Friday, January 18, 2013

Some Days are Meant for Sleeping

Have you ever had one of those days that you know you should have just stayed in bed? Sure, everyone has.

Have you ever had one of those days and you've only been awake for 21 minutes of it? That's my day today.

Hubby is always home to get the kids up in the morning and make their lunches. So when my alarm clock went off at 6:30 this morning, as usual, and I was quickly reminded how I had insomnia last night and stayed up until goodness knows when watching Grey's Anatomy, I turned the alarm off, thought "Hubby will handle everything" and went right back to sleep.

The Girl, panicking, woke me up at 7 with "Dad's still not home. Can you get up, please?" Good grief, of course his work would pick the day that I'm working on about 4 hours of sleep to hold him over. I laid in bed for a minute, like I do every morning, and thought about the day ahead of me.

Y'all have to understand that generally speaking, I'm an optimist. When I lay and think about my day in the morning, I'm sorting out what I need to do, what I want to do, and getting everything straight in my head so I can make the most of the day. This morning, however, I remembered something...

I have a tattoo to finish this afternoon. Woo hoo, right? WRONG! This tattoo has been a thorn in my side before I ever started it back in September. The guy works with Hubby, and he first wanted a solid black tribal sun with colored Japanese water waves under it, and guess what? He printed a picture off of the internet for me of exactly what he wanted. This guy had 3 strikes against him right then and there.

  1. I don't do tribal. Tribal sucks.
  2. You don't mix tribal with anything, much less traditional Japanese finger waves. That would look stupid.
  3. Something printed off of the internet means 1000 other people have this stupid tattoo. I'm an artist. Let me create art, please.
At the time, we desperately needed the money, so I told Hubby to tell this guy I wasn't doing his idea, but if he wanted to tell me what the tattoo symbolized, I'd draw something custom. Come to find out, this tattoo was to represent how he grew up in California, was a surfer kid and was a lifeguard.

That I can work with. That is a piece of art I can put on this guy's arm. He just didn't think that's how a
tattoo artist worked. He thought he had to find the picture and bring it to me, and the best he could do was finding a tribal black sun with traditional Japanese finger waves under it. 

With this new development, I got excited about the tattoo. It was premature. I was a premature exciteder. This tattoo has been nothing but a headache since the first session.
  1. He failed to tell me he has a 4 inch, solid black, Old English-style letter on the back of his arm. When I went to stencil him and saw it, he said, "Can't you just cover that up with the waves or something?" No. I'm the Queen of cover ups, and a huge ass black letter on your arm can not be covered by blue and green water. So, now there's a huge black letter at the base of the lifeguard stand in his tattoo, fucking everything up.
  2. His wife proceeded to get drunk while I was tattooing him and annoy the shit out of me.
  3. After specifically telling him NOT to use bacitracin to heal his tattoo, he slathered it in bacitracin for a week because his wife told him to. As a result, the red in the lifeguard stand decided not to stick around. So now he has a pink lifeguard stand, and I have about another hour that I have to waste to turn it red again because he listened to his wife about healing a tattoo and not his tattoo artist. 
  4. For session #2, he failed to eat, resulting in almost passing out. We had to pause for over an hour while he ate, and then he was sick during the whole session. When I decided, and hour in, to stop tattooing him because he was whining so much, he was upset with me. Well, I had eaten that day, moron, and considering this isn't your 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th tattoo, you should have known to eat, too.
  5. We went to plan session #3 and he said the beginning of December. It is now the end of January. His calendar sucks, but I understand it because of the holidays. So that point is just a minor annoying detail to add emphasis to how annoying this has turned out to be.
  6. His wife annoys the shit out of me. She wants a solid white magnolia flower to cover up bright purple spider veins on her leg, and she doesn't understand that it won't work. An orchid? Yes. That would work. I could actually use the purple veins in her leg as the purple veining in the flower, but no, she wants a magnolia... a white magnolia... over purple veins. Don't worry if you are scratching your head, thinking, "I'm not a tattoo artist, but I don't think a white flower will cover purple veins." I am a tattoo artist. A white flower won't cover purple spider veins.
  7. He doesn't take yellow. Some people don't. He tans a lot, so yellow just doesn't show up. Guess where there's yellow in this tattoo? Every-effing-where. The surf board, the water, the sunset. I've already done all of the yellow once and it didn't hold. I had to order new yellow. It's not his fault that his skin doesn't hold yellow, but it's another pain in my ass.
So as I laid in bed, these 7 points quickly rushed through my head. I tried to turn it into a positive; that after today, I'd be done with this tattoo and it would be out of my life. That after today I'd be however much money richer, which can be used to have a great birthday this weekend, that I get to use my new armrest, my new needles, my new inks and I'm still creating art, no matter how annoying the customer or how much of a headache the tattoo is. My outlook changed somewhat, and I threw my feet over the side of the bed and got up...

I need a foot massage... immediately.
... to find that I injured the arch of one of my feet doing yoga last night. I didn't even think that was possible. How does a person injure their effing arch? And doing yoga, nonetheless? I didn't think to stretch my feet before my yoga session, because yoga is stretching. Only me. Only me, who has been sick every single month since I moved here in June, who broke my pinky toe in the first few weeks I was here only to break it over and over again as soon as it heals, that would only be me who injures the arch of their foot while doing yoga. Would you like to know what happens when you injure the arch of your foot?

It makes it damn near impossible to walk, that's what. The only way it doesn't hurt to walk is when I roll my foot onto the outside edge to walk. Not fun. 

I limped down stairs, hurried to make the kids' lunches and get them out the door, and sat down to write. 21 minutes into my day, and I was ready to crawl right back into bed and not acknowledge a damn thing until tomorrow. 

Seriously, who injures the arch of their foot doing yoga? And on a day I have an annoying tattoo to finish, and I have to rush out of bed because Hubby gets held at work. Me. Only me. Good grief. Wish me luck that this day gets better- that I can get this tattoo done without killing anyone major stressors and that my birthday this weekend is not spent hobbling around on an injured foot.

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  1. Now I feel better about my day. I actually called in sick twice and my boss wouldn't answer her phone. So I have some random stomach bug that makes sitting on the toilet all day sound like a spiffy idea. And then I threw up so hard I strained my back, shoulder and wrist. I didn't even know that was possible. Oh and I'm sorry that I had the quit the facebook photo contest, my daughters sperm donor just got out of prison. Again. And started stalking us online. If I was a drinking woman... Oh wait. I am.

  2. hey, I am having one of those days today.. i wonder how did you manage to pull this huge post on a day like this.. :)