entered my password.

Nope. Still saying that my email address isn't set up as the admin to my account. Okay, breathe. Let me find the email associated with my domain registration and double check... yep. My email address is the email address for the admin of my website. Hmmm. Let me check the forum and see what's up.

Sweet. I can sneak in the backdoor of my account with this generic admin email address, reset the password and get this said and done, just like the help forum said.

WHAT? GENERIC ADMIN EMAIL HAS BEEN DELETED FROM MY ACCOUNT?? What the... I didn't even know about the generic admin email until I read the help forum, so how in the hell could I have deleted it?

Panic seriously set in at this point. My brain raced with possible next steps.

The section of the website that handled the money associated with my domain renewal last year. That's it!! I

Friday, January 24, 2014

For the Last Time, This Isn't a Punishment!!!

My kids came to me with a video they had found on youtube to watch.

It was the dumbest video I have seen in my entire life.

It had to do with some naked Ken doll, made of clay, walking around. They couldn't stop giggling. I made it through 20 seconds before wanting to throw my computer against the wall.

Somewhere inside of me, I should have appreciated this video for its artistic qualities; molding the clay in each of those positions and still shotting it, for a total video time of 1 minute and 41 seconds.

But I couldn't appreciate any of it. In fact, I was angry I was never getting that 20 seconds of my life back, and I was completely convinced that I had burned several hundred brain cells by watching what I did. I could only image how many IQ points my kids had lost, as this was their 4th time watching it.

I went back to making dinner, and the kids ran off to go find more stupid videos to watch. As I sliced the pork for our meal, my brain was racing.

Dumbest. Video. Ever. And my kids loved it. Brain cells dead, and it wasn't even quality mindless entertainment, in my opinion. I'll watch a mama panda bear get scared when her baby panda sneezes all day long. Give me that kid, sitting in his car seat, that can make the serious face while eating his ice cream- priceless. Any video of a cat and a gate or a screen door- amazing. Sometimes your mind just needs a break, and that's okay. That's what these cutesy videos are for.

But not the garbage they brought me. I would have tolerated 3 more minutes of my life being stolen by trying to figure out what the damn fox is saying over that clay Ken waving his hands through the air as he walked naked down the street.

So, I did what any mom pissed off at the technological age would do.

I made my kids go read a book.

Gasp, I know.

I called my kids down into the kitchen.

Me: Well, I've been thinking about that little video y'all shared with me. It was horrible, one of the stupidest things I've ever seen in my life, and it made me realize something. When's the last time either of you read a book?
The Girl: Today.
Me: In school?
The Girl: Yeah.
Me: Doesn't count. I'm talking, read a book, outside of school, for pleasure?
The Girl: Oh. Umm....
(Blank stares from The Ginger)
Me: That's exactly what I thought. Throw your phones, gaming devices, whatever, on the kitchen island and

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Child-Centered Parenting? Not in This House...

I have a google ad. Well, not me- my book has a google ad. Every little bit helps to spread the word, right?

My google ad came with a google ad rep for the first month. I had weekly conversations with Lyle, who helped set up my google ad, and did all of these googley things to it to help send the right people to my book. Lyle also taught me the ins and outs of google ads, because one day I would be set free to take over and make changes myself.

During one of our phone conversations, Lyle taught me how to look up what search terms people used to find my book. He taught me how to add certain terms that I don't want associated with my book to a list so that google knows not to display my ad when those words are searched.

Lyle: Mean mom...
Me: Yeah, keep that one. It has me curious (laugh).
Lyle: (laughing) Okay. I figured you'd like that one. What about 'child-centric parenting'?

I shuddered.
Pic Courtesy

Me: No. Definitely not. Let's remove that one, please. I don't need anyone trying to find a book on child-centric parenting to think my book has the answers. I advocate locking yourself in the closet to hide from your kids when needed entirely too much for a person wanting to practice child-centric parenting.
Lyle: (nervous laugh) Okay. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but I'll take your word for it.

Oh, Lyle. Sweet, young, life-fully-ahead-of-him, google Lyle. We definitely didn't have enough time in our weekly 30 minute conversation for me to explain to him even the basic ideas behind the term.

Before I go jumping into this subject matter head first, I'll offer a small disclaimer here for people who find this article searching google, or for those who have never been here before and don't know me or how I see the world. I wrote my book, Tatted Mom's Guide to NOT Screwing Up Your Kids, with the idea that what works for one family won't necessarily work for another family, and if it works for your family, and your kids are safe and healthy, then rock that parenting style, regardless of what others say. I don't judge parents for having different parenting styles, but I am opinionated about what has and hasn't worked for me as a parent.

This is just my opinion, though. Always keep that in mind.

Alright, fasten your seat belts. Let's roll...

Child-centric or child-centered parenting, when boiled down to its basic core, is just as the term states: The child, or children, are the focus of everything. The family revolves around the child(ren).

Think back to the 1950s. The father was the head of the household. What he said was law in the house. Children were not the center of the family. They were rarely seen, and never heard. That is what's known as

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Story Time Sunday- My Roller Coaster Baby

Hubby and I decided after being married for about a year that we wanted to start having kids. My body wasn't so receptive to the idea. We tried, and tried, and tried, and nothing, thanks to a very long history of female problems that I had had from the age of 13.

Off to the fertility specialist we went, as we approached the year mark of trying to have kids.

Hormone tests revealed that I didn't produce enough of the hormones needed to ovulate. So, all the sex Hubby and I were having should pretty much have been viewed as recreational instead of procreational, as we thought, as I didn't even produce anything that could be turned into a baby by his man-stuff.

Fertility drugs it was.

First dose didn't take. They upped my dosage and sent me home for round #2.

After almost a year of trying to have a baby with no results at all, you get burned out. So, Hubby and I talked about it, and if this set of fertility treatments hadn't produced a baby, we were taking a break from the stress of trying to get pregnant.

Test results came back, and according to the fertility clinic, I hadn't ovulated yet again. They asked me to come in for round #3, which is when we told them that we were heading back home on vacation and would resume treatment the following month.

That was a miracle in disguise.

We headed home a few weeks later, and Hubby's brother and wife wanted to take us swimming one day. I put on my 2 piece bathing suit (ah, the joys of being 20 years old and a size 6), and, well...

My boobs fell out of the top. Literally. My sister-in-law even tried helping me stuff them back in. Didn't

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Story Time Sunday- The Poop Scream

I took a few weeks off from my Story Time Sunday posts, but I'm bringing them back strong for 2014. Thanks for the feedback that y'all actually liked them. ;)

For today's post, we head back almost 12 years to The Girl's first days at home, for a story I like to call

The Poop Scream.

The Girl was born in March of 2002. Everything went fine, and we were released from the hospital a few days later. Hubby was a great hands-on dad. The Girl was a little on the dehydrated side, because my milk still hadn't fully come in, so we supplemented with some formula the hospital gave us, and Hubby was more than happy to feed his beautiful baby girl a bottle. He got up with her in the middle of the night to bring her to me for feedings, he gave her baths, he changed her clothes when she spit up, and he sat with her for what seemed like forever, smiling and making faces at her.

Then came his first solo diaper change.

He didn't argue when his time came. He had done diaper changes before, with me beside him, helping him learn shortcuts and tricks of the trade. But this would be his first solo one, with me all the way down the hall,

Friday, January 3, 2014

Never Mind, You're Right, I Must Be a B!tch

I've been wanting to post my 2014 resolutions. Yeah, yeah, I know you are supposed to post them before or directly after the start of the new year, but give me a break- I've been sick since the 30th. So, I decided today was the day that I'd get my resolutions post up, and then, laying in bed, I read a friend of mine's most recent post on her blog, and she went and screwed everything up for me.

Thanks, Brooke.

Her post is entitled, "Almost There..." and her blog is The Daily Dose of Dahl. She's awesome, too, so I'll give you a second to go read her post, so you understand what in the hell I'm talking about in my post today. Go on. I'll be here, sipping my coffee...

Hey, there, you're back. See? I told you she's awesome. For those who decided to just keep reading my blog ("Shame, Shame, You know your name"- yes, this will be the year of the Goonies quotes, as well), the part of Brooke's post that seriously got me thinking was this:

"While it's not my intention to make fun of anyone else, nor put them down, nor make them feel badly, when you behave like a douche nozzle and I relay that in writing, perhaps 'anyone' should think a little about their behavior(s) versus jumping down my throat for putting ridiculous behavior on my blog." (Brooke, The Daily Dose of Dahl)

Amen, sista, Amen.
Pic Courtesy

This is a point, as a blogger, I struggle with every single day. I see something, or hear something, or read something, that seriously pisses me off, and I want to write about it- it's in my DNA. But, as soon as I hit 'publish' on that post, I get bullied for saying what everyone else is thinking. WTF?

Apparently, just because that woman shouldn't be literally dragging her kid down the street on a kid leash doesn't mean I'm supposed to write about how she's dragging her kid down the street on a kid leash. Never mind her behavior, but I'm wrong for posting about it? Get the fuck out of town!

I teeter this fine line between writing what I want and keeping my mouth shut to save myself grief from being

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Well, Slap My Ass and Call Me Suzy...

... or Sally, or even Bertha. Just don't call me Morg. It's too close to Morgue. Dead things, Mikey, Dead Things...

Someone has nominated me as a Top 50 Hilariously Funny Parent Blogger of 2014.

This is an ice cream sundae topped with awesomesauce and a freaking cherry. Thanks to whoever nominated me. You (or y'all) rock!

It couldn't have come at a better time, either. New Years Eve I spent lying in bed, trying not to vomit. I did not succeed in my goal 3 times, and boy was it disgusting. Spent New Years Day resting, just to wake up this morning violently expelling the contents of my body from a more southern-exposed area. And my kids have dentist appointments and an art lesson today. This should be fun.

TMI, right? Hell, that's what makes a funny mom blogger funny.

So, this nomination made me seriously smile, and made me know that I'm still on the right path with this chaotic writing thing I do. It makes y'all laugh, which makes me laugh, which in turn makes my Hubby and kids relax, because, let's face it, a laughing, happy mom is better than a bitching, crazy mom. So, my family thanks y'all.

Voting is simple. You click on the banner below (or the "Top 50 Hilariously Funny Parent Blogger of 2014" link above), scroll down until you get to The Inklings of Life, and click the little blue heart. That's it! Voting can be done once via each IP address, so if you have more than one computer, or smart phone, or tablet thingie, hit them all up.

Just looking at the other blogs nominated, the competition is pretty awesome this year. Many of these ladies make me almost pee my pants. Whatever the outcome for my little blog, though, I'm seriously honored to have been nominated.

Thanks again to whoever nominated me, to all who vote, and to all who read my craziness on a regular basis. Y'all make this all worth it!! ;)

If you enjoy Inklings, please take a second to just click the banner below. Each click = 1 vote, and you can vote once per 24 hours. I do happy dances when people vote!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Year in Review for Inklings- 2013's Stats, Ups, Downs, and Awesomeness

It's been a hell of a year for me, and for Inklings. I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year, tell you I'll be back up and blogging regularly in the next few days, and to give y'all the ups and downs of Inklings in 2013.

This will be a fun post. At least, it was for me to write it, and see the evolution of my blog over the last year.

5 Most Read Inklings Articles in 2013

1. My Reasons for Not Looking Like Maria Kang After Having Children
Surprise, surprise, with the fake apology Kang issued this year, a year after her picture was posted, not only did she rise to the top of the online controversy ring, but so did my reply to her picture that I wrote back in 2012. I'm not even going to lie- this post, and the bullying I received because of it (I was called a "fat whale" on several online forums, and a few people went to the extent of saying I should have my children taken away from me), caused me to stay off of the computer for about a week. So, it's no shocker that this was the most read post on my website in 2013. Karma got her this year, though. With all her bullying and fat-shaming, Kang got banned from facebook and found herself losing credibility as a human being, when she basically stated that overweight women shouldn't wear lingerie. I'm just waiting for her to issue another fake apology around October of 2014 so she can stir the pot again and get her face out there. She has bills to pay, you know?

2. What Celebs Have Taught Me About a Size 6-
People surely are obsessed with the elusive "Size 6". Most of the people who found this article were just looking for pictures of celebrities who stated they were a size six, but small google search hits like that add up to this article, from 2012, being the 2nd most viewed post on Inklings in 2013.

3. 13 Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen to When I Was a Kid-
Definitely a fun one to write this year, and yes, there will be a second edition in 2014. This one was even picked up over at, and out of the hundreds of positive comments I received on it, of people thanking me for taking them on a trip down memory lane, I had 1 negative commenter say it was the most ridiculous post they had ever read because 'You Outta Know' by Alanis Morrisette is not a dirty song. You have to spell things out for some people, huh? Good grief.

4. Dear Miley Cyrus-