This past weekend The Girl had her birthday party (boy/girl party, mind you) which was immediately followed by a birthday sleepover (for the girls only). As a refresher, she turned 11 last week. The party was fine, everyone enjoyed themselves, and then it was time for the sleepover...
...which is when I found myself wanting to tell everyone to call their mothers to come pick them up. We had 4 girls here and The Girl, for a total of 5 girls between the ages of 10 and 12. One of them went home around 11pm, saying she didn't feel well, leaving us with 4 girls total.
We put down sleeping bags and comforters in the living room floor, gave the girls the entire downstairs, and Hubby and I retreated upstairs for the night. We heard them raiding the fridge for ice cream and the pantry for chips as we headed upstairs. At some point during the evening, the girls left had made this deal that the first person to fall asleep would get drawn on by the remaining girls; typical sleepover agenda. A little over an hour after we gave the girls their space, we hear the bathroom door upstairs shut. A little time went by, and a sniffling The Girl made a dash from the bathroom to her bedroom. Immediately I knew something was wrong, so I asked her to come talk to her dad and I.
She started talking 90mph about how she was the first one to fall asleep and they drew on her (to which I replied that she knew that was a possibility and it's typical sleepover behavior), then how after she fell asleep, someone went through her phone and changed all of the settings and backgrounds (yes, she has a phone now- that post will come later this week), how someone else went through her dirty clothes pile and thought it would be funny to put underwear on her bed, how they all went back and got more food and ended up finishing off the ice cream without even asking, and how her hamster was missing from her room, and they had it out running around, without its ball (in a house with 3 cats).
I think, at that precise moment, my head exploded. I didn't even know where to start. My mind started going through the files of my childhood, and all I could recall is that I never, never behaved like that at someone's
house during a sleepover, nor did I ever have problems with my friends at my house for a sleepover. There was playful sleepover behavior like the drawing on whoever fell asleep first (or makeup, or painting their toenails), or burping contests, or raiding the fridge as a group, or prank phone calling other friends, but never disrespectful behavior like going through someone's phone and changing the settings or emptying the contents of the kitchen without the host involved.
My blood boiling, I headed downstairs and told the girls that they were in our house and needed to have respect for our house and for my daughter. I told them what she told me, and the only thing anyone fessed up to was listening to music on The Girl's phone after she went to sleep, but not changing any settings, and of course everything else I was saying made no sense to them. I told them that they were not to touch things that weren't theirs and that if the disrespect continued in our house then they wouldn't be asked to come back in the future. They all said, 'Okay' and I returned back upstairs.
The Girl, tears in her eyes, told me she didn't trust them at all and would not be returning downstairs to sleep. She went into her room where she climbed into bed. A little while later, the 3 girls came upstairs to see what was going on with her, but only one girl apologized about everything that happened, adding to it that it wasn't her that had done everything, it was another girl. 2 girls went downstairs to sleep and the one who apologized (who, honestly, we thought was the disrespectful culprit anyway) slept at the foot of The Girl's bed.
This behavior at the sleepover was just the cherry on top of the sundae for me when it came to these kids' behaviors overall that day. I observed them during the party, and they were disrespectful to one another, saying whatever they wanted and then adding, 'Oh, I'm just kidding' to the end of it to make it all fine. One child at one point yelled out (in front of all of the adults), 'Yeah, they all suck balls'. When we dished out cake and ice cream, several kids came back for more... something I never did as a child. Maybe I was sheltered, or shy, but when I was their age and was at a friend's house, I was on my best behavior around the parents, saying yes ma'am and no sir, didn't ask for seconds on food, didn't stick my nose up at food, and took what I was given. We sneaked around the house in the dark with flashlights after everyone had gone to sleep at night if we wanted food or to play a game so we wouldn't wake anyone up. And my friends and I didn't do anything that would have caused us to not be able to have a sleepover again in the future.
Basically, my friends and I growing up had manners. And kids nowadays... I don't know what in the hell happened, but they sure as hell don't have manners... or an upbringing... or respect... or common courtesy.
No wonder when I do talk to some of The Girl's friend's parents, they tell me they adore my child and she's so well behaved. Because they are raising little heathens who I'm surprised don't shit in the floor and chew on the damn furniture.
|Holy crap! Why you should meet parents before your|
child has a sleepover at their house...
Pic courtesy of TVScoop.tv
So, needless to say, I understand why little miss cancer walk junior had problems with disrespect... she wasn't having the best examples set at home. Got it.
The other two? No idea. I could make excuses that one of the girls hates her stepdad and her mom and him fight all of the time, so her home life isn't great, and the other child is quite sheltered at her house, so when she gets out of it she goes buck wild. But they are excuses... things that somewhat justify or try to condone why these little girls are such bitches, when no matter what, it boils down to one thing...
Shitty parenting. These kids are not being taught manners, respect for other people or their belongings, or even how to act in public. Bad home lives or being sheltered or when they were 4 they were told not to do something and they did it anyway, creating this monster that lived inside of them that eats away at their core values when they get into public to where eventually they give in and let the monster destroy anything in its path... whatever the excuse is, it's just that... an excuse. And excuses don't replace the fact that the parents aren't doing their damn jobs.
I learned this weekend that my kids are awesome. If I'm being told by other parents that my kids are amazing, then they truly are, because you know what? I wouldn't have lied to these parents and told them their girls were angels when the truth is they are little shits. Maybe as individuals these girls are fine, and they all fed off of one another in a negative manner at this sleepover, but they will not be welcome here again. No one makes my daughter cry at her own birthday sleepover and is asked to return for round #2. Screw that.
And if you are wondering, no, I will not be saying anything to these parents about their children. For one, while we had our suspicions as to who the ringleader was, we can't confirm it. For two, it's apparent that these kids haven't been taught the basics on how to be a respectful person, so I doubt their parents would even listen when someone was trying to have an adult conversation with them. For three, it's not worth my time and energy. I know when to pick my battles, and for my family, we made the decision that these girls would not be welcomed into our home again- problem solved for us.
Parents out there reading this post- I beg you, please raise your kids with respect, teach them manners in the home and away from the home, teach them boundaries and how to have common courtesy for people and their things. Otherwise, they could end up the subject matter of some mom blog somewhere after they spend the night at a friends house...
For The Girl, she patched everything up with the hooligans the next morning, but still told me later that day that she doesn't trust those girls at all and didn't want them coming back. As bad as it sounds, that made me the happiest mom out there. My little girl was maturing, getting her priorities straight, and going against the crowd for the first time in her life. That's what parenting is all about; making sure your child is a respectful, thoughtful, well adjusted person who can think for themselves.
So, just in case you were keeping score...
Tatted Mom- 1, Little Bitches Trying to Bring My Baby Girl Down- 0