Sunday, February 24, 2013

20 Easy Steps to Having a Low Grade, Level 1, Near-Midlife Crisis

1. Go into hair salon wanting just a trim and some light layers put in.
2. Start flipping through the books and have your daughter say, "Hey, Mom, you should cut all of your hair off like that lady" (pointing at a hair model in the 'short' section of the hair book).
3. Lose your mind and actually consider having all of your hair cut off.
4. Decide to do it.
5. Have your daughter take a 'before' picture of you. Make sure she truly captures the 'Holy shit, what am I about to do?' look on your face, as you see here. You won't need to actually try and make this face, as it will come naturally to you.
6. Let the hair dresser cut off all of your hair. Realize after about 10 minutes of her cutting that she must not have been looking at the same picture you were, because she seems to be cutting off way more than the chin-length layered bob you showed her.
7. Repeat over and over in your head, "If Anne Hathaway can pull this short hair thing off, then I can, too, dammit." 
8. Choke back tears.
9. Have the hairdresser spin you around in the chair only to find that she took off about 2-3 inches too much.

10. Pay and leave quickly, as there is nothing you can do to get the hair on the floor back onto your head at this point.
11. Buy tons of hair products to try.
12. Come home and cry your eyes out.
13. Realize that the haircut itself is awesome... it's just not what you wanted. Decide to make the most of it.
14. Kill an innocent person in your bathtub. Dye your hair bright red (or what I like to call My Natural Color).
15. Allow your hair to air dry so you know what it will be like to have short hair on a regular basis (which is a nice way of saying that you know you are a lazy ass and won't blow dry and product-up your hair every single day, so you need to see exactly how crappy it's going to look when you just wash it and walk out of the door to do your grocery shopping).
16. Spend 30 minutes playing the new hair products in your hair.
17. Decide on this as your default daily hair setting: 

18. Realize you can also go for the 'Mysterious' or 'Artsy' look with your newly shortened hair, as well:

19. Scream out, "Hell Yeah!"
20. Realize you are going to rock the hell out of this new short hair and your MILF status is still intact. 

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  1. I love it! And I love the color!

    I miss my short hair! Although mine wasn't the result of a premature mid-life crisis... Mine was the result of homemade moonshine out of a mason jar.

  2. I think you were beautiful before but you really have the chin for short hair. You look very put together! I am never brave enough to do anything that drastic but maybe after some moonshine and that pretty tint job, I could pull it off as nicely as you!!

  3. It looks gorgeous! You're totally rocking that look!

    But I still would have torn strips off that hairdresser.

  4. Looks good pretty lady! All hail the magnificent MILF who still looks amazing as ever with short hair! :)

    (and your face is looking quite skinny too!)

    Fabulousness. to the tenth degree!

  5. I have been the past...
    To fuck a hairdresser up for that shit

  6. I really really like that look on you!! I have done the ling to very short (maybe shorter than yours) several times. I have a long history of impulsive decisions. The hardest thing for me has always been not being able to put it in that addictive pony tail!

  7. I'm not usually a fan of shirt hair... but YOU are rocken it!

  8. Y'all rock! Thank you so much!!! ;)