Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Guaranteed Friendship Deal Breakers

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I don't have the best track record when it comes to friendships. While I understand there is a common denominator in my past failed friendships (me), there is also a common theme- I seem to pick the crazies to be in my life. You can argue if you'd like, but read through the post first and then see if you still want to argue.

This topic will be divided into 2 sections: Guaranteed Friendship Deal Breakers and Tips for Finding (Lasting) Mom Friendships, each with its own post. When it comes to the Guaranteed Friendship Deal Breakers, I am pulling these directly from my past... Couldn't make this s*it up if I tried. If you ever happen to come into contact with any of these types of people or scenarios, run in the opposite direction- and quickly.
5 Guaranteed Friendship Deal Breakers

1. The VooDoo Queen. Years ago, I owned a new age store. Think fairies, crystals, herbs, tree hugging, incense and candles, and that was my store. I met this woman through the store that was a bit of a loner. We quickly became friends (seeing as I was a loner, too), and hung out every weekend. When I started
The Voodoo Queen
apprenticing as a tattoo artist, my schedule became crazy, and she offered to stay with the kids at night until I got off work. Things were great... until I came home and found her asleep on my couch, kids upstairs asleep, and a table covered in condom wrappers, a picture of a guy she used to date (that my kids would have recognized if they would have ventured downstairs), candles, incense, and personal effects of his, along with some of my reference books from the shop opened to love-drawing spells. Yep. I immediately hit the roof about how she just left this crap out and fell asleep, and what would she have done if my kids had come downstairs? I distanced myself from her immediately, with no reason why. Yes, bitch move, but play that scenario out in your head... would you have given this woman a reason to not like you? I think not.

2. The Gay Wizard. I love gays. Absolutely adore them. So, when one ventured into my shop one day (yes, again with the shop- you meet crazies at a new age store, let me tell you) and we ended up talking for
hours, I was hooked. Hubby was slightly uneasy about all of the time I spent with this guy, but he was gay, and a flamboyant one, so I just dismissed Hubby's worries. Things at home because tense because of the
amount of time I spent at the shop (trying to get it running successfully), and all the while, Hubby kept telling me that my new friend was crazy, which I didn't see at the time. As the tension grew in my house and my stress level rose, my gay friend had a spat with another friend- a minor one, and he was always fighting with this guy, anyway. He called me one night, going off about this guy, and I told him that I was sorry he had a fight  but that I had bigger things going on in my life at the moment, so I would talk to him about it the next day. Yes, bitch move, I understand, but Hubby and I were in the middle of a huge fight and I snapped because my marriage was on the brink of ending. Shortly after getting off the phone with him, my email blew up- he told me I was the worst friend ever, that he was sick and tired of walking on egg shells around me, and that he would curse me and my family for all eternity. Yes, curse. Like we were in the medieval ages. He then told me that he was the most powerful person I had ever come across and he would ruin me with spells and magic... all because I told him I'd talk to him the next day because my husband and I were fighting. To this day, whenever something bad happens to me, I think of this guy and laugh. Kinda funny now.

3. The Disappearing Addict. Bored one day at the shop (yes, again with the new age store- I should write a book about the stories I have from owning that place), this girl flew in, yelled out, "Thank GOD" and began buzzing around the store, throwing items up on the counter to purchase. Now, I was a $500 a week store, maybe $800 if I got new inventory in or ran a hell of a sale. Her total merchandise for that day came to
$535, to which she pulled out a credit card and all was good. She told me she found the shop online and was thrilled to not have to drive an hour to where she had been shopping. She kept coming around, so we became friends, and that's when I found out that she buzzed around the shop that day because she was hyped up on cocaine. I don't hold people's pasts against them, and when she told me she wanted to go to rehab, I encouraged her. Clean and sober about a month later, she and I picked up where we left off as friends. Things were great for a while... until she fell off the wagon on a weekend I was out of town and she was supposed to be running my shop. Come to find out, I was her crutch, and as long as she was with me, she didn't use. My first weekend away from her, and she downward spiraled quickly. Considering that my kids, young at the time, loved and adored her, and she bailed on plans with us a few weekends in a row because she was on bender after bender, I had no choice but to distance myself from her. I couldn't let her hurt me or my kids anymore. I'm not even going to lie- that one stung. Voodoo priestess and spellcasting gay- not so much. Their craziness helped with my closure when it came to them. But this breakup hurt for a while, probably because I felt I turned my back on her when she needed me most. I tried to help, but nothing I did worked. After I walked away, I heard she spiraled so badly she was selling her belongings and blackmailing people to get money for her next hit. I think she ended up going to rehab, again, and last I heard (which was a few years ago), she had completed massage therapy school and was still sober. I've always wished her well in this world.

4. The Drama Queen. Contrary to the stories above, I did not meet this one in my store. I met her when she became roommates with the guy I was seeing while Hubby and I were separated. You know that whole 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer' thing? Yeah, chalk this friendship up to that. The guy and I were keeping things on the down-low for a few reasons, but she quickly put the pieces together and had a heart-to-heart with me about how I didn't need to worry about anything between them. We became friends, and when things started to go sour between the guy and I, she was there to lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on, and volunteer information about his latest shenanigans. Keep in mind I said volunteer- she said she wanted to help me out, and as I knew she'd be thrown out of his apartment if he found out she was feeding me information, I couldn't ask her to spy. They were friends just like she and I were friends, and I respected that. She continued to give me information, saying she was trying to help us out, and I thought she was doing me a solid as my best friend. Come to find out, behind my back she was lying and manipulating both of us (the guy and I), and when we'd go at each other's throats over stuff she told each of us, she'd sit back and laugh about it. We had no idea what was the truth and what were lies, and she relished every minute of it. In the end she found herself pretty alone and reached out to me in an attempt to mend the friendship. I told her it was in the past and we'd do lunch sometime, then I ignored her texts and emails. Yes, false hope was a bitch move, but it's what she did to me for months, so I'd say we're even now.

5. The Jackass Boyfriends. If you've been a reader of Inklings from the beginning, you'll remember Z. She
moved to Arizona with me back in 2010, made the move back to SC with me in 2011, and then disappeared. That's because she and I had a huge falling out because of our jackass boyfriends. I miss the hell out of her, I do. She was dating a dick, I was dating a dick, and when our dicks thought it would be a good idea to try and swing their dicks around, it tore us apart. That was back in 2011, and since then, she realized her boyfriend was an a-hole, I realized my boyfriend was an a-hole, and we both moved on to better, happier things. We still post throwback pictures to each other on Instagram, and if I ever come across a someecard about boobs (she had amazing boobs), I post them to her facebook wall. We just had different paths we needed to play out with our a-hole boyfriends. Bastards.

In writing all of this out, I'll admit now that I pulled some pretty big bitchiness out of my ass when it came to these people. Call it hurt, call it anger, or call it simply that I'm a bitch. However you want to look at it is fine with me, honestly. I wouldn't wish these types of friends on anyone, not even my worst enemy (okay, maybe my worst enemy, but she's freaking crazy), but I guess if you look on the bright side of things, the chances of any of you having this horrible of a track record with adult friends is pretty slim to none. I'm lucky I even trust another human being enough to attempt the friendship thing again. I did learn some very valuable lessons that I've carried with me through the years though, that's for sure.

Like I said in the beginning, this topic will be separated into 2 sections, so for the advice I've learned over the years, head to Part 2 of this segment: Tips for Finding (Lasting) Mom Friendships.

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  1. I have met (and ditched) most of those people, but I also have encountered a perpetual 'family' of WHINERS!

    1. Whiners are the worst. Thank goodness I'm clear of that type, so far, lol.

  2. The biggest friendship deal breakers I have are bragging and snobbery. I have had to amputate really compatible people from my life because they frankly are financially better off than my family and insist on making me feel like I'm not good enough. I would love to buy a car off a dealership lot and Etsy my little heart out but its not feasible for me at this point in my life.