Sunday, October 28, 2012

Ways to Avoid Being Talked About By Other Moms

My hair is now back to being bright red, and I couldn't be happier. You can see it over at the Inklings facebook page. In preparation for getting my hair back to its rightful color, Hubby asked me why it was important that I did it this weekend.

Me: Because we move in a few days.
Hubby: Okay, why do you need your hair dyed before we move?
Me: So I make a statement to all the other women in our neighborhood. I have bright red hair, I'm covered in tattoos, this is me.
Hubby: We're moving on to base for crying out loud, not to Wisteria Lane.
Me: Actually, minus the killing people that happens on Wisteria Lane, we are moving to Wisteria Lane. And I need to establish my presence from the first time anyone even looks at me.
Hubby: Whatever, that makes no sense. Just don't start any shit, okay?
Me: I'm not starting shit, thank you. And you aren't a woman, so you don't understand.

I was telling a friend of mine this conversation while she dyed my hair, and she completely got it. She understood what I was saying, and why it was so important for me to dye my hair before we moved.

Women are catty. It's an almost guarantee in life. Women are catty, we're bitchy, we love a good piece of gossip, even if we never share it with another soul. Just knowing that gossip can sometimes be enough for us. We judge books by their covers, even if only for a few seconds before realizing that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and we talk. We talk about our lives, what we witness about other people's lives around us, and what we think is going on in those people's lives just by what we are witnessing. And when you put a large amount of women together in a small space, like base housing (where the houses are duplexes and are 2 feet away from the next duplex), the gossip, talking and judging is ten fold.

So yes, I figure that I'll be talked about because we are the new people on the block, so I'd give these ladies something to talk about with my bright red hair and my tattoos. This is who I am, and if just my look offends you, then don't bother coming over and striking up a conversation with me. If my look intrigues you, then we'll sit down and have a cup of coffee.

All of this got me thinking about how we women, moms especially, talk about other women and moms. It happens, so don't sit back and say, "I never talk about other moms behind their backs." You do, even if it's in the privacy of your own home and you are telling the cat about how the woman across the street has no business wearing those leggings outside the house, or how the woman down the street never seems to put on a bra before heading to the grocery store and considering her boobs touch her knees, she really needs to re-think that decision.

So, how do you avoid being talked about by other moms? I've come up with a few pointers to live by to not have your every move scrutinized by the women around you.

5 Ways to Avoid Being Talked About By Other Moms

  • Mind your business. If you don't judge other moms, then you won't be judged. Wait, that's not right. Even if you never stick your nose into anyone else's business, other moms will wonder why you never speak to anyone. Keeping to yourself means you have secrets to hide, and we'll start trying to figure out what those secrets are instead of just befriending you.
  • Always have a smile on your face. If you have an optimistic outlook on life, then other moms won't

Friday, October 26, 2012

Check Your OCD at the Door and Make Your Kid Do Chores

I woke up this morning to the sound of the dishwasher running. That means the kids loaded the dishes after dinner last night and didn't start it... again. Many mornings Hubby is greeted with a full, yet dirty, dishwasher and has to run it before he leaves for work. It has become a huge pet peeve for us both. But it is to be expected when the 10 year old and almost 8 year old are doing the dishes at night, right?

I laid in bed and listened to the loud ass dishwasher (still in the 900 square foot apartment where the kitchen is almost directly across from the bedroom, and our dishwasher is so high grade that mold grows in it after every wash), wondering how my kids weren't woken up by it, and remembered a conversation I had recently had with another mom about chores.

Courtesy of SuSoutter
I volunteered to run one of the learning stations during The Girl's field trip a few weeks ago. The field trip was at an environmental center (45 minutes from my apartment, but we won't go into that right now) and was focused on getting the kids interacting with their desert surroundings and history of the area. At the end of the day, I was in the kitchen at the campsite talking to another mom about how her day went teaching the kids how to make Indian Corn Pudding. She was telling me various stories from her day, and mentioned that at the end of her session with each group of kids she picked a few kids to help her with dishes. Not once, not twice, not even 3 times, but too many times to even count, she'd pick a child who looked at her and said, "

"I don't know how to wash dishes."

Get the f*ck out of town, these kids are 10 and 11 years old. What do you mean they don't know how to wash a dish? I asked her if she thought the kids were just trying to get out of work, and she said no. She made them help with dishes anyway, and they seriously had no idea how to wash or dry a plate.

I stood there for a second, dumbfounded, and then started laughing. The other mom looked at me a little strange, but in my laughter I managed to get out, "Kids nowadays are so spoiled. I can't believe there are parents out there who don't make their kids do chores. My kids would love to have parents like that."

That was my first assumption, yes, that many of today's parents just don't think to teach their kids the basics. With dishwashers, washing machines, microwaves and all of the other high-tech stuff out there, what's the purpose in teaching a kid how to wash a dish, right?

My second thought was that many of today's parents just don't make their kids do a damn thing around the house. A kid is told to do the dishes, they start to throw a temper tantrum, the parents back off because they don't want to upset little Jimmy.

I honestly never even thought about a third possibility, which this mom brought to my attention.

"It may not be that at all. I knew this woman one time who gave her kids chores to do, and when she went behind them to check and see if they were done correctly, her OCD kicked in, and she decided she would just do them herself so they were always done right."

Okay, seriously now... get the f*ck out of town. Good grief, I don't even know where to start with this one...

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Best and Worst Celebrity Baby Names

I have seriously wondered over the years if the momentary Mom Insanity we suffer in the panic after the birth of our children has gone deeper with some celebrities when their children are born. I understand they are celebrities, but their children are still children- so why give them these absolutely ridiculous names to have all of their lives?

The folks at EverydayFamily sent me this infographic, and I couldn't stop laughing (and rolling my eyes, and my jaw kept dropping open). It's great! A huge thanks to them for sending it to me (head to their site to sign up for a FREE account with them to get access to great parenting articles).

EverydayFamily.com - Celebrity Baby Names
Brought to by EverydayFamily.com, provides expert advice and informative articles on everything from pregnancy symptoms to baby milestones and beyond.


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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Countdown to Crapping in Peace

I am T-minus 7 days until I get into a house and out of this effing apartment. A house... with a huge kitchen... and separate bedrooms for the kids... and 2.5 bathrooms instead of 1... and a Tatted Mom room with my books, my art supplies and my writing stuff. Basically, I'm 7 days away from heaven... I think.

If you are a regular Inklings reader, you know that Hubby is military. We made the decision months ago to go ahead and move into base housing. We're starting over as a couple, trying to rebuild our family, so we want as little stress as possible, and for us, that means moving into base housing. We are 1 week away from moving, and we have yet to sign the paperwork on the house. Our orders for moving on base were cut weeks ago, the movers have been scheduled, I'm aching to call the cable company and get cable cancelled and the internet moved, but we are at a standstill right now, which of course is driving me absolutely insane. We haven't signed the paperwork for the house, done the inspection, nothing... hell, we haven't even seen the inside of the house yet. Each day that goes by I am closer to either curling up in the fetal position in the corner with my thumb in my mouth or needing my prescription for my Happy Pills refilled.

Pic courtesy of Yeah She Said It
This is the 5th move for the kids and I in the last 2 years. 3 of those moves were cross country and the 4th move was from South Carolina to Virginia- 400 miles. Needless to say, I'm frigging tired. I haven't seen my possessions in almost 2 years. They've gone from house to boxes to storage to new storage unit. When I start unpacking, it will be like Christmas for me, seeing things I didn't remember that I had.

None of that even matters when compared to the fact that we are (hopefully) a week away from a house. Almost twice the size of this tiny ass apartment, room to move, room to breathe, room to march to the opposite end of and hide in if the kids piss me off. Over the years of moving from houses to apartments, I have come to one large conclusion...

There are so many things you take for granted when you live in a house- things that, when a family of 4 lives in a 900 square foot apartment, immediately become issues:

  • Crapping in peace without the entire family, and the neighbors, knowing what you are doing
  • Loud sex
  • Being able to have 2 people in the kitchen without pissing each other off
  • Not immediately smelling that a cat's latest meal didn't quite agree with their stomach, and they had to expel it with the quickness

Monday, October 22, 2012

What's So Great About Being Normal, Anyway?

Y'all know I am not a normal mom. Hell, nowadays, who is? It's easier to define what isn't normal than what is normal in society today.

Since my readers here know I'm anything but normal, I decided to share my reasons for not being normal with other moms over at Parent Society today. I have a weekly column there, and it's stuff not posted here on Inklings, so go check it out. To see all of my posts on Parent Society, you can click the big Parent Society Contributor button in the sidebar- it takes you to my profile!

Here's the start to the article. Enjoy!

What's So Great About Being Normal, Anyway?

My 10-year-old daughter got into the car at afternoon pick up one day, pretty distraught. When I asked her what was wrong, she simply stated:

 “Sometimes I just wish we could be normal, like everyone else.” 

I was thrown off-guard with her statement. I’m in no way a normal mom, but I needed specifics before I began debating with her. (We don’t argue in our house, we debate.)

“I don’t know Mom, just normal. Like you could be like everyone else’s mom. We’re never allowed to go into other people’s houses, or play outside unless you can see us, or even watch Spongebob. My friends are allowed to do all of those things.”

I began debating with my daughter.

1. I don’t know these other people or their parents, so until I can assess whether or not it is safe for you to go into their house, it will continue to be this way.
2. Not allowing you to play where I can’t see you is for your own safety. A child is reported missing every 40 seconds in the United States. I’m doing everything in my power to make sure you and your brother are not in that statistic.
3. Spongebob is a brainless cartoon that teaches kids nothing of value but instead teaches them to whine, make stupid decisions, take crap from other people, and be mean to your best friend. There will continue to be no Spongebob in my house.

My answers apparently weren’t good enough for her, but she chose to not debate with me any longer. This gave me....

Continue Reading What's So Great About Being Normal, Anyway?


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Thursday, October 18, 2012

Your Kid's Name Is... Fido??

There are a few parenting practices that seriously urk my nerves. A few months ago I wrote about my biggest parenting pet peeve ever, which boiled down to saying "If you do that one more time..." and never following through with the consequence. I absolutely hate that. The next one is a close second.

Courtesy of FMLFTW
Kids on leashes.

They aren't leashes, Tatted Mom. 

I hear that crap all the time by people who put their kids on a leash. Kid keeper, safety harness, whatever in the hell you want to call it, let's get real- it's a leash.

Why on earth would you want to put your child on a leash? Is the child a pet? Do you put your kid's food on the floor, too, and make them slop it up like an animal? Do you hose the kid down outside before letting them come into the house? Do you give your kid flea baths?

Then why in the hell would you put your kid on a leash? To me, this is one of the laziest parenting practices ever. Either hold the child's hand while walking, put the kid in a stroller or pick the kid up. The kid leash is ridiculous and needs to be outlawed.

I've brought up my disdain for kid leashes to close friends and relatives, and most of them agreed with me. Few, though, either had used kid leashes or had no problem with using kid leashes, so that's when the debate would begin.

Here are some actual reasons that have been used to support kid leashes... and my rebuttal.

Safety harnesses keep the parents close to the child while out in public.
So does holding a child or putting them in a stroller.

My kid wriggles out of my grip when holding my hand.
Then put the kid in a stroller or pick them up.

It allows a child to safely explore their surroundings while still having boundaries.
Either let the kid explore their surroundings or keep them from exploring their surroundings, but putting them on a kid leash confuses them. They see a pretty flower approximately 6 feet away

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Halloween Activities for Older Kids

Halloween should be enjoyed by all ages, not just the little ones who can still trick-or-treat, or by adults who can head out to Halloween parties that go deep into the night. Having a child too old to trick-or-treat but not old enough to be partying to the wee morning hours can present a tough scenario for making Halloween fun.

Not anymore.

This post of mine is found over at Parent Society, where I'm a new contributor. It's a new post, never seen at Inklings before, but still has my crazy flare when it comes to parenting and writing.

And, like all of my Parent Society articles (well, all of my posts in general), pass it along to anyone you'd think would like it, because it could mean a bonus for me at the end of the month!

5 Halloween Activities for Older Kids


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Kids and Patience- It Can Happen!

Parenting is hard. Parenting in today's "Instant Gratification" world is even harder. 

Today's post is actually going to be found over at Parent Society. I'm the newest contributor over there and will hopefully have at least one new post a week. This is my first paying gig as a writer, so show me some love over there- the more love shown, the more $ I can stand to make. So be sure to pass my Parent Society articles around like a $2 hooker, please!

Yes, these articles still have my zany voice when it comes to writing, and no, it's not a topic I've covered here on Inklings.

So, here it is- read it, share it, comment if you'd like. There's a bunch of great stuff over at Parent Society, so definitely take a look around while you are there!

5 Ways to Teach Children Patience in an Instant Gratification World


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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Little Boxes On The Hillside (An Ink Blots Post)

I'm sitting here waiting for the kids to get out of school (yep, Inklingers, y'all are getting an off-the-cuff post) and the theme song for the TV show 'Weeds' keeps playing through my head.

You see, the kids' school is on base, in the middle of base housing, and we are moving one block away from the school in 2 weeks. I've known we're moving on base, Hubby and I weighed all options before making this decision, and this was the best for our family. But it wasn't until now that I truly looked around at my new neighborhood.

Little boxes on the hillside...

Everything is the same. The houses are identical except for a slight difference in color, the yards are the same, hell, even similar soccer mom vans sit in front of each home.

Little boxes made of ticky tacky...

I've already felt like Nancy Botwin with the whole PTO thing. I'm the outcast mom who attends the meetings to try and help but finds myself right outside of the clique.

I definitely don't look like the other moms around here, not covered in my tattoos.

I definitely don't act like the other moms around here with their fake smiles and, "Oh, it's great to see you again" just to talk shit behind the woman's back when she gets out of ear shot.

And I definitely don't do typical mom things, either. I write. I meditate. I glue things onto canvas and call it art. I play classical music for my kids and have them draw pictures showing how the music made them feel. I play with clay (again, calling it art).

I feel more and more like Nancy Botwin each day (minus the whole selling drugs thing).

So I figure if I'm going to do something, I might as well do it right. I'm getting my stop sign red hair back, pulling out my hippy skirts and my witch statues and I'm refusing to fit in around here, dammit.

And they all look just the same...

(There's no voting banner below because I posted this from my phone, but there's a nifty voting button to the right with 'We're #15' on it. We're actually tied for the #13 spot, so please vote. I like the number 13)


Monday, October 15, 2012

2 Years of Finding Humor in the Chaos of Motherhood

I'm not sure if this would be a blogrthday or a blogiversary, but either way you look at it, Inklings is now 2 years old!

Good grief, the last two years have been a roller coaster that has led to awesomeness. And I am amazed at how far Inklings has come, how many people read it, and what it has developed into.

I have something special planned to celebrate Inklings' birthday, but as I'm currently having technical difficulties, it will be something posted later this week. We aren't sure if our main laptop got a virus or decided to no longer work after Hubby slammed the thing closed, but either way I'm running off of our back up laptop for now while we get all of our files off of the hard drive of the main laptop, and see about buying a new one. All I have to say is thank goodness for our back up laptop, and for nerds at Hubby's work.

I wanted to take a second to thank everyone who reads Inklings on a regular basis. Y'all are amazing, and I am so thankful for each of you! For those that also vote (by clicking that little banner below) each day, y'all seriously rock! Y'all will see in a moment how much you do!

This post is just going to be a celebration of how Inklings has developed in the last 2 years. If you are new here, I'll include some links to various articles from the past. If you've read since day one, you get to see the evolution of this blog (it surprised me!). So, enjoy!

In 2 Years The Inklings of Life Has:

  • Had 8 articles featured on Blogher.com. (The list is in the right sidebar.)
  • Grown to 709 Likes on facebook, when we just got to the first 100 in April of 2012.
  • Mentioned the Zombie Apocalypse in 9 different articles- Seriously, y'all need to start preparing now, and don't forget to stock up on pads and tampons
  • Been in the Top 25 over at Top Mommy Blogs since April 25th, 2012. We wavered a bit here and there until June 2012, and have been steadily climbing to a present high of #15 reached on October 14, 2012. Those who vote each day make me the happiest blogger ever, as this is quite an accomplishment for a blog of this size.
  • Had one post, 100 Years of Mom Style, noticed by a writer for Babble and The Huffington Post,

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Add Police Detective to the Ever-Growing List of Mom Jobs

We moms are teachers, doctors, psychologists, chauffeurs, housekeepers, organizers, chefs and so much more.

I'm growing the 70s 'stache, too!
Courtesy of Party With This
It's time to now add Police Detective to that list.

I walked into the kitchen the other night to find a gallon of milk sitting on the counter. Thank goodness it was still cold, which means it hadn't been out for very long. I yelled out, "Hey, who left the milk out on the counter?"

The Ginger: "Not me."
The Girl: "Not me."
Hubby: "You know I didn't do it."

Hmmm. I understand that my kids drive me crazy many times, but I really didn't think I had hit the not-realizing-I-was-the-one-who-left-the-milk-out-but-not-remembering stage of crazy yet. I guess now I was going to have to CSI that shit to see who left the milk out. I looked around to find a half filled or empty cup of milk.

No cup of milk.

Okay, so if the culprit didn't take the milk out of the fridge to get a glass of milk, then they took the milk out of the fridge to get to something else in the fridge. I flung open the fridge door and saw a big hole on the top shelf where the milk usually sits. In that hole was a pitcher of green kool-aid.

I returned the milk to its rightful place and began searching for a cup of green kool-aid. On the dining room table sat a child's cup, empty. I raced to the cup to find the remnants of green kool-aid in the bottom.

"Whose cup is this?" I asked, holding up the cup.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Eliminating Competition in Schools Needs to Stop!

Last month I attended my first PTO meeting, which, if you either remember or click back to read about, is when I decided that PTO stands for Pain in The Ovaries. Yesterday was round #2. Why do I put myself through these meetings? To be an integral part of my children's education. Or to have goodies for y'all to read.

Mostly, it's the second reason. I torture myself for my readers. I don't hate it, I promise.

So yesterday's meeting involved finalizing the volunteers for the Fall Festival (which I had signed up to coordinate the face painting, but as we are moving into the new house on that day, I respectfully declined the position today... oh damn, right?), as well as discussing future fundraising ventures.

Now, this is the Fall Festival that we aren't selling tickets at to raise money, remember? Yep. Not selling tickets to be used to gain admission to the various games, activities and so forth, tickets that help raise money for the PTO, as this is considered a fundraising event. None of those tickets- those money-making tickets. None.

We covered the lack of selling tickets, which means no money is being raised at this fundraiser, right? (If you can't tell, it's an extremely sore subject with me.) Well, it gets better.

The coordinator of the Fall Festival got up and began explaining the activities planned. There is going to be a Haunted Hallway that the 5th graders are making, and the remaining classrooms will participate in door-to-door trick-or-treating. These other classrooms are also going to decorate their doors, and at the end of the night there will be a best door decoration competition, with the winning classroom getting some sort of prize.

Courtesy of Macmillan Dictionaries
The Treasurer in the first row began shaking her head. The Fall Festival Coordinator stopped talking, looked at her and said, "What's wrong?"

Treasurer: Did we not tell you?
Fall Festival Coordinator: Tell me what?
T: There's not a best door decoration competition anymore.
FFC: No, you didn't tell me. Are the classes just not decorating the doors anymore?
T: No, they are still decorating the doors, but there's no competition anymore.
FFC: Why? What happened?
T: Well, we had some concern from some of the teachers about the decorating competition. They stated that they would rather work together than compete against one another. It seems that some of the teachers are more artistically inclined than others, or they have students that are more artistically inclined, and therefore a competition wouldn't be fair to the teachers who aren't as good at art.

My jaw hit the floor. I happened to be sitting directly behind the Treasurer as she was explaining this, so while she could not see my facial expressions, everyone else in the meeting soon turned toward me. Hell, I even got a snicker out of the principal. The more this woman explained how the teachers wanted to promote

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Halloween is NOT a Religious Holiday

Halloween is probably my favorite holiday. Each year as it approaches, I find myself getting more excited, happy and more creative as Halloween crafts and costume ideas come to mind.

I also find myself getting more annoyed by people who don't understand the holiday. The topic has come up several times on different mom forums where I am a member. Over and over again I read...

"We don't celebrate Halloween because it's against our religious beliefs." or
"We don't want to scare our children by celebrating this horrible holiday."

In complete and utter honesty, every time I read one of these statements, I have to remove myself from the computer. Close it, get up, walk around, take deep breaths, and talk myself out of getting back on the computer and opening up a can of whoop ass on these ignorant people. If you are one of these people who makes the statements above, please read further- you'll learn something today. For everyone else- you'll love how I'm about to handle this.

Let's start with a simple Halloween history lesson. You can Wikipedia this info, too, go ahead. It's all legit (no matter how much some people would love to call me a liar). The word 'Halloween' is Christian in origin. It comes from the shortened 'All Hallows-Even', which comes from the celebration of All Saints Day (also known as Hallomas, Hallotide, and All Hallows) on November 1st and 2nd, which celebrated saints and remembered people who had recently passed on but had yet to reach Heaven.

So if you are of the Christian religion, and say that Halloween is against your religion, I won't say you are wrong, but, well, you're wrong. But if you are hell bent on NOT celebrating Halloween, then keep reading. I'll give you a loophole in the coming paragraphs.

Now, many people think that Halloween is purely an accepted form of the holiday of Samhain, celebrated by earth-centered religions. While yes, Samhain does fall at this time of year, not everything we do on

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Making the (Number) Grade

For those that follow the facebook page, I've mentioned that some really cool things are happening for Inklings. Today marks the first of those cool things, and comes with a confession.

I've been cheating on y'all. I've been writing for other sites- original articles that you Inklingers here haven't read before. I know you are used to me writing a post and then it's featured on another site, but I've gotten into writing original content for parenting websites. It's been pretty amazing.
Making the (Number) Grade at Mamapedia

The first (of many) original articles posted on other sites is:

Making the (Number) Grade, which is found on Mamapedia.com.

I had a lot of fun writing this article about the new grading system for the schools (no more A's, B's, C's, etc), and the new standardized learning system that most of the nation has gone to this year. All articles I write still have my zaniness, my unique way of looking at things, and my sense of humor. It's just being passed to the masses now.

So head over there, check out my article, comment it on it there or here, and check out everything else Mamapedia has to offer!!

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Saturday, October 6, 2012

The Honest Company: An Honestly Amazing Business

I've mentioned before that many years ago I made all natural bath and beauty products. I did this because I couldn't stand the chemicals found in the commercial products. I also made my own cleaning products with natural ingredients and plant-based essential oils, because I didn't want to worry about what happened if my child decided to lick the dining room table after I had just wiped it down with a cleaner.

If The Honest Company had been around 10 years ago, my life would have been so much easier back then. It's fine, though, because they are around today, and I don't have the time to make these things nowadays. I gladly let them do it for me.

Click the picture to be sent to The Honest Company
When I was first introduced to The Honest Company, I was blown away. Non-toxic, eco-friendly products that are effective and affordable? Get out of town. I didn't believe it. I had yet to find eco-friendly products that didn't cost an arm and a leg. I was proven wrong with The Honest Company.

They offer household cleaning products, skincare items, and even diapers and wipes that are non-toxic, hypoallergenic, and made with NO harsh chemicals, ever.

Let me digress for one quick second. Do you all even know some of the ingredients found in conventional bath, beauty and home products? How about formaldehyde? Did you know it's a common ingredient in shampoo and conditioner? Yeah, it is. Or how about propylene glycol? It's found under the hood of your car in antifreeze, as well as in many of your commercial lotions. Fun, right? And we have all heard about how sulfites are chemicals that have been linked to cancer, yet found in your shampoos, conditioners, lotions and body wash.

The Honest Company's products contain none of these chemicals. They even have an Honestly FREE Guarantee to prove it.

Their baby diapers are eco-friendly, hypoallergenic, chlorine-free, and made with plant based materials, ensuring that your baby will not be exposed to any harmful chemicals. Their baby wipes? Same thing, along

Thursday, October 4, 2012

My Excuses for Not Looking Like Maria Kang After Having Children

There's this picture that has gone viral on facebook, and it's gotten on my last nerve. Here's the picture, courtesy of MariaKang.com.

Courtesy of MariaKang.com

She wrote a post on her site when this picture went viral. You can read it here if you'd like. She says she "didn’t decide to be a fit mother after giving birth, I made the decision years ago and planned my body and brain for the fight of its life after giving birth 3 times in 3 years."

Great for her, right? I'm sure all of us women planned for years leading up to our pregnancies so our bodies would just bounce back after having kids, right? No? She's the only one? Hmph, you could have fooled me with that.
Since she so eloquently decided to attach the tagline "What's your excuse?" to her picture (or use this picture, with the tagline, on her website), then I will take it upon myself to answer the tagline's burning question (would y'all have it any other way?).
My Excuses for Not Looking Like Maria Kang After Having Children
  1. I enjoyed my pregnancies. I was pregnant with The Girl through Thanksgiving and Christmas. I enjoyed pumpkin pie, holiday cookies, peppermint stick ice cream, hot chocolate and whatever goodies Santa left in my stocking. When I was pregnant with The Ginger during the summer, I enjoyed fresh pies and muffins, hamburgers or ribs, potato salad and other typical cook out food, and whatever else I felt like eating. 
  2. I used the time after my kids were born to enjoy my children. I was more worried about taking care of my children, watching them sleep, kissing their noses and making sure I was there for every

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Religion is Like Ice Cream, and Answers to Other Tough Questions Kids Ask

When you become a parent, you think you know what you are getting into. Sure, there's the late night feedings, the sleeplessness, the scrapes and bruises to kiss and bandage, the endless hugs to be given. You know about all of these things.

Picture courtesy of Power Living
You don't think about all of the questions you will be asked. Not by family members, not by fellow moms... by your kids. And it starts pretty much the moment they begin talking.

Over the years, I've managed to dodge some pretty huge bullets with my kids by answering, "Just because" when they ask me something. Now that my kids are older, it's not that easy. They want answers, and they are old enough now to know when I'm bullshitting them.

I have a philosophy about how to answer older kids when they ask questions: Be as technical and proper as possible. Either they will understand it and your answer will satisfy them, or it will be so over their head that they'll say, 'Okay' and walk off, making sure to think twice before asking you another question. It's a win-win situation, in my opinion.

It's just getting through the actual answering of the difficult questions that's the hard part. Kids are exposed to so much nowadays, that I know my kids ask me questions that I didn't have to ask my parents when I was their age. It sure makes life... interesting.

So today I wanted to share with y'all some real questions my kids have asked me and my actual answers to those questions. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried...

The Ginger: Why are those two girls in the pool kissing?
Me: Because they love each other.
G: Yeah, but why is it two girls kissing?
M: Because love can not be defined. Once you love someone, you love them, and sometimes girls love girls. Just like sometimes boys love boys. Most of the time girls love boys and boys love girls, but sometimes it's different. Is love bad?
G: No
M: Then there. As long as they are loving, it's okay. Unless it's a person kissing an animal. Then it's gross and not a good thing. Now quit staring at the lesbians, please. They aren't a sideshow act.
G: What's a sideshow act?
M: Nevermind. Good grief, they need to bring back the freak shows at the circus and fair. My kids are so sheltered. 

The Girl: Mom, if we don't go to church, are we going to the H-E-L-L place?
Me: No, why?
G: Well, we were told that if we don't go to church, and accept Jesus Christ as our savior, that we'll go to the H-E-L-L place when we die.
M: (I knew the culprit in this one, so instead of flipping out about who told my kids that, I decided to answer the question anyway.) What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Beauty Box 5- Get Yours Now!!

Okay, Inklingers, an amazing product has fallen into my hands, so I want to pass it onto you. There are tons of beauty subscription boxes out there, but Beauty Box is quickly climbing up the rankings as being women's favorite.

Never heard of Beauty Box or even the beauty subscription box concept? I hadn't either, until I lived with my sister. She loved makeup (as do I), and signed up with a beauty box subscription service. Basically, you pay anywhere from $10-$20 a month (depending on the company), and they send you a box each month with makeup, lotion, face care, hair care (and more) samples that value well over $50 (many times upwards of $100). These are samples that the companies generally charge for, and many times you get an actual full sized product instead of just a sample. When that little box comes in the mail, everyone in our apartment used to get excited (she gave me the stuff in the box that she didn't think she'd try). Hell, she even got tea to drink one month. It was awesome!

Beauty Box is a great way to try samples from many different beauty companies before buying their products. Y'all know I like samples. It's just $12 a month if you sign up for them to deliver to you monthly (more for quarterly or yearly), but admit it- it's worth $12 to have a little surprise, that's all yours, mailed to your door each month.

So, if you are interested, give Beauty Box a try.

Below the picture is a video from youtube of one of Beauty Box's subscribers doing a review of Beauty Box. It's pretty awesome all of the things she got in her box!






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Monday, October 1, 2012

I'm Working, Not Playing, Thank You

On this Monday morning, Inklingers, I vent.

I am a stay-at-home mom, yes. I am a blogger, yes. My kids are on Fall Break this week (which started Friday), and I swear, if I hear a certain phrase one more time, there's a decent chance the kids will be ordered to remain in their rooms all week, where I will feed them pancakes that have been slid under the door.

Mom's on the computer... again.


Courtesy of Filmoa.com
Holy freaking crap, kids, give me a break.

  1. You aren't supposed to be here, anyway. You are supposed to be in school. Whoever thought a Fall Break was a good idea needs to have all of the kids in the school district come hang out at their house for the week.
  2. I am not playing on the computer. I am working. I can't remember the last time I played on the computer. 
  3. You are the kids, I am the mom. If I want to stay on the computer all freaking day, playing Bejeweled if I so choose, I will do so. Keep your mouths shut.
There is this huge bone of contention in my house about the time I spend on the computer, and what I'm doing on the computer, and to be quite honest, it pisses me off. Hubby has stated his side of it, I have argued my side, and he has just come to accept it. But, many tears have been shed on my end because of it.

Why cry? To risk sounding like a misunderstood, pampered artist, they don't understand, and it frustrates me. 

On a normal day, after the kids are at school, I make my cup of coffee and then grab the laptop. For the next 3-4 hours, I work. Yes, I call it work. I am answering emails to readers, to advertisers about their terms, and to websites who want something from me (or for me to do something for them). I am writing guest posts for other blogs and websites. I am negotiating with sponsors to get their ads run on my blog. I am writing blog posts for my site. I am networking and getting Inklings closer and closer to being a household name. And I am working on a huge project right now that hopefully I will be able to reveal to everyone later this week. 

I am not playing on this damn computer. Not once do I pull up a game and just zone out for a little while. Not once am I surfing the web for the latest shoes to buy. I spend 3-4 hours a day working, but for some reason, no one in this house sees it.

The kids don't think it's working because I don't leave the house. Hubby doesn't think it's working because I