Friday, August 30, 2013

13 Songs My Parents Probably Shouldn't Have Let Me Listen To As a Kid

I was driving in my car yesterday, and the song "Dead Bite" by Hollywood Undead came on the radio. I adore this song. It's catchy, the beat is awesome, and I'm constantly finding myself singing, "Good night, sleep tight, Don't let the dead bite." That's when Hubby informed me that the song is about one guy hunting down and killing another guy, and possibly mass murdering many others. Dammit, I liked that song. No more playing it around the kids, that's for sure.

That got me thinking about songs that I listened to growing up that maybe my parents shouldn't have allowed, if they knew the lyrics. My research turned up some beauties, Inklingers. I'm about to take you on a trip down Memory Lane, back to your middle school dances and driving around in your parent's car on the weekends. Sing along, but make sure you actually take a look at some of the lyrics I'm posting- it will make your jaw drop to the floor.

These are in random order, of course, and I've included the videos (or close enough to the videos) to refresh your memories. Enjoy!

1. Semi-Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind

Ah, it's starting in your head already, isn't it? "Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo... I'm packed and I'm holding..." That first part should have done the song in, but no. It goes on to talk about cocaine ("I was taking sips of it through my nose"), sex ("She comes round and she goes down on me" and "How do I get back to the place where I fell asleep inside you") and comes right out and says, "Doin' crystal meth will lift you up until you break." I love this song, too- even saw them in concert when Hubby and I were still dating. Classic song that now, as a mom, I refuse to let my kids listen to. Ahh, the joys of teenagehood in the 90s.

2. Push It- Salt n' Pepa

I'm not even bringing up the obvious Salt n' Pepa song from the 90s, "Let's Talk About Sex"- that's on everyone's list of questionable songs. I'm going for "Push It". Not much to the song at all, lyrically speaking, but then you get to, "Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed, Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard, Like I wish you would, Now push it, Push it real good." I remember what I told my parents- they were talking about dancing on the dancefloor, duh. Play dumb. It always works. It's better than trying to explain to your parents that you know exactly what the song's talking about, right?

3. OPP- Naughty By Nature

The old Jackson 5 beat starts up, and you started dancing, right? Great beat, great rhythm, and then, in the first verse, he explain-rapes what OPP is: Other People's P*ssy/Penis (or Property, for the edited crowd). This song is about having sex with whoever in the hell you want to, regardless of whether they (or you) are married or with someone. Hell, the first 5 seconds of the video shows a married guy taking off his wedding ring. Not the best morals you want to teach your kids. But I remember dancing to it with all my friends at middle school dances... and singing along. Good grief.

4. You Oughta Know- Alanis Morrisette

Still, to this day, this is one of the ultimate pissed off chick songs. Girl is happy with guy, guy leaves girl, girl tells guy, "It was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced, and are you thinking of me when you f*ck her?" RAWR, YES!!!!! Gets me all girl powered up!!! Then, for the best line in ANY song EVER, she goes on to say, "And everytime I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it." If you have ever been the scorned woman, you know how singing this song lyric at the top of your lungs makes you feel a million times better. Just don't sing it in the face of the guy you were dating, but he cheated on you, so you went all pissy chick on him, but he still has a tattoo of yours to finish, so you turn the song up real loud and scream the important lyrics for the whole shop to hear, as he's tattooing your wrist. It causes him to yell out, "NO!",  throw the tattoo machine down, rip off his gloves and tell you it's time for a break, after calling you a bitch... hypothetically speaking, of course...

5. Bump N' Grind- R. Kelly

Before R.Kelly started peeing on people, he was a pretty decent R&B star. One of his catchiest songs is "Bump N' Grind", and let's all face it, we sang along, and grinded our hips into the air as we sang. I don't even need to post specific lyrics here, the whole song made things a little awkward when it came on the radio while you were riding somewhere with your parents. Your mind was telling you to not to sing, but your body, your body was telling you yes. I decided not to post the actual video for "Bump N' Grind" here with this post, but instead, my favorite scene from the movie "Without a Paddle", that has the song in it. I love this movie, and this part makes me laugh every single time.

6. I Wanna Sex You Up- Color Me Badd

Tick-tock, you don't stop... I remember secretly listening to this song, locked in my room, and turning the radio off real quick if I heard my parents walking anywhere near my door. The whole song is censorship worthy, but my favorite lyric has to be, "We can do it 'til we both wake up." WTF? Is someone falling asleep while they are having sex? If so, I'm sure she won't be back for more, buddy. I always liked how people got all up in arms about this song, but Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" flew under the radar. Is it because Color Me Badd just wanted to drink wine and have their way with you, but Boyz II Men wanted to make it all sweet and sensual by adding emotion? I want to note, for the record, that I actually remembered that the Badd had 2 d's in it. That's the nerdd in me...

7. Genie in a Bottle- Christina Aguilera

Before Christina's "Dirrty" phase, she was sweet and innocent, singing about genies, bottles, and "You gotta rub me the right way." Wait, what? Double entendre, anyone? I will say that you have to give her props in this song- she does say that, "Hormones racing at the speed of light, but that don't mean it's gotta be tonight," encouraging kids to wait on sex. This is a far cry from her next album's song, "Dirrty", where she was then preaching, "Let's get dirrty, I need that to get me off, Sweatin' until my clothes come off." Somebody lost their virginity between albums #1 and #2...

8. Freak Like Me- Adina Howard

So, the name itself should have been a huge indicator that the song was probably not appropriate for young ears, but did that stop you from listening to it? Hell no. It's starting up in your head right now, isn't it? "Cause I will be a freak until the day, until the dawn, And we can pump pump all through the night, 'Til the early morn." Catchy as hell. And, you can't forget about my favorite line, "I will take you around the 'hood on a gansta lean," 'cause you know all the white girls in suburbia (like me) knew all about gangsta leanin' in the hood... And about the dog in me...

9. Possum Kingdom- Toadies

This song, at first glance, is just slightly suspicious. There's nothing in it reallly that screams inappropriate... at first. In fact, when I was telling Hubby about this post I was writing, and brought up "Possum Kingdom", he argued with me that it wasn't inappropriate... until I ran over the lyrics with him. This song, in a nutshell, is about a guy taking a girl behind the lakehouse and killing her. I'll summarize for you: "Behind the boathouse, I'll show you my dark secret...I can promise you, You'll stay as beautiful, With dark hair, and soft skin, forever... Be my angel, Be my angel, Do you wanna die?... So help me Jesus." Your jaw just dropped open, didn't it? You've been singing that since your teenage years, belting out, "Give it up to me", with no idea that dude was killing someone, haven't you? Tricky, tricky, that 90s alternative music.

10. Red Light Special- TLC

I know every girl had this scenario happen: "Creep" and "Waterfalls" came out, and you really liked those songs, so you (or your parents) bought the "CrazySexyCool" CD, because TLC seemed to be a pretty decent band. Then, in the privacy of your own bedroom, you listened to the entire CD, to have "Red Light Special" catch your attention immediately. Suddenly, your new CD needed to be hidden from your parents, because if they actually paid attention to the lyrics to that song, they'd take it away from you in a heartbeat. Here are some highlights: "I'll let you touch it if you'd like to go down, I'll let you go further if you take the southern route," "If you want it tonight, Just come through my door, Take off my clothes, And turn on the red light," and my personal favorite, "If I move too fast just let me know, 'Cause it means you move too slow." Damn. It's like that, huh?

11. Closer- Nine Inch Nails

So, I'm not even going to lie about this one- when I was a teenager, and I was uber pissed at my parents, I'd slam my door shut, lock it, and turn this song all the way up on my stereo. Was I aware that, "I want to f*ck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside" are the lyrics? Fully aware of it. That's why I rebelled by subjecting everyone in the house to my angry music; I knew my parents would go ballistic over that song. Hell, it starts out with "You let me violate you, You let me desecrate you, You let me penetrate you, You let me complicate you." How could I not get anyone's attention with that song?

12. Too Close- Next

When I was doing research for this post (listening to my 90s Pandora station), this song kept popping up (pun completely intended), and I would just sing away like I did at my high school dances. Four times I had to listen to this song before I actually paid attention to the lyrics. In a nutshell (again, pun intended), this song is about a guy getting a boner while dancing with a girl. Even when the beginning of the song says, "I wonder if she could tell I'm hard right now," I still never got it- not 15 years ago, and not now. It's just so damn catchy that you don't realize what you are singing, not even when the girl sings, "Step back, you're dancing kinda close, I feel a little poke coming through from you." No idea what I thought this song was about, but it definitely wasn't that.

13. Pony- Ginuwine

This song has one of the coolest beats ever. As soon as you hear it, you have no choice but to yell out, "Hell YES!" No idea what the guy is really saying until the chorus: "If your horny, let's do it, Ride it, My pony, My saddle's waiting, Come and jump on it." Good grief, did it just get hot in here? Temperature raise a little bit? How about, this song is so hot and steamy that they used it in the movie "Magic Mike" and it will forever be known as the Hot Channing Tatum Gets Almost Naked, Down to a Red Thong Solo Song. And that's how I'm ending this post today- not with Ginuwine's video (the spelling of his name makes me want to grab my red pen), but with the hotness of Channing Tatum. The song's playing in the background, so it counts. You're welcome, ladies.

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  1. I used to do the same thing with my NIN CD. Of course, then there was the point at which I moved out, decided to be just a raunchy as the song, and danced that way at the club. NOT my finest hour, but I got lots of attention!

    I'll never get tired of Channings ass. Though I could do with alot less of that chicks Bitchy Resting Face. She must have had an industrial sized bag of sour patch kids to film that scene. Or else she's just very unfortunate.

  2. LMFAO! I've always wondered why they ruined Tatum's ass scene with cut scenes of her face. I hated her in the part to begin with, but when she comes in between me and my Channing, with her Just Smelled a Fart face, yeah, not happy, lol.

  3. I love this post! Love love! I still to this day remember riding in the car with my mom, playing my mix tape and Salt n' Pepa's 'What A Man' coming on. My mom turned to me and said: "Did she just say 'I think I wanna have your baby???'" Lmao! Priceless.
    And the Channing clip instead of the Ginuwine video? Thank you.

    1. You're very welcome, lol. ;)
      I totally forgot about "What a Man"!! My mom used to raise an eyebrow, too.
      I may have to compile a part 2. Hubby came up with some good ones the other day, lol.

    2. You definitely should do a part 2! You've gotta include ANYTHING by 2 Live Crew, lol :)

  4. "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael and "Joker" by Steve Miller Band fall into that category, too, but I didn't go around referring to girl parts as peaches or butchering grammar in dirty talk because of them.

    Still, when Bruno Mars comes on the radio, I consult my oldest: "Is this one of his naughty songs?" There's a 50/50 chance.

    65 points for you for knowing about the two Ds in Color Me Badd.

    1. WOOOO HOOO! Now I'm up to... 65 points, lol. If we're playing to 20, Coach, I'm good. If not, I'd like to trade my points in for a fluffy unicorn stuffed animal, please. ;)

      Holy crap, George Michael. Makes it a little funny now if you think about how he wanted nothing to do with those half naked chicks in the video, and would probably rather have had the camera man shooting the video. (Sigh) So much has changed in the last 20 years, lol.

  5. My growing up years were soooo tame! The only song I could think of was Strokin' by Clarence Carter. Once, when we were DJ'ing, we were asked to shut it off! That's as close to the line as I ever got! I live through you!!!

    1. "I be strokin'" LMAO! That song has always made me giggle. That, and the song about balls by AC/DC (I think). Good times!!

  6. There was a song called Tic Tac Toe by Kyper when I was a kid. I sang along, no clue that " givin' them pearls" was not talking about the ones from oysters.

  7. I loved the song from Backstreet boys, "Everybody." They right out and asked "Am I sexual?" Yeah, yeah! I listened to that song several times in the mini van with my parents just singing right along. Ooops!

    1. Holy crap, I LOVED that song! Admit it now, when they sang the 'sexual' part, you sang it, too, with funk and grinding in the air like Nick did in the video, didn't you? Upper lip curled up a bit with the word, 'sexual'. No? Was I the only one?

  8. Pearl Jam I'm told is a loose reference to having jizz on you. The Freshman by Verve Pipe is a song about drug use and death "his best friend took a week to forget her; his girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept" and "shoot full of ricin".