Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I'm Such a Tease, aka Upcoming Book Excerpt #1

I'm getting pretty excited. The end is in sight, so close I can almost feel it.

What on Earth am I talking about?

My book. Yep, a real book, written by me, soon-to-be available to the masses for their reading pleasure. I've mentioned it here and there on the blog and Inklings' facebook page, but to be honest, I didn't want to jinx it by saying more. I'm not even releasing the title to the masses until it's in the printing process. I will say now that it's a nonfiction book with parenting advice mixed with humorous anecdotes and stories of how I learned to parent the way I do... pretty much, Inklings on steroids, complete with random tips, cute little drawings (done by me) and stories from my readers (I'm still accepting submissions to possibly be included in the book, so if you are interested, head to this post for details).

But now... now, I tease. I couldn't figure out which teaser to start with, so y'all get 2 teasers this first time around. Oh, I will tease you more in the future, I promise.

The first teaser is from the introduction to the book, and the second teaser is from the chapter entitled "Unplugged and Ready to Rock!"


I’m very honest, very open about motherhood and its ups and downs. When you are forced to strip
down everything that you are and admit that you were a bad mother, as I was for 3 years, it pretty much paves the way for crap to never build up again, and you truly understand the value of honesty. I’ve figured out how to tackle the parenting problems that most books and websites don’t even tell you about (like how to catch a child in a lie and what to do when your child shouts out the ‘s’ word in a room full of strangers), and pass on this advice in a way that will have you shaking your head, laughing your ass off, and trying the techniques for yourself.
Are my methods the ‘end all, be all’ in the field of parenting? Not even close. These techniques are ones that have worked for my family, and for friends and family with whom I have shared these tips. I don’t claim to be ‘The Tween Whisperer’ or have every answer to every parenting question out there. What I do have is advice and helpful things to keep in mind when parenthood throws the curve balls at you. Life is an experiment, and parenting is definitely a mix-baking-soda-and-vinegar-in-the-bottom-of-a-paper-mache-volcano-and-see-what-happens type of thing. You may get a controlled, steady ooze of lava from the top that delicately covers the miniature town below while allowing its inhabitants to evacuate slowly. Or, you could get a massive explosion that takes out the town below, stains your shirt and covers the cat that was staring curiously at what you were doing. I’ve had both. The key is to perfect the techniques that do work, and fix the ones that don’t work. That’s what being a mom is all about.

* * * * * * *

Plugged-In Cop Out #5: With the technology of today, my kids have many more opportunities than I did as a child, so why not let them take advantage of it?

Tatted Mom Truth #5: This excuse, when you first hear it, makes so much sense. Then, as it seeps into your brain, it starts to nag at you, and when you sit back and really think about it, you realize it’s hogwash. Yes, there is so much more technology than there was when I was a child, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. Crystal meth wasn’t around when I was a kid, but does that mean I want my kids going out and experimenting with it because I didn’t have that “opportunity” as a child? Heck no! The internet makes it possible for children to make friends with kids on the other side of the world... or pedophiles pretending to be children on the other side of the world. At the snap of a finger, a kid can download their latest favorite song... or porn to watch. The realism of video game graphics allows a child to immerse themselves in a world they’ve never seen before... or teach them that killing cops, stealing cars and having sex with hookers in stolen cars is perfectly acceptable (yes, there is an actual series of video games that makes all of that possible). For every positive thing technology has given us, there’s a negative aspect lurking right behind it that the exact same technology has made possible. Monitoring your child’s plugged-in time is the only way to help regulate what they are exposed to.

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