Tuesday, March 5, 2013

If a Woman's Place is in the Kitchen, a Man's Place is at Work

I have a gazillion things to do right now. This site needs an article, I promised a guest post over here, yes I'm reading the book I was sent to review...

And I'm cleaning out my email. Over 1000 emails in my inbox, all because I haven't checked it in 3 days. 3 effing days.

No, I'm not interested in enlarging my penis for just $49.95, but thanks for the email. Sweet, a new coupon to print out that saves me $2.00 on my favorite candles instead of $1.00 like the one you can print off of the coupon site. Wow, that blog hasn't posted good shit in weeks- unsubscribe time. I didn't even sign up to receive this newsletter, WTF? Crap, my library books are due this week. Dammit, I missed a great sale at that website because I didn't check my email yesterday. Lose 10 pounds by this weekend? Yes, please! Well shit, I'm not buying that weight loss book for $40, you can kiss my ass on that one. 'Free chocolate' and 'Free chocolate with a $75 order' are NOT the same thing, fucker. Thanks for getting my hopes up with that misleading title of your email.

This is my Tuesday... playing catch up.

Hubby was off for 3 weeks... 3 weeks that I enjoyed, yet tested my patience as well. I love my husband, I do- you don't repair a damaged marriage after 3 years of separation if you don't love someone. Having him home for 3 weeks... straight... seeing him 24/7... can be a bit... psychotic exhausting homicidal overwhelming.

Several statuses from Inklings' facebook page say it all....

"Playing catch up this morning. I swear, when husbands are on leave from work, entire household empires fall to the ground..."

"Men wonder why we women are so crazy, yet the first time we ask them something they don't hear us, the second time they don't listen, the third time pisses them off and the fourth time we are nagging, all the while an hour has passed since the first time asking and the shit still isn't done. Women are crazy because we deal with men."

"Had coffee with a friend and came home with plans to clean... Those plans quickly turned into
playing old school Roller Coaster Tycoon with Hubby... My priorities are awesome!"

"I am downstairs on the couch reading right now because Hubby is upstairs studying... And he has gas... Horrible... I refuse to pollute my lungs with it..."

"Hubby is upset with me because I made him wear a long sleeved shirt to bed so he didn't get ink on my brand new sheets. I love body art, but I love my new sateen sheets, too."

"I'm working out alone this morning because Hubby decided to stay up until 2am playing Assassin's Creed. I'm considering taking the PS3 cord with me shopping today so he actually gets some studying done..."

That was my life for 3 weeks. Now he's back at work, and things can get back to normal. Like writing the posts I'm backed up on, finish reading more than 1 book every 2 weeks, and writing my own book for crying out loud.

I know I unsubscribed from that newsletter a month ago, dammit. Oops, email reminder about leaving feedback for that ebay purchase- I'm doing that right now. Runner's World? They definitely have the wrong email address, as I only see running as necessary if zombies are behind you. Lindsay Lohan has sent me a special message? Really? Do I have 'idiot' stamped on my forehead? Spam... Nope, sorry, I don't want to take your survey and get paid $.13 for it. Wooo hooo! That pin of mine on pinterest just got passed around like a dirty hooker!!

Theoretically things go back to normal. I'm back to multi-tasking, back to sitting at the computer with my cup of coffee and my quiet house. But in my 3 weeks of Hubby being home, I became lazy... and creative.

I whipped up this triptych for our bedroom one day...

Pretty proud of that one. Each canvas is 12x12, and I painted the back with acrylic paints first, and cut each leaf, branch and the tree out of some kick ass scrapbook paper with works all on it (hard to see in the picture, I know). Took me about 4-5 hours, and now we have custom artwork in my bedroom!!

I also started making the little clay figurines to (finally) sell in my Etsy store. I'd post pictures here, but I'm too paranoid. In this day and age of pinterest, instagram and everything else, I'm scared someone will steal my idea and produce it before I have a finished product. They are adorable, though, and should be ready by next week, so I'll launch the store then!!

So my life for the past 3 weeks has been one chaotic, random, nerve-racking yet relaxing mess (which exactly explains my creativeness- artists feed off of chaos- it inspires us), which makes it really hard to get back to a structured routine of answering emails, writing, researching and networking.

See? I told you husbands mess everything up by taking leave. Hubby's always (jokingly) telling me that a woman's place is in the kitchen. If that's true, then a man's place is at work. They need to stay at work... with other men... doing men work things. That way, we women can do what we need to do... like clean the house blog, and bake cookies read books, and do laundry make clay figurines. 

And catch up on effing email...

Why am I getting the GameStop newsletter again? Pretty sure that should be sent to Hubby's inbox. Crap, my car is due for an oil change. Good thing I set up to have those automated reminder emails sent to me. $1 off K-Cups- Hell yeah!! Dirty housewives want to talk to me online? Sweet!! I can make $10,432 in just 10 minutes of work? Somehow, I'm pretty sure that's not only going to leave my ass hurting, but it's not legit...

Do me a favor and hit that banner right down there, please. We're #8 in the humor category, so if today's post made you giggle, let other people know that I am funny... on Tuesdays, at least. 

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  1. I got married today and honestly I'd rather check your emails for you. I'm going to have a fit if I hear the words "tulle" or "blushing bride" again. This is why it took 6 years to drag me down that f-ing aisle.

    1. Congrats to the blus.... Ummmm... Woooooo Hoooooo! So happy for you. Lol. ;)

  2. I dig that picture you did so much. You should make another one and put it on etsy or somethin. I'd buy it!