Monday, May 13, 2013

10 Things that 12 Years of Motherhood Has Taught Me

With another Mother's Day under our belts, I want to share with you all some of the wisdom I've acquired over the last 12 years of being a mom.

1. Girls are awesome when they are younger. Then they turn into hormonal pubescent witches on brooms as they age. On the flip side, boys are nothing but mud pies, smelly underwear and fits of outrage when a lego building collapses when they are younger, and as they get older, they become less of a chaotic migraine.

2. Ramen is an acceptable meal at any time of day.

3. Laundry is always handed to you at 10pm on Sunday night with pleas of "But I have NOTHING to wear to school tomorrow."

4. It is our job, as parents, to teach our kids "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin layed an egg, The Bat Mobile lost a wheel and Joker got away, " as kids nowadays are not taught that in schools by their peers during the holiday season.

5. Rock still beats scissors, Scissors still beats paper, Paper still beats rock, but now there's a bomb that blows up everything... or my kids cheat at rock, paper, scissors. That could be it...

Courtesy of Neato Shop
6. If your child begs and begs for a pet with pleas of, "I promise I'll take care of it. You'll never have to lift a finger," don't believe them. They are bold-faced lying to you. They will take care of the dog/cat/hamster/fish/pet rock for 1.47 hours- that's it. Then it becomes "too hard" or they "can't do it".

7. Telling your kid to save their allowance for something big that they really want is like asking them to write an essay on how the idea of a Utopian society is, by today's standards, an impossibility. They'll stare at you blankly and brush off whatever you just said anyway.

8. Your life as a mother will be inundated with crap- crappy diapers, crappy potties during potty training, crappy temper tantrums, crappy tween music, crappy fashion trends and crap constantly coming out of kid's mouths as they get older.

9. If you are remotely the same size as your tween daughter, she will steal clothing and/or shoes from your closet.

10. Every up, every down, every sideways curve ball that motherhood throws at you is all completely worth it when you hear your kids laugh, or see them play, or have them actually agree with something you said.

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  1. Ramen is also acceptable as all 3 meals in one day. There are some days and some things not worth fighting.

  2. Im slowly coming to the realization that my daughter is going to be the reason I'm forty years old but look seventy and have a drinking problem like David Hasselhoff. And she's only six now. .. .

  3. I just stumbled upon this wonderful blog and I love this post!!! Number 8 especially, I can relate to!

  4. I just gave my daughter eggs for dinner...two days in a row. You're preaching to the choir.