Saturday, January 12, 2013

Finding Out You are the Coolest Parents Ever

Guess what happens when you let a sleep deprived Hubby make decisions in the house?

We end up with 3 extra kids for the night. And my sanity is just about gone.

We've lived in our new house since Halloween, and The Ginger found out we moved directly next door to a kid in his class... a kid who turned out to be a major assmunch... with assmunch parents. They knocked on our door one night because their son had told them that The Ginger had stolen a Lego minifigure from him, and they wanted it back. After calling The Ginger to the door to tell his story, which didn't match with their son's story at all, they called their assmunch son to debate The Ginger's story, and he couldn't. He admitted right there in front of Hubby, his dad and The Ginger that he had lied. So, the mom came hauling ass over because her husband wasn't handling the situation correctly, and her son admitted to her that he lied. We gave the kid back his Lego anyway, and this bitch bitch (sorry, I edited myself then decided it was the perfect word) said her son couldn't play with The Ginger anymore because The Ginger lies.

Some people live in their own little worlds and don't deserve to be a part of my family's world. In that instance, the neighbors proved unworthy to exist on our planet. Call me stuck up if you'd like, but when your son lies to you, us, and our son, accusing him of stealing, then you say that your kid can't play with my kid because he's a liar, you have proven to me that my family is much better off not dealing with your crazy family.

So, The Ginger had to find another friend to play with, and thankfully one of the less-aggravating kids in his class lived on the other side of the playground. Last night he asked if they could have their first sleepover. Generally speaking, I don't mind sleepovers. The Girl is always having them, and while I didn't really feel like having any kids stay the night, we didn't want to deny The Ginger his first sleepover. I told Hubby, who had only had about 5 hours of sleep, to make the final decision, thinking in his sleep-deprived state he'd say no (then I wouldn't look like the bad guy- I had a well thought out strategy, thank you), and the effer said yes.

Fine, one kid staying the night.

Then The Girl popped up. She asked if 3 of her friends could stay the night. We laughed in her face. Seriously. It's not like we meant to, but when she asked if she could have not 1, not 2 but 3 friends over,
spontaneous laughter just occurs. So, we told her no, and then the child used my own weakness against me. One of her friend's parents are going through a separation, and she's always telling The Girl about how they argue all of the time and she hates being at home. I've been there before, and no kid should have to go through listening to their parents at each other's throats. So, a few days ago I told The Girl that her friend was allowed over here at any time.

"Well, Mom, if I can't have 3 friends over, you did say that X-Girl could come over whenever because of her parents always fighting, so can she stay the night, and only her?"

Damn you, child of mind, damn you. Yes, she can stay.

The Girl broke the news to the other two girls, and told X-Girl that only she was allowed to stay the night. What The Girl failed to tell us was that one of the other girls she had asked about was the sister to the little boy who was staying the night with The Ginger. So, when she heard that her brother was allowed to stay the night, but not her, tears welled up in her eyes and she started walking home. The Girl immediately ran inside and told us what happened, and Hubby, in his sleep deprived state said, "Man, we just made a 10 year old cry. Yes, she can stay the night, too."

WTF? While I agreed, the reality of what we had just actually agreed to hit me. 3 extra kids for the night.

We had friends over for the evening, and my friend just looked at me with disbelief on her face. "You two are definitely the cool parents. When I was her age, I would have never even had the guts to ask if 3 girls could stay the night. And my parents wouldn't have allowed 2 to stay. Y'all are definitely nice parents."

Nice... crazy... I guess that's the same thing, right? I didn't even want 1 kid staying the night, but now we had 3 staying. Two of them staying were the result of a sleep-deprived Hubby calling the shots and one was the result of my daughter understanding loopholes and using them to her advantage... something I'm a pro at. How do I argue with that when I'm famous for pulling the same crap? Damn, I need to stop her ninja training now... she's getting too good too fast.

The night went fine, after we attempted to all play a board game- me, Hubby, our two friends, their 2 1/2 year old daughter, The Girl, The Ginger and their 3 friends. That was chaos. I seriously feel bad for people who have more than 2-3 kids. Why on earth you would have more than that is honestly beyond me, and something I know that I, personally, could not handle. We rushed through the game because the kids had better plans for their evening, and they all went upstairs so we adults could have peace and quiet.

No one left in the middle of the night, no homesickness, no random stomach aches from eating too much junk food; we survived the night, and the kids actually all passed out before Hubby and I, which was a shock.

This morning was chaos revisited all over again. Because this was a spontaneous sleepover night, I had nothing in the house to actually make for breakfast- no eggs, to bacon, no ingredients to make pancakes (grocery shopping is Monday), so we lined up the gazillion boxes of cereal we have (thanks to my couponing skills), and told them to go at it. 5 kids eating breakfast = loud. That's all I can say about that. And they are all at the ages now where they live to simply annoy each other (the younger ones annoying the older ones and vice versa), so in between bites of cereal you could hear, "You have milk on your lizard face," and "I don't have a lizard face, you monkey butt face."

My sanity is still in tact, but I'm not sure for how much longer. I heard The Ginger telling his friend that when he went home, he needed to ask his mom for another sleepover tonight. Not going to happen. I don't even care if The Ginger wants to go over there. That stuff needs to be planned in advance, because if we're going to have an empty house one night, I want to be able to completely enjoy it with Hubby (wink, wink).

It really didn't occur to me, though, until last night, how cool of parents we really must be. The Girl has a sleepover just about every weekend, whether it's her having friends here or she goes to their houses. Because it doesn't bother me, I don't really realize how nice it is for us to allow that so frequently, and I guess I just assumed that all parents of kids this age did the same thing.

We should make our kids write on a piece of paper, I have the coolest parents ever and sign and date it so I can frame it and put it on the wall. That would either stop the sleepovers and save my sanity, or if they actually did it, give me an amazing piece of blackmail for the future. It's a win-win situation, if you ask me.

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  1. Bwaha ha ha ha! Bitch edit for the win!

  2. I'm actually looking forward to the tween-teen years, I'm positive I'm going to be the "cool" mom, right?? Right??

    1. See, that's the thing. Hubby and I know we are the cool parents... it's our kids that need to catch up. That's how it happens. So yes, you'll be the cool mom... whether or not your little ones know it, I have no idea, lol. ;)