Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Helpful Rag Mags and Full Circles

Everything ends up coming full circle in my house one way or another. That's about the only intro there could possibly be for this post; it's one that just needs jumping into. I will set the stage, however.
Not us; Stock photo from NIAAA Publications

Hubby and I are in the kitchen making dinner, The Girl is on the sofa flipping through the latest US Weekly magazine, The Ginger is floating in and out of the room acting as Link from Legend of Zelda, fighting off bad guys with an imaginary sword. We have an open floor plan so the kitchen, living room and dining room are all one big room.

And yes, this all really went down a few days ago. I couldn't make this s*it up if I tried.

The Girl: Hey Mom, did you know that they are saying Justin Bieber is about to have a breakdown?
Me: Whatever. Justin Bieber couldn't have a breakdown if someone choreographed it for him.
The Girl: That's what this article says (holding up the US Weekly magazine).
Hubby: Seriously, nothing good comes from reading those magazines.
Me and The Girl (at the same time): Whatever.
Hubby: I'm serious. Can either one of you tell me the name of the Vice President?
The Girl: Some old white guy...
Me (scrunching up my nose): Umm.... Biden???
Hubby: Did you just ask me or are you telling me?

Me: Umm.... telling you. Definitely telling you.
Hubby: You are unbelievable.
Me: Thank you.
Hubby: I didn't mean that as a compliment.
The Girl (scrolling on her phone): JOE BIDEN!!! That's our Vice President.
Hubby: Very good.
The Girl: I Wikipedia'd it. (huge smile on her face)
Hubby: You have GOT to be kidding me. Okay, who are we on the brink of war with?
Me: Afghanistan???? Crap. NO, WAIT!!! Korea!!!!
The Girl: WE'RE AT WAR???????
The Ginger: Who are we fighting? I can use my sword.
Hubby (looking at The Girl): No, we aren't at war yet but it looks like we might be here in the future. (Turns to me) And I can't believe you just said effing Afghanistan. Do you even venture to a news website during all of your blogging and facebooking each day?
Me: Blogging, facebooking and now etsying, thank you. And no. The news freaks me out, just like it just did to The Girl. Don't tell her we're at war until it happens.
Hubby: So you wouldn't know if the zombie apocalypse started unless someone on facebook told you?
Me: Yep. Or if a zombie burst into the house.
The Ginger: The zombie apocalypse has started? Where?
Hubby: Jeez.
Me: Fine, I'll download a news app to my phone. Happy?
The Girl (scrolling on her phone): NORTH KOREA HAS NUCLEAR WEAPONS??? MOOOOMMMMMMM...
Me (looking at Hubby): See, I told you she'd get freaked out by the news.
Hubby: Holy crap. Seriously, y'all both need to quit reading those rag mags and read the news every once in a while. Nothing good comes from those magazines.
Me: Just you wait. My rag mag reading will pay off one day.
Hubby: Whatever.

Fast forward a few days. Hubby has just gotten home from work and is in the shower before getting into bed.

Me: Hey, you know how you have your PT test coming up in a few days (physical fitness test for the military)?
Hubby: Yeah.
Me: Well, I read that you shouldn't eat broccoli or beans 2 days prior to your PT test because they cause
Courtesy of Wheat Free, Meat Free
bloating and you need to make sure your waist measurement is as low as possible.

Hubby: Cool. That makes a lot of sense.
Me: (Snickering)
Hubby: What's so funny?
Me: Nothing (snickering more)
Hubby: What?
Me: Well, the article I read was in US Weekly and it was an article about how you shouldn't eat broccoli or beans 2 days before a red carpet event if you don't want to look bloated in your dress, but I applied the information to your upcoming PT test and your waist measurement.
Hubby: Oh, okay. Why are you laughing about that? That's pretty smart for you to have made that association.
Me: I know, but just the other day you told me that nothing good ever came out of my magazines. So suck on that!! Hahahaha...
Hubby: Son of a...

Like I said: Full circle.

Before I get blasted for not knowing current events, understand that we don't have cable and no, I don't venture to news websites. I don't listen to the radio, either. I know I should, and yes, have downloaded a news app and check it everyday since this conversation went down at my house.

And The Girl now checks the news everyday, too, which isn't the best thing. She freaks out over things like natural disasters, wars and the weather, so now she's always asking if North Korea has bombed us yet. Thanks, Hubby.

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  1. I think if the zombie apocalypse happens it's going to break on facebook and twitter before the news!

    1. I agree, lol. And I have text notifications set up for twitter, so if anyone would be gracious enough to tag me in a zombie apocalypse tweet when it begins so it notifies my phone, I'd greatly appreciate it!