Sunday, September 8, 2013

Story Time Sunday #1: The Portal Girl

Somewhere along the line, I've been told I have great stories to tell. Between having been a tattoo artist, new age store owner, having lived in 2 countries and being a mom who doesn't think like most moms, I guess I can see that.

So, I decided to start Story Time Sunday. Each Sunday, I'll share with you all a random story from my life. Yes, they are all true... I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Grab a cup of coffee, pull up a chair, and gather around for my first Story Time Sunday! This week, I'll start out with a bang!

The Portal Girl

I owned a new age store for several years, and would get asked the craziest things. I had a completely open mind (why I opened the store), so while I never talked down to anyone or argued with what they believed, there were a few times I raised an eyebrow when a person asked me a question.

I will never forget The Portal Girl. She came rushing into Static Moon (the name of my store) one day, all in a frenzy.

Portal Girl: OH, thank goodness you are here today. I came yesterday, but you weren't open.
Me: Oh. Sorry. I close on Sundays. Are you okay?
PG: No. I have a question that I hope you can help me with. I don't know who else to turn to.
Me: Okay, shoot.
PG: How do you close a portal?

At this point, I didn't say a word. I started looking around, wondering if I was on Candid Camera. The look on her face told me I was not.

Me: I'm sorry, what? A portal?
PG: Yes. How do you close a portal? 
Me: Well, to be completely honest, I'm not sure. How did you open the portal?
PG: With this spell I created.

I started looking around the room again. No hidden camera men were popping out at me.

Me: Okay. Well, can't you just reverse the spell, which would close the portal?

PG: I tried that. It didn't work.
Me: Oh. Okay. Umm... you opened the portal, correct?
PG: Yes.
Me: Well, if you wanted it open, why do you now want it closed?
PG: See, that's the thing. I opened the portal to (and she named some land I'd never heard of- I can't even begin to try and figure out what she said, so we'll just leave it at numbering the realms) Realm #1 in the vanity mirror in my room. It was amazing. I'd always wanted to go there, so I went through the mirror, explored for a while, and came back to my room. I couldn't believe I had actually opened the portal, so I decided to open the doorway to Realm #2 (again, no idea what she said) in my full length mirror, also in my bedroom.

I'm glad my poker face was intact, but I couldn't help but think someone was playing a huge joke on me. I looked around, but she and I were still the only two in the store.

Me: Okay. 2 mirrors, 2 portals to 2 different realms. Am I following correctly so far?
PG: Yeah, that's right. So, I walked around Realm #2 for a while, and then came back to my room, where I found it was time to go to bed- you see, time is different in these other worlds than here in our dimension.
Me: Understandable.
I'm not even going to lie, I was picturing this scene
from the movie 300 as she told her story.
PG: Exactly. So, I went to bed, not thinking about the fact that the people in Realm #1 are mortal enemies of the people in Realm #2, so while I was sleeping, they exited the mirrors and started a war in my bedroom.
Me: A war?
PG: Yes, they have been fighting for thousands of years, but were separated a few hundred years ago, so the war stopped. Well, they could see each other in the mirrors, because I was stupid enough to put the mirrors across from each other, so they came out and started the war again in my room. 
Me: I see. And they've been fighting in your room this entire time?
PG: Well, no. I was able to separate them again, and put them back into the mirrors, but I can't figure out how to close the portals so they don't get out again. For right now, I just faced the mirrors to the walls.
Me: Smart move. I wouldn't have thought of that.
PG: Thank you. It's the only thing I could think to do. So, I need to know how to close the portals. Do you have any suggestions, or any books that could help me out?

This was the point in my job that I should have sold her $100 worth of books, candles, herbs and made up some "spell" to help her close these portals. But, I was an ethical shop owner (probably a reason that added to my store closing after 3 years), so I pulled some reference books from behind the counter and she and I started researching how to close a portal. She ended up spending something like $3 on a crystal and some herbs that one of the books told her would help (yes, there are books that help with closing portals- I was shocked, too), and about a week later, she returned to the shop to thank me. She had successfully closed the portals in her room, after talking to the people of both realms and having them declare peace, of course. But, she didn't want to run the risk of keeping the portals open, so she followed the instructions found in one of my books, and painfully closed them forever.

That's when she asked me if I had anything to help her increase her power orb throwing abilities, because she and an enemy of hers that works with her at WalMart were always getting into energy orb fights, and he was starting to win...

... but that's a story for another Sunday.

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  1. LMAO!!! I missed that one! Goodness!

    1. One of Crazy Shane's friends, so it should make more sense, lol. ;)
      Wait until I get to the one about us playing with the spirit board that night and the candles almost burning out... heebie jeebies, lol.

  2. Haha. Wow! You handled that with more aplomb that most other people would have.

    1. Thanks. It was definitely one of the more trying times I've ever had in that shop, lol.