Monday, July 29, 2013

Couponing, Tatted Mom Style

There seems to be an endless cycle repeating itself in my life every few months for the last year or so:
  • Finances are great, so I relax on the couponing.
  • Something pops up (whether it's an unexpected bill, Hubby's comic book ebay habit, or an event like vacation or back-to-school) to where I need to extreme coupon to have what we need
  • I get addicted to getting things for free or nearly free until the next payday
  • The next payday comes, money evens out, extreme couponing relaxes
  • Wash, rinse, repeat cycle
The thing is, I have no idea why I stop couponing when money is fine in our house, because when I do the couponing thing, I even shock myself sometimes. 
$5.27 total for everything you see here

Take this recent trip for example. I had pieced together a deal on the pizza and ice cream that should have come out to $6 for those 4 items. I had free coupons for the yogurt, spinach and handsoap, but when you add on the milk, eggs and soda, my total should have been right around $11, with tax included. When the cashier announced my total of $5.27, I was shocked. As I stood there confused and handed the cashier exactly $5.27, she sensed my hesitation and began looking over the receipt herself, to see if there was an error somewhere. She accepted the money, handed me my receipt, and I told the kids to haul ass out of the store before they realized I had just (excuse the term, but it's what I use to describe my style of couponing) coupon raped them. Come to find out, I had a coupon on my grocery store card for $5 off of a $20 purchase that they accepted, taking my $11 estimate down to $5 and some change. 

You would think, with savings like that, and the rush you get walking out of a store having paid next to nothing for groceries, that I would do this all of the time. What if I told you that wasn't even the best deal I got last week?
  • A loaf of bread, 4 pack of yogurt, large container of liquid coffee creamer, toothpaste and a bottle of shampoo (the $5 stuff) for $3.72 total.
  • The kids and I took a trip to Target at 8:30 at night for 2 bottles of men's body wash, 2 women's

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog, Part 5

It's that time again, folks. You know, this has become one of my favorite segments here at Inklings. My original e-card designed specifically for this section of my blog has been passed around like a $2 whore. Readers laugh, cry, and email me for more. I love it.

For those who are new, the rundown is going to go quickly, so hold on tight.

Google Analytics gives me exact search terms people have used that have landed them on my blog. I pick the weirdest ones to share with you all, along with what I have to say to the person who found my blog via those search terms.

You can read past Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog segments here, here, here and here.

As always, these are in random order. Enjoy!

How can you defend drunk driving?- I'm actually at a loss with this one. Was someone caught drunk driving and they are trying to find excuses for their defense before their court hearing? Go with, "The leprechaun would have driven me home, but his unicorn was parked at another bar." That always works.

Do celebrities lie about their measurements?- Is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Seriously? If you don't think celebrities lie about their measurements, I have some great oceanfront property in Nebraska that you have to buy, sight unseen, of course...

Things your tattoo artist won't tell you- Well, there's the fact that... hey, wait. I'm a tattoo artist. Nice try, you almost got me with that one...

Bitch, let's grab coffee- Okay, hooker, let's go.

I know women envy my big boobs- Damn, you aren't proud of them, are you? Not sure how this search landed them on my blog, unless it's because of the post I wrote about living in perpetual boob envy of

Monday, July 22, 2013

My Least Favorite Time of Year

The kids have just a little over a week and a half left of their summer vacation, so that means that we have approached...

School Clothes Shopping Time.

Someone make sure I have headache medicine, cheesecake with chocolate and raspberries, and a glass bottle of Moscato waiting on me, please.

The Ginger is easy. He hates clothes shopping, so he pulls random things off of the racks, hands them to me and says, "Can we go now?" Normally I start with him because he is so headache-free, so I figure I'll just get his shopping done and out of the way. I think I will try another strategy this year, so I end the shopping trip on a good note.

The Girl... where do I begin with The Girl? Do I start with the fact that the child is 5'2" already, skinny as a rail so she doesn't quite fit into children's sizes anymore, but trying to find a size 0 or 1 in appropriate juniors clothes is like trying to figure out what in the hell the words are to "Gangnam Style"- nearly impossible?

Or, do I start with how most clothes that actually fit her make her look 16- something I'm desperately trying to avoid, considering she's only 11?

Or, I could start with how the "style" nowadays is to wear clothes so tight that you can see parts of a human body that you don't even seen when you are making love to a person?

Or, how about how the 1980s are making a comeback, so all of the racks in the stores look like Debbie Gibson's and The Bangles' hand-me-downs?  I lived through legwarmers, neon colored skirts and shirts, high top sneakers with crazy shoe laces and the side ponytails. Whose idea was it to bring this sh*t back, and the better question is why? I can't think of one person who is proud of their childhood 80s pictures. I've never told my kids, "You should have seen how awesome I was in my jean jacket with 3 layers of shirts underneath, including a vest, my jean skirt, bright pink leggings with my blue leg warmers and my flats with the bows on them. It was amazing. Wait, let me get pictures." Never going to happen.

Or, maybe I should just focus on how the two of us just don't see eye-to-eye on clothing at all. I'm a jeans

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Just a Few Spots Left!

I want to extend a HUGE thanks to everyone who has submitted stories and tips for my upcoming book. I have gotten some great additions, and only have a few specific topics left that need your help!

~ Baby sleeping/ Lack of sleep for mom and dad
~ Toddler temper tantrums
~ Picky eaters
~ ADHD/ medicating children/ natural ways to help kids with their mood swings
~ Catching a child in a lie
~ Tween/teen peer pressure

If you have a funny (and positive) story or tip that has worked for you in one of these subject areas, then have it included in my upcoming book! Email me your submission at, and if I choose to include your submission in my book, you will get a FREE COPY of my book as a THANK YOU!!

I'm asking that all submissions are in by July 31st, and be sure to include how you would like to be credited. If you are a mom blogger, include the URL of your blog!

Keep in mind that my book is not an anthology. It is a nonfiction book on parenting outside of the box, but includes short, funny stories and tips from moms. People submitting stories and tips will not be credited as an author, but your story or tip will be credited to you inside the book.

Now comes the legal stuff. By commenting below or submitting a story via email to me, you are waiving your rights to this story, and are giving me permission to make necessary edits to the story and reprint it in my upcoming book. Not all submissions will be included in the book, but the submissions that are included were volunteered, and no monetary compensation was given, or will be given, for the submission, even after the book has been printed and is selling. If you would like to remain anonymous, then please include a nickname with your submission, otherwise your submission will be credited with just your first name in the book. I promise to not reprint any email addresses or full identities of people sending stories. I do ask that your story is original and has never been submitted to a printed book before (previous blog posts from your personal site are fine). A free copy of my book, once published, will be offered to anyone who submits a story that I include in the book.

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Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Right around The Girl's birthday a few months ago, Hubby decided to buy her a phone. I was against this decision, but as she was accepted to a prestigious middle school program in a school that was off base for this upcoming school year, he felt she needed the phone for emergencies, and as a reward for getting into this program.

And apparently for texting me, from downstairs, at 11:30 at night, when I'm trying to relax in my bed upstairs and read before I drift off to sleep. So, I showed her what texting me at this hour, when I'm delirious from my body trying to get to sleep, truly entailed.

Man, this was fun.

For a little background, Skelly is The Girl's cat. It's Bones' daughter, but suffered some oxygen deprivation to her brain from being born 2 days after her siblings, so Skelly is... special (it has been confirmed by 2 veterinarians . She can't meow (it sounds like a dying set of bagpipes), and she spends a lot of time staring at the wall. But, Skelly has always loved The Girl; she sleeps with her every night, stands at the door and waits for her when she goes outside, and The Girl is the only person who can pick Skelly up and carry her around. It's actually quite adorable.

And, for a little more background, The Ginger lost our set of keys to the mailbox yesterday, so we spent the better part of the day looking for them. I finally came to the conclusion that fairies stole them. Seriously, what other logical explanation is there?

There are 4 screenshots total (so make sure you hit "Continue Tatted Mom's craziness here" under the last one to see the rest) before Hubby came home from work and sleepy time took over for me. The Girl is in yellow; I'm in blue.

Monday, July 15, 2013

8 Tips for Surviving Vacation

Ahh, vacation. Time off from the routine of life, off of work for some of us, and time to relax and visit a place you either love or have never ventured to before. We just returned from our vacation to Sedona, AZ and the Grand Canyon (pictures will be up later this week). Hubby's mom and aunt came from the east coast for a week, and we rented a huge car for all 6 of us, plus the puppy, to fit into comfortably and hit the road.

Our vacation was amazing, very enlightening for me, and went pretty smoothly. Yep, you read that right. 6 people, comprised of 4 adults, 1 tween and 1 very-opinionated 8 year old, plus a puppy, and the vacation went off without a hitch. Sure, we hit some speed bumps along the way, but our pretty relaxing vacation inspired me to pass on our success tips to everyone.

1. Add an hour to everything. 4 hour road trip to your destination? Add at least an extra hour into your time calculations. Shopping for a few hours before dinner? Move dinner back an hour. Things come up, people want to explore more, bathroom breaks are needed, so I wouldn't follow an extremely strict schedule when on vacation. The only time you can count on 3 hours being 3 hours, is when you are taking a guided tour. Those guys give you exactly what you pay for, and not a second over it.

2. Remember that, while you may not have to pee, there are others who probably do. Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of photographing a live unicorn on your vacation than getting every member of your party to pee on the exact same schedule, especially when your party consists of coffee drinkers, lemonade drinkers, and members who start their day with a coffee and a redbull. So, while the last rest stop was only 45 minutes ago, and you are approaching another one, ask the crowd.

3. Unplug. Yes, friends and family on facebook would LOVE to see that picture of the Grand Canyon as soon as you take it, but would it really matter if you uploaded it when you got back to the hotel that night? Nope, it doesn't. Unplug yourself, and your kids, to get the most of your vacation. Instead of having them play video games or watch a movie during the drive, play old-fashioned road trip games with them, like "I Spy" or the License Plate game. The Girl copped a major attitude about halfway through our vacation, and lost her phone for the duration of the trip as punishment. While the initial bad mood it put her in put a slight

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Join Me on Vacation!!

First family vacation in... well... forever, and it's finally upon us. Hubby's mom and aunt flew in from the east coast yesterday, and starting today, our vacation has begun.

I'm excited and happy.

We're heading to Sedona and the Grand Canyon, and I couldn't be happier. Sedona is full of energy vortexes, and if y'all know me, you know I'm a tree-hugging hippie. The last time we went to a place of high energy was Glastonbury, England, and that was back in 2005. I hiked up the side of a steep hill to the top of the Glastonbury Tor with a 6 month old Ginger strapped to me in a baby carrier, and never even got winded. I LOVED it. I can't wait to be around something like that again.

Today we are heading to a national park that has Native American petroglyphs on the sides of rocks, and we only have to travel to the outside of Tucson for that amazing experience.

So excited.

I will still be posting, so you don't have to worry about me disappearing. You should virtually join me on my vacation by checking out my status updates on the Inklings' Facebook page and pictures of the amazing things I'll be seeing on my Instagram account. I think that's one of the things I'm looking forward to the most- the amazing pictures I'll take. I'm a photographer at heart, and the Arizona landscape makes for some absolutely beautiful pictures.

Here's to fun times, creating amazing memories, beautiful sights, tree-hugging and sunburn-free-skin (fingers crossed). I hope you decide to virtually join me!!

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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

My Love/Hate Relationship With My Blog

There are a few women in the blogosphere that I absolutely adore. One of them is Hot Mess Mom. She and I have "known" each other for a little over a year now, when I confessed my love of her blog to her. She actually replied (without a restraining order), and that's how it all began. I love her blog, the way she writes, how laid back she is when it comes to parenting, and her potty mouth. It makes me giggle.

When she asked me to be apart of her guest blogging series this summer, I, of course, said yes (and may have done a happy dance). Her topic for us guest bloggers was our love/hate relationship with our blog... a subject I know all too well.

So, head on over there, read it, take a look around her site, and be sure to check out her "There's a Chance This is Vodka" cups. Genius, if you ask me! I warn you now, I was wide open with this post, so if you are offended by strong language then what are you doing here anyway you may not want to read this post.


Summer 2013 Guest Blogging Series Welcomes Morgan from The Inklings of Life

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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Surviving Summer Vacation- Month 1

My kids have been on summer vacation for a little over a month now, and it's been a doozie. If y'all can remember here, I stated that I was looking forward to my kids being home for the summer. While I don't recant my previous statement, I will share with y'all the highlights of the last month of my life so that you can form your own opinion about the state of my sanity right now.

~The Girl has been playing pranks. If you are new here, you can see the pictures here. They are funny, yes. They are amazingly intelligent and take planning and forethought, yes. But do we live in a state of "Crap, is there really going to be ice cream when we open up this container?" (Sigh) Yes.

Yes, that's a Kermit tattoo... and a very long story...
~First trip to the pool, I got burned. We're not talking sunburned, like, put-some-aloe-on-it sunburned. We're talking, in-the-doctor's-office-5-days-later-with-possible-skin-infection sunburned. Thank goodness there was no infection, but I did have some hella sun poisoning, may have a scar forever, and my doc has now put me under skin cancer watch. All from a freaking sunburn. Only my pale ass, right? On the bright side, he gave me some amazing pain relievers for my discomfort... like, narcotic strength pain relievers. They make me not give a rat's ass about my sunburn. And for those worriers out there, yes, I used sunscreen, yes, I reapplied sunscreen half way through our outing, and yes, it's still red, 2 weeks later. And itches. Like a mofo.

~After a "Scream" movie marathon, whenever we tell The Ginger to call The Girl on her phone to tell her to come home for dinner, he always starts out with, "What's your favorite scary movie?" in a raspy voice, as soon as she says, "Hello?"

~The Ginger once played video games for 8 hours straight. I'm not proud of this, as a mother, believe me. It

Monday, July 1, 2013

When Your Perfect Birth Plan Doesn't Go as Expected

When I've been asked by moms-to-be for a great book to read to help get them prepared for motherhood, the first book that has always come to mind is  What to Expect When You're Expecting. It covers pretty much everything you could possibly encounter during pregnancy, and is probably the best guide on pregnancy out there.

The movie was pretty amazing, too. My pregnancy was like Elizabeth Banks' character, and I laughed and cried through that entire thing.

So, when the people at asked me to write an article for their blog, I didn't hesitate. I chose to tell the story of the perfect birth plan I researched and wrote when I was pregnant with The Girl, and how that birth plan was in pieces by the time my daughter was born.

Being asked to write for's Word of Mom blog was a true honor, as a writer, and as a mom, so a huge thanks goes out to them for asking me. After you are done reading my article, take a look around it's an amazing site, even if you aren't pregnant.

Without further ado, click the title to head there...

When Your Perfect Birth Plan Doesn't Go as Expected

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