Thursday, May 31, 2012

Catastrophe Awards and Mothers Who Go to the Media About Them

Please tell me y'all saw the story yesterday on Yahoo! about the mom in Arizona who went to the media about the fact that her 8 year old daughter's teacher gave her kid a 'Catastrophe' award at the end of the school year, because the little girl had the most excuses for not turning in her homework.

If you haven't heard about it, please take a second to read the story, so my post today makes more sense. I'll be here when you get back, I promise, and I know you'll come back, because my rants are amazing.
Mother of the Year, right there...
Christina Valdez, pic courtesy of kgun9.com

Are y'all ready? Here we go...

I want to pat Christina Valdez (the mother) on the back, and get her number so I can ask her parenting advice from here on out. She obviously gets the Mother of the Year award for many reasons:
  1. She's such an amazing mother, that she made sure her daughter did her homework every night. In fact, my guess would be that she sat down with her daughter and helped her with her homework every night, just to make sure it was done. In the least, she asked her daughter if her homework was done when she picked her up from the 'after-school homework assistance program'. An answer of, 'Yes, Mom' from an 8 year old is always 100% trustworthy.
  2. When her 8 year old brought this award home to her, she was immediately outraged, and rightfully so. What kind of teacher jokes around with her students? Teachers and students should never interact in a way that could make learning fun. So, Christina took matters above the teacher's head to the principal, because expressing her concern to the child's teacher is a completely unreasonable idea. Great moms always blow things out of proportion.
  3. Apparently the principal 'blew her off', so she went to the media, as any amazing mother should. I mean, come on. The award, which was given to the little girl in front of her whole class, according to Christina is, "...cruel and no child should be given an award like this. It's disturbing." Having her child humiliated by her class is a horrible thing. Now, having the entire world know about it, by going to the media, is definitely not going to do any more harm than good, so yes, an amazing mother goes the media to make this travesty known.
Sheesh, give me an effing break.

In the actual news article, they interviewed psychologists who said that this award is inappropriate, and such an award can cause kids at this age to "feel fearful of authority of what might happen if they make a mistake."

WTF happened to consequences of actions? The little girl didn't do her homework, apparently all year

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Tatted Mom's Guide to Sex Education for Teenagers

No one has ever accused me of being ordinary. For those that follow Inklings pretty regularly, you know I don't do anything in a conventional manner, and my approaches to certain parenting issues can be somewhat... messed up crazy creative.
Tatted Mom's Guide to Sex Education for Teenagers

Today's vlog post is no exception.

I've been thinking about this post since I first did a vlog post a few weeks ago. Somewhere in today's '16 and Pregnant' and 'Teen Mom' tv shows, sex education has been lost. It's time to gain that back.

Keep in mind that this post could be deemed quite controversial, quite outspoken, and in the least, good for a few laughs. But, it's what's needed in this day and age. If you are conservative, this isn't the post for you.

I hope everyone enjoys, and will share with other open-minded parents and adults, too. If nothing else, it should be a wake up call that an extreme measure needs to be taken, for our youth, and be taken quickly, because nothing else seems to be working.




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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Man Philosophy: Top 10 Woman Shows

Another installment of Man Philosophy, and now y'all know that I married a smart ass! For the newbies to the site, we've had the intro Man Philosophy post and the cooking post, and don't forget about the Man Philosophy merch stuffs. Enjoy! ~Tatted Mom

Wait, I might have grabbed the wrong clip
art for this article... Oh, well. ~Tatted Mom
Courtesy of sheknows.com
Hello all, it's Hubby. I've been asked for weeks to write a new blog for Tatted Mom. The problem is, I haven't been inspired to write about anything in particular. So, I'm sitting here watching tv and wishing I was with the wife. Now, I'm inspired. It occured to me that guys out there need a list of tv shows that all women love that they can happily watch together for that all important "quality time". This list is in no particular order so please enjoy.

Note: Some of these shows aren't on tv anymore but are easy to download or catch on netflix.

Top 10 Man Woman Shows
  1. Sopranos: This show is a classic in most wives circles. I have not idea why, but men, your women love this show. It must be the mafia, sex, and violence of it all. She'll always love cuddling on the couch to see Tony whack some wannabe wiseguy. 
  2. Spartacus: You'll notice on this list that most women love violence, blood, and insane amounts of nudity. As men, even though we don't like it, we have to try to sit through this filth to make our women happy. This show set in ancient Rome is surprisingly accurate considering all of the over the top gore. That's why I am able to sit through this when my wife wants to watch it...for the historical aspect. Be warned men, you'll have to turn away when the graphic nudity happens.  
  3. A-Team: Sometimes women like to go old school. It seems mindless to us men but women love watching a completely unbelievable group of Vietnam vets turned mercenaries. I'd rather read a good romance novel while my wife wants to catch a rerun of this show but, I'll put romance off for her.  

Monday, May 28, 2012

It's Okay to Do Nothing

I want to start by saying Happy Memorial Day, and I hope everyone is spending the day outside, grilling, laughing, enjoying their families. For those in the military, thank you for your service. To military wives, enjoy the day too, because you have earned it, raising a family much of the time as a single parent, putting up with deployments, and standing beside your spouse as they defend our country.

Today is hard for me. Hubby is 2000 miles away, has a 3 day weekend, and is my grilling guy. I have no grilling skills at all, and don't even have a grill at the moment. 3 day weekends are meant for cooking out, which neither he nor the kids and I will be doing this weekend. Blah.

The tattoo studio is closed today and the kids have off of school, so I planned to get some moving stuff done today; head to the storage unit, grab some boxes to go through, go grocery shopping for the week, make the kids go through the boxes from the storage unit, stay busy, so tomorrow, my actual day off of work, I can relax.

Somewhere along the way, the plan changed. That somewhere would be at a point between the 4 hours I spent rearranging and cleaning out my blog this morning, The Ginger getting extremely engrossed in a Wii game (considering he hasn't played video games in forever), and The Girl starting a Nancy Drew Mysteries computer game. In other words, life happened.


That's when I realized it's okay to do nothing. It's okay to let The Ginger get his video game fix that he

Sunday, May 27, 2012

17 Things I'd Do If I Were President

I don't get into politics much at all- not in conversation, not in my blog, not in my life. Sure, there are things I stand for, and things I oppose, but they are my things, that I generally keep to myself. My post today is not necessarily a political one. It is, like most of my other posts, a humorous one. So, enjoy, and feel free to add your own to the bottom as a comment, and share with your friends on facebook or via email (there are links for both of that) if you have the same views I do!

These are in random order, by the way, and I know now that I'm taking a huge risk with some of these. I'll either gain some mad respect, or lose some of my following. Fingers crossed for the mad respect...

17 Things I'd Do If I Were President
  1. We would have a nationwide mandatory nap time from 2pm-3pm every day. 

  2. Stay-at-home moms would get paid by the government for their job. Not like welfare, but a legitimate paycheck. They would get raises if their kids are doing well in school, kept healthy, and well-adjusted, and get pay cuts if their kids take a gun to school, or do drugs, or are not a functioning, positive member of society. Yes, drug tests will be held for the stay-at-home moms, too, and anyone failing the hardcore drugs will be fired immediately from their position.

  3. Women's clothing sizes below size 6 will be dropped from all clothing lines. Size 11/12 will be the new 'skinny'. If you want to have a size 0 ass, then you'll have to pay the government to have an 'I don't eat on a regular basis' card to buy special clothes.

  4. Teachers would be given raises, and funding put back into the schools for art, music, theater, wood shop, etc. These are the courses where children find their callings, where personalities are formed, and yet they are the first to be cut from schools when money gets tight.

  5. Coffee and cheesecake would be given complimentary at the end of every meal at a restaurant, like the rolls at the beginning of the meal. Just a small piece of cake so you still have the option to buy a bigger one.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Get Your Own Damn Kid Outta the Street!

Last week, I was traumatized. For those that are fans of the Inklings facebook page, y'all heard about my experience. Today, I tell y'all the full story, and finally share it with the world (as I think I've healed enough).

I was attacked by a bird. Not just any bird, a momma bird. Not just any momma bird, a momma bird who thought I was trying to hurt her baby.
I know how she felt...

Yeah, deep ish, right?

I'll start by saying I'm okay, physically. Emotionally and mentally... still getting there...

I was heading to work one morning, and as I approached the stop sign at the end of my street, I noticed something in the road. It was a baby mockingbird, hopping along, hurt wings. I swerved to miss it, put my car in park, turned on my hazards and got out of the car. I felt that I needed to help it get to safety on the sidewalk.

Now, I'm not an idiot. I knew not to touch it. There was no telling what momma bird would do if I touched it. So, I stood straight up, got behind the baby bird, which made it hop forward. Good, I can work with this.

Above me, I could hear the momma bird squawking at me, flying back and forth frantically, not knowing what to do. She soon figured it out...

Thursday, May 24, 2012

My Ears are Bleeding, Thanks to Birthday Cake

I don't think I can ever look at birthday cake the same way anymore. Thanks to music nowadays, I'm ruined... and shocked... and disappointed as hell... and outraged.

I was in my car the other day, radio cranked up, kids not with me (thank goodness), flipping through the radio stations, when a song with an awesome beat caught my attention. I turned the radio up, and that's when I heard:

Wait, whats going on with
that icing? Really? Awwww,
come on....
"I wanna f*ck you right now. But he wanna lick the icing off (the icing off).I know you want it in the worst way (the worst way). Cant wait to blow my candles out. He want that cake; Oh baby I like it, you're so excited, don't try to hide it; Ima make you my bitch, Cake. I know you wanna bite this, it's so enticing, Nothing else like this, Ima make you my bitch."

WTF? This crap is on the radio? My kids could have heard this! Thank you, Rihanna, but you can keep your damn birthday cake.

The bad thing is, Rihanna's 'Birthday Cake' song isn't even as bad as I've heard. We all remember Ludacris'  'What's Your Fantasy?' from a few years ago, right?

"I wanna get you in the back seat, windows up, That's the way you like to f*ck, clogged up fog alert, Rip the pants and rip the shirt, Rough sex, make it hurt."


(A small confession here, I'm sorry to say I love that Ludacris song. It's catchy. But do I let my kids listen to it? No, I don't.)

If we stray away from the sexual songs for a second, then we're bombarded with songs that make drinking, smoking, and doing drugs okay. Take Wiz Khalifa's 'Young, Wild and Free' for example:


'So what we get drunk? So what we smoke weed? We're just having fun...'


And the song is so damn catchy that, if you aren't watching your kids, they'll be singing along by the second time the chorus comes around. So what they get drunk? So what they smoke weed? So what they get an ass whooping from their mom and grounded for the rest of their lives?

Just in case you all think I'm nitpicking hip hop songs, we'll throw blonde haired, blue eyed Kesha under the

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

"MOMumental" Book Review & Giveaway

So, y'all know Inklings is not a review/giveaway blog. I must make that clear in the beginning. If something comes along that catches my attention, then I will post an honest review about it... but it has to take something pretty cool, and this does not happen very often.

I was emailed about reviewing a book entitled "MOMumental" (catchy title, isn't it?), which is a collection of stories of motherhood, written by Jennifer Grant. I received my copy in the mail (2 copies, actually, which means I get to do my first giveaway, below), and started reading it immediately.

The first thing I noticed about the book was the chapter names. 'Mommy Misdemeanors: Adventures in Messing Up' and 'There's Something About Blue French Fries: Adventures in Junk Culture'. Different, quirky... right up my alley.

I was shocked at how many of Jennifer's stories I could relate to, or seek wisdom from. In Chapter 4, 'Escape to Gordon's House: Adventures in Friendship' she tells readers how while her husband was travelling for work, she always did for her kids, and often forgot about herself. She relates that to how, on an airplane, the flight attendants tell you in case of emergency, secure your own mask then help the person next to you, but how she, like so many moms, metaphorically secured her children's masks and forgot to put on her own.

Hey, that's me... and an amazing analogy, needless to say.

The whole book is filled with little tidbits that resonated so highly with me. How she turned off her TV and urged her kids to play outside, how important family meetings can be (we are so starting those when the kids and I get to Arizona next month), how trust and faith in the family can overcome so many hurdles. She goes

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Be the One, Not the 12.9 Million

I sat down last night to stalk people catch up on facebook, and out of the corner of my eye was a McDonald's ad. The picture was of a woman, looking like she's making love to a cheeseburger, and there was a question about what you are craving right now, with a few options for you to choose from. None of them, in my opinion, sounded appealing. Nor did the picture of the woman molesting the cheeseburger.

Very briefly I wondered what was wrong with me. Everyone enjoys fast food every once in a while, right? The sight of that McDonald's food made me feel queasy. I realized then, that I hadn't eaten McDonald's since before Halloween... that's 7 months ago, and the reason I stopped is because that last McDonald's meal had me in the bathroom all freaking night. Not something I wanted to do again... ever.

I refreshed the page on facebook, and another McDonald's ad popped up, a different one this time. The slogan on this one read something about getting a 'delicious, well deserved lunch'. Am I the only one who yelled out 'Bullshit!' when seeing this ad? In my opinion, McDonald's isn't 'delicious' and if a fat ass, high cholesterol, greasy skin, lethargy and heart disease are 'well deserved' then by all means, I'll take 2, right?

The ads angered me, sorry to say. Why? Because facebook, while yes, used by people of all ages, is mostly a younger-based social media site. People my age- we can think for ourselves. We can see that McDonald's ad and say, 'Whatever, that food is garbage' and continue clicking. A younger audience, however, will see that ad and say, 'Mmmmm, I want some McDonald's'.

Fast food every once in a while is okay, yes, but that's just not the case nowadays. Fast food has become an accepted meal several times a week for some families.

And people wonder why the obesity rate and diabetes rate in the US has skyrocketed, especially in children, over the last 10 years. It's partly because fast food places are allowed to market on social media sites, and have commercials that draw kids in.

Smoking ads on TV are illegal, right? Packs of cigarettes must carry a disclaimer, issued by the government,

Sunday, May 20, 2012

4 Wheelers and... God's Will????

I'm treading on thin water today. There are some topics I chose to not ever dive into when I started my blog, because, while I enjoy a good debate every once in a while, many people today can't debate; they have to argue, and topics that make people argue spread across the internet like herpes in a whore house. I don't want Inklings to be herpes.

Today's post borders on one of those topics. So, I have decided to tell the story of what happened yesterday, and leave it at that. I welcome any and all comments about the topic, as long as they are respectful and adult. So, let's play nice, okay?

Yesterday was a family get together of Hubby's family. I love my husband's family, I really do. When I left him years ago, they all stood beside him, as they should, but when we got back together, they welcomed me back with open arms, and made me family again. These people are truly amazing.

So, we're out there, in the boondocks (have I ever mentioned I'm from the country... like, no McDonald's or WalMart where I'm from type of country), and someone had brought a 4 wheeler- a suped up 4 wheeler that sounded like an entire group of motorcycles. They get it off the truck and start going through the field, and I think to myself, 'There is no way my son, who is a little on the fragile side, would ever get on that thing,' so, I headed inside to socialize (yes, there were adults outside with the kids and the 4 wheeler). When I went inside, my nephew (who is 7) and Hubby's cousin (his 4 wheeler, and he's like 20, I think) were on the 4 wheeler.

A few minutes later, someone looks out the window and sees that an accident has happened. We all go running outside, me coming up the back, all relaxed, because I just knew neither of my kids were on it.

Wrong. The Ginger was being escorted up the hill by his sister and his other cousins, tears streaming down his face.

Yes, panic struck, and trying to get the story of what happened from two 10 year olds and a 9 year old is

Saturday, May 19, 2012

8 Things an 'Old Mom' Does During Her Kid Free Weekend

My kids have been gone for going on 2 days now. My brother in law came and picked them up Thursday afternoon, after school, and I don't go to pick them up until this afternoon.

It's been amazing.

I love my kids, please don't misunderstand that. But, as every mom out there knows, sometimes we just need a break!

Since I moved here in September, I have had 4 weekends without the kids, including this one. During the last one, Hubby took me to an amazing hotel and we had dinner at The Melting Pot. The time before that I went to the Native American sweat lodge, and the time before that, well, let's just say I had hit an extreme bump in my road, reality had finally set in, and I spent the weekend in an empty apartment with vodka to accompany me... at least, that's what I remember of that weekend (there was a blog post written that weekend. It has since been deleted. I didn't want the evidence. Sorry.)

So, when I thought about not having the kids for a few days, I got so excited. Oh, the possibilities. I could sleep in, I could go see an adult movie in theaters (well, not an adult movie, but y'all get what I'm saying), I could watch whatever food documentaries on TV I wanted to without hearing them complain, I could heavily drink... ahh, yes, endless possibilities.

Here's a list of what I actually did while the kids were gone... Man, I've gotten old.

8 Things an 'Old Mom' Does During Her Kid Free Weekend
  1. Go pantsless. I would have walked around my apartment naked, but my sister is here, so that's a no-go. But, I did walk around in a T-shirt and underwear, no PJ pants, which, if the kids were here, I'd hear, 'Gross, Mom, go put on some pants, please. Eww, Mom's not wearing pants.' Do I do it anyway when the kids are here? Yep, sure do, and I'll do stupid dances in my underwear just to put the icing on the cake. But, I didn't hear any of that this weekend while I walked around in my scivvies. It was nice.
  2. Go on a Date. I went to dinner and a movie with my sister. Did we have to see a PG movie? Nope. We saw 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'. Amazing movie, by the way, that I would not have taken the kids to. It's not in our range of inappropriate for the kids to watch, but not something I would take them to the theaters to see. And, my sis and I ate at Red Lobster- way too expensive if we have the kids with us. I ate my seafood stuffed shrimp in void of 'stop kicking me' or 'Mom, can I have a bite of yours?' Ahh, bliss.
  3. Be Obnoxious in WalMart. After dinner and a movie, my sis and I decided to go shopping at WalMart without hearing, 'Mom can I have...' or 'How much longer until we leave?' It was peaceful, well, except for the fact it was WalMart. But, I decided to dance through the aisles singing, 'Afro Circus' from the Madagascar 3 trailer. To be completely honest, I would have done this even if the

Friday, May 18, 2012

Ken and Barbie are Freaks!

Some weird stuff goes on at my house. I'm not even talking the hyper kids, the crazy cats, or me getting dive bombed by birds (for more info on that one, see Inklings' facebook page). I'm talking, weird stuff, that only occurs when no one is looking, apparently.

And just for the record, not a single person can convince me that the Toy Story movies aren't real, after what I've seen.

These 2 pictures are a few years old; I found them while going through my facebook page, and forgot that I had even taken them. My kids were 7 and 4 at the time, so the possibility of them doing any of this on purpose is slim to none. Accidentally? Sure. Or, the Toy Story movies are real, and toys come to life when no one is looking. Look at the pictures below and tell me differently.

These pictures are epic.

Please keep in mind when you view these pictures, that these dolls were not staged this way... well, not by me. I found these dolls like this at the time of taking the picture.

I'm not sure if they are a little 'off' in position,
or if they have a foot licking fetish...
This picture of Ken and Barbie was taken in my bed. I pulled back the comforter to find them like this, underneath. You can tell I caught them in the act... look at the 'I wasn't doing anything' look on Barbie's

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Boobage in Michael J. Fox Movies? No...

I think I'm getting old. Or, even worse than that, I think I'm becoming a mom... a real mom, who allows my kids to only watch good, wholesome G rated movies.

Or, the movie industry is making me think I'm going crazy.

I'm going to go ahead and go with the 3rd option (because screw the 'old' thing, and I don't know if I'm ready to be a real mom yet; I haven't been visited by a fairy godmother and a cricket that can talk).

Has the movie industry changed the ratings on older movies, or am I going crazy?

There's no need to argue the fact that what was acceptable in an R rated movie 20 years ago is now acceptable in a PG-13 movie, but have the people that assign the ratings actually gone back and changed ratings of older movies?

Easy enough to google, I guess, but I'm choosing not to at this moment, in lieu of my own personal research.

I allow my kids to watch PG-13 movies. Yes, they are 10 and 7, and no, I do not just let them watch any movie, regardless of rating. I look up the movie on IMDb first, and check out the parental guide before allowing my kids to watch it. What is allowed to be viewed in our house? Minimal cussing, drinking, some violence and gore. What is not allowed to be viewed in our house (or must wait until the kids go to bed)? Nudity, sex, extreme cussing (Pulp Fiction style), drug use, extreme violence, nasty gore, horror movies and thrillers (could cause bad dreams). Generally speaking, I do not have to check the parental guide on PG movies and PG-13 movies made in the early 90s or before. We don't even attempt R rated movies, and PG-13 movies made in the 90s or later I need to check, especially recent PG-13 movies (they show nudity, drug use, extreme cussing, sex and all kinds of other crap nowadays).

Imagine my surprise when browsing on Netflix one night to find our family movie of the evening, I see that

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Curiosity Kills the Military Wife

There are many things about being a military wife that really suck. There are deployments that can last years sometimes, there are danger zones where we have to worry about our husbands' well beings, there is relocating every few years to a new state (or country), a new base, which always seems to come at the exact time where we finally get settled in to our current home and routine of life, there is weekend duty, long workdays with no extra pay, and so many rules and restrictions that it's hard to keep up with sometimes.

For me, one of the worst things ever is the curiosity aspect of being a military wife. I'm like Alice in Wonderland. One day, curiosity is going to kill my ass, and being a military wife does not help the situation any.

Need some explanation? I'll give you an amazing example.

Hubby texted me last night. Told me a plane diverted a few hours away from his base, and he and his guys were sent out to the site to help out this pilot. When they got out there, he found out some details about the trip that made him a little on edge.

What? What did he find out?

He couldn't tell me. I didn't need to worry, that he could tell me, and he was fine, and was going to be fine, that he could also tell me, but any details? Nope.

So, being that my curiosity won't rest until I have an answer, my options at that point were to push and push and push, knowing that if Hubby finally gave in, he could get into deep shit, or, use my active imagination to come up with a story myself, so outrageous that it had to be true, and satisfy my curiosity.

Here it goes...

Last night, Hubby got to work and was told that a plane went down in the desert and he and his guys needed to go help. Rescue workers had already been out to the scene, to help the pilot, who was okay, but there was a matter of the pilot's cargo that Hubby needed to go pick up and transport on the pilot's behalf.

So Hubby got out there, and the first thing he noticed was the amount of security at the scene. Then, he saw a huge tarp laying on the ground. They found the guy in charge, and he told them that what was under the

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Featured on Babble!

I got the most amazing email this morning from Meredith Carroll, one of the contributors at Babble.com. She wanted to get my permission to use images and some captions of my '100 Years of Mom Style' post to use for an article for Babble. She said she'd credit me and link back to me. My answer?

Hell yeah! How do I say no to that?

When I first started blogging, I found out about Babble's top mom bloggers list, and at first had a goal of being on that list one year (and yes, I still would love for that dream to come true). My dream slowly morphed into another dream of wanting to be a contributor on Babble... A dream I still hold to this day. So, when Meredith contacted me about using my article & crediting me, I jumped on the opportunity. Baby steps, right?

So, here it is, in all it's glory, on Babble.com:

100 Years of heels, panythose and other non-functional clothing | Strollerderby

Again, a huge thanks to Meredith Carroll for spotting my post, thinking it was Babble material, and crediting me. It has made my week, my month, and has shown me that dreams can be obtained, if you just work for them!

10 Types of Idiot Drivers

My drive to work in the morning, though short, is always an adventure for me. It absolutely amazes me how many idiots there are on the road. Seriously, how do these people get licenses? Find them in Cracker Jacks boxes? Good grief.

I think retesting for a driver's license should be done at least every 5 years. And I don't mean simply renewing your license, I mean retaking the written exam and possibly the driving exam.

I will probably shoot myself in the future for saying that, but really, it's gotten ridiculous.

Texting while driving has been outlawed in most places across the US, which yes, is a great thing. Does that mean everyone has completely stopped texting while driving? Hell no, it just means now we hold our phones in our laps while we reply to a text instead of holding it up for the world to see. Many cities and towns have even gone to the extent of outlawing cell phone usage while driving completely, unless you have a hands free device. Honestly I agree with that law as well. I have a pretentious Bluetooth, and I use it. I can't stand having a phone up to my ear period, especially when I'm driving.

I've been taking notes recently (while driving, of course... it's cool to have a notebook and pen in the passenger seat, writing while I'm driving to work, right?) at the different kinds of dumbass drivers there are on the road, and I think I've come up with a pretty comprehensive list.

The ironic thing? I'm one of these idiot drivers, and I can almost guarantee every one of you all reading this post today falls into at least one of these categories. Thus is life, and it doesn't mean I'm not going to make fun of bring to light these people. Hell, if you can't make fun of yourself, then you shouldn't make fun of other people (and I wouldn't have a blog if I couldn't make fun of other people).

10 Types of Idiot Drivers
  1. The New Driver. Unless they are still learning and marked by a driving school car, these drivers can be identified by their use of a turn signal at every turn and when switching lanes, their ability to drive exactly the speed limit, their hands on 10 and 2 on the steering wheel, and, if by chance you were to honk your horn at them, you'd see that they jump a mile in their seats (not that I've ever done that for my own amusement... never). These aren't necessarily idiot drivers, but do they piss us seasoned veterans off? Hell yeah they do.
  2. The Old Driver. Granny is sitting on a phone book, with blocks taped to the gas and brake pedals, is looking through the tiny slit between the dashboard and the top of the steering wheel, and all you can see as you approach her is a beehive hairdo above the seat's headrest. Her inability to even go the speed limit and how she swerves all over the place lead you to believe she was declared legally blind about 20 years ago. And, the best part of The Old Driver? Their car is a tank, made back when cars were still made out of steel, so if Granny ends up swerving into your car, you're screwed, but not a single blue hair on her head will be out of place.
  3. The Cool Kid. Driving at least 10 miles over the speed limit, weaving in and out of traffic, chunking

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Milk It, Moms! It's Your Day!

To start off, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to everyone. We moms should pat ourselves on the back; we made it through another year of motherhood without killing anyone (or hiding the body really well so it seems like you didn't kill anyone), completely giving up and hiding in bed for a year (a day or two or week is fine), and with more knowledge and grace to tackle another year of this.

Oh good dear gracious.

As I sat back and thought about the answer to the question I was being asked over and over and over and over (and over and over and over) again by my children of, 'Moooommmm, what do you want to doooooooooooo for Mother's Day?', I found that my mind wandered a bit. What did I want to dooooooo for Mother's Day?

Sleep in would be nice. Maybe have breakfast made for me. Have a clean apartment without having to lift a finger. Be lazy all day and have the kids wait on me hand and foot for a change.


Oh my goodness, all of these options sounded, well, almost orgasmic. No picking up dirty socks off the floor for a day, getting to watch whatever I wanted to on TV, having coffee brought to me...

Yes... yes.... YES!!!!

Screw a fancy, expensive dinner out. If my kids were making dinner, PB&J was fine with me, as long as I

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Dear TIME Magazine...

Photo courtesy of Time.com


Dear TIME Magazine,

Your recent cover has sparked some controversy in the world as a whole, as well as the world of mothering. Good job. Controversy means readers, readers means revenue, revenue means you all keep your jobs a little longer.

I'm a mother, yes, but I'm not here to give my opinion on breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, or to even completely comment on whether or not your cover photo is 'inappropriate', 'pornographic', 'disgusting',
'beautiful' or any of the other million adjectives, good and bad, that have been used by other people to describe it.

I'm here to say, quite frankly, Screw You. Your title of 'Are You MOM ENOUGH?' is what offended me, and let me tell you, it takes a lot to offend me. To me, the picture itself was not offensive, but the implication that because I didn't breast feed my children until they were 3, that I am in some way inferior to those women who did breast feed their children that long. How dare  you, being a national iconic magazine, here to report the news in an unbiased fashion, title an article on your front cover  in a way that is completely full of bias, and insults more than half of the mothers out there that see it. How dare you, a magazine that has withstood the test of time as a respectful piece of media, title an article in a way that causes some mothers to feel guilt, remorse, or that they are not 'mom enough' for their children. How dare you say that a mother's strength is measured by how long she breast fed her children.

We mothers have social, environmental and internal struggles every single day, and live in constant worry that we are going to mess our kids up, or wonder if we're doing what's best for our children. Then, you, TIME Magazine, come along and print this article, which is fine. A nice debate is healthy for society. But, downright insulting a majority of mothers in the process with the offensive title? Not fine. Not fine at all.

This cover photo just posted on the internet today, and has already gone viral, starting debates, fights, and has brought out the worst in people, especially moms. I've seen several sites already where mothers have been attacked by other mothers for either supporting this article or not supporting this article. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, yes, but your article did not just state an opinion; it insulted people in the process, which is something I would expect of the Hollywood rag mags, not a leader in news magazines.

So, TIME Magazine, Screw You. Seriously. From now on, when I want to read a news article, and I mean a real news article, I won't be turning toward you like I used to. Your choice to not title this article in a more tactful way has lost you a reader, and I can guarantee that I'm not the only one. And, I just hope that you can see the damage that you have done to society today, to motherhood itself, and to moms everywhere.

Screw You,






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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

100 Years of Mom Style

In the last 100 years, we have come a long way in the fields of medicine, science, technology...

And clothing style. Especially for moms. 

A friend of mine mentioned 'mom jeans' while we were on the phone the other day. Yes, I remember 'mom jeans' and how, thank goodness, I was a child at the time that 'mom jeans' were fashionable. It got me thinking, though. How has Mom Style changed over the last 100 years?

Now, this post is not about the general fashion trends of each decade; you won't see side ponytails and MC Hammer pants in the 80s section. I'm concentrating on mothers of each time frame, and what they were wearing while performing their jobs as cook, housekeeper, teacher, doctor, referee, and all of the things that being a mother entails. I chose to represent each decade with actual media ads. This post took some time, Inklingers; lots of research, and I can say that it was one of the funnest to write. Very eye opening, indeed.

So, without further ado, here it is: 

100 Years of Mom Style

1910s
Ahh, the joys of bouncing your baby girl on your leg... in a dress... with panty hose... and high heels. Good grief. And, is that a sheer apron? What exactly would be the purpose of a sheer apron, which isn't going to be made of easy-to-clean plastic or vinyl? Sad to say, this dress, panty hose, and heels look for moms isn't a short-lived thing.
1910s
1920s
Yes, the dress, hose, and heels continues, only in this decade, the heels are bigger and have a strap over the top of your foot. So, there's no flipping these bad boys off when you walk in the door from the grocery store. Not that a woman in the 1920s would have been flipping anything off when she came in the door.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

My Dream is Slowly Getting Squashed

I had a realization today (not an epiphany; damn, I've had too many of those lately) that the door to one of my dreams is slowly closing, and once this door is closed, I don't think it will ever be open again. Let me paint my dream for you...

It's a beautiful spring day. The kids are at school, but there's some kind of class event coming up for which I need to run to the store to pick up some things. I have a best friend who is a homemaker during the day like me, who I can call up and head to the store with me, because they too are waiting for the time to start cooking dinner, or for their kids to get off of the bus, or for their hubby to get home from work. So I call up my friend, we head to the local Wal-Mart if we're wanting to talk crap about the people there, or Target if we just want to get our shopping done without talking smack, get home, and drink mimosas on the porch until our kids get home from school, and our hubbies get home from work, gossiping or just sharing stories or advice from our lives in general. Our husbands are great friends, and we spend extended weekends grilling out and laughing, our kids playing in the yard.

I bet you are wondering why I think the door to this dream is slowly closing. Sounds completely reasonable, right?

In my dream, my best friend is a married gay guy, but the feminine one, in the "wife's" role. Seriously.

I'm not going to go all political with this post about how gay marriage isn't legal (yet), or even completely

Monday, May 7, 2012

Do the Wet Pants Thing...

Hubby: You know, between your blog, facebook, youtube channel, pinterest and twitter, you are probably the worst ninja assassin ever. People can find you anywhere.


Me: Good, then they'll suspect me even less as a ninja assassin, thank you.

This is typical banter between Hubby and I. Well, typical G-rated banter between Hubby and I, which honestly only makes up about 15% of our banter; the rest is most definitely PG-13 or above... way above.

That's me!
This smart ass back and forth that we do is one of the reasons we couldn't figure out why we were still separated. We stayed really good friends for those 3 years we were apart- so good in fact, that people each of us were seeing had major problems with it at one point or another. But, we didn't give a crap. We'd known each other 15 years; screw what every else deemed as an 'acceptable' or 'unacceptable' way for exes to act.

So, we removed our heads from our asses and decided to make this marriage work. There are many things we're having to start over new, or relearn about each other.

Our smart assedness (yeah, I just made that word up, but it's pretty epic) isn't one of them. That part of us, well, we just picked up where we had left off years ago.

Today, I wanted to share with you all some classics examples of Hubby and I. Some of them are G rated, most of them are not. So, if you are under the age of 18, easily offended, or have a certain mindset of how husband and wife should act toward each other, then I wouldn't continue reading if I were you. Seriously. Go now.

Okay, you've been warned. Choosing to stick around past this point could cause eye rollings, thoughts of 'Oh my gosh I can't believe they are like that', maybe some disgust, and very possibly peeing your pants.


Keep in mind that Hubby and I are still 2000 miles apart, so this banter is being pulled from texts... yes, I keep the evidence around, for just this purpose. I have over 1800 texts between us at the moment, that I have been saving... for something like this...


*
(Out shopping for the kids' Easter egg hunt, and Hubby decides he wants me to get big eggs for all the kids. I'm trying to describe these eggs I found, and finally get so aggravated that I took this picture and sent it to him so he could see how big the eggs were that I was talking about.) 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Reprogramming Myself

There comes a time in every humor blogger's life to get serious.

It doesn't happen much, y'all, and there will still be my sassy ass commentary thrown in here and there, I promise, but this post is quite emotional for me.

I had an epiphany last night (yes, another one. I seem to be full of them lately, but they are helping me make amazing, positive life decisions.) I was on pinterest (don't we all have our epiphanies while on pinterest?), and I came across this pin with pictures of a super skinny, stick figure woman, and a curvy, vivacious woman. This pin (pictured to the right) was on a board entitled 'Healthy & Positive Body Image'... so I clicked on it.

An hour later, I had added a new board, Reprogramming Myself, and was on the verge of crying. I had spent an hour on this woman's board, clicking on articles and reading comments, repinning pictures and sayings that resonated with me, and wondering what in the hell was wrong with me.

A short time ago, I was slowly killing my body. Seriously, that's not an exaggeration. I had gained some weight while Hubby was here, and had convinced myself it needed to go... and quickly. I had started working out at the gym, and was well within a healthy exercise schedule (30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, plus an hour walk at night, 3 days a week), but I had it in my head that this easy workout schedule needed to be paired with a fat-burning, weight loss diet. I started my research and convinced myself that carbs like pasta and bread were horrible demons, as well as all sugar. So, I'd wake up in the morning, have my cup of coffee (now with sugar free creamer), make a protein smoothie with fruit (because while yes, the body can process fruit as a carb, fruit was still good for you, and I knew the dangers of eliminating all carbs from your diet) for breakfast, snacked on nuts and fruit during the day, and lunch and dinner consisted of a salad, protein and some kind of cooked veggies.

A day or two in, I was bloated as hell, which, for someone like me, is problematic. See, I don't... um... pass gas in front of people. So this diet, which was making me full of it, had me in some pain, let me tell you. And my jeans, which already didn't fit because of the weight gain while Hubby was here, now absolutely did not even button.

Wtf, seriously? I'm working out every morning, doing cardio, lifting weights, eating healthy, and my 'fat clothes' don't even fit  anymore? Talk about frustrating.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Moving Requires Lots of Lube... Part 2

I'm a military wife. You'd think by now I'd be used to this ish.

Moving sucks. Really sucks. And no matter how many times I go through this, it doesn't seem to get any easier. I mean hell, the kids and I moved 5 times in one calendar year. 85% of my stuff is still packed in boxes in a storage unit, and this move isn't any easier than any of them before.

Flying = Money
When I made the cross country move over a year ago, my interaction with the moving companies prompted me to write Moving Requires Lots of Lube. This year so far, the moving company situation is being kind to us, though Hubby is handling that part of it. Plus, we haven't gotten too far in that process yet, so there might be a part 3 to this post for all I know, later on.

No, this year, the airlines are having their way with us. (And for the record, I'm glad that the airlines are taking advantage of 'us' this year, and not just 'me'. Moving cross country as a single mom sucked, but having Hubby involved now, even 2000 miles away, means that I'm not alone this time around. The need for lube is being divided between the both of us.)

When the kids and I moved a year and a half ago, 4 one way tickets (we had Z with us) plus insurance and fees ran $800. This year, each one way ticket is $350, meaning we're up to $1050 for 3 people, and that doesn't include insurance or any fees.

No hugs, no kisses, no nothing. The airlines certainly aren't reaching for any lube to make this easier.

Of course I googled why in the hell the tickets have more than doubled in price in just a little over a year.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Where Are the Mothers? The Inklings First Vlog Post!

It took some time, but it's finally done. I promised you all a Vlog post if we reached the top 25 over at Top Mommy Blogs, and here it is. It's my first ever vlog post, so go easy on me!

The topic I chose was Where Are the Mothers?


I had fun with this one. So without further ado, here it is... me, real, live, unscripted... did I mention nervous as hell shooting this? Yeah, I was. Holy crap I was. But, that's just for you all to know!




I went ahead and started The Inklings of Life Youtube Page, but if anything goes on it, I will make sure to post it here.

I hope you all enjoy! Thanks to all of my readers who vote daily, and got us into the Top 25. Votes count each day, so keep it up (we're at 23 today)! I want to be able to do a vlog post again, a little more refined or with more gadgets next time! Should be interesting!






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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Becoming a 'Screw You' Mom

I'm on the internet this morning, researching for what I thought was going to be my next blog post, and I got up to make a cup of coffee. There on the counter is The Ginger's lunch. Yeah, the kids left for school an hour ago. What am I doing about it?

Nothing. 


I put it back in the fridge, and continued making my cup of coffee. I have the day off from work, and nothing planned except dying my hair, laundry and reading more of the book I was sent to review.

I know some of you moms reading this are like, 'Oh my gosh, you have to go take him his lunch.'

No, I don't. By law, the state has to feed him a lunch. It will be peanut butter and jelly, milk, and a piece of fruit, but it's lunch. And yes, I will owe $1.20 for that sandwich tomorrow, which I will pay for. My son plays in the morning. 'Ginger, get your socks on; Ginger, get your shoes; Ginger, put your homework folder in your book bag; Ginger, get your lunch.' That's a typical morning for me. So, The Ginger knows what he has to do every morning. He knows he shouldn't walk out of the house without his lunch, and yet, this morning he was so distracted by his Legos that he forgot it. There are consequences to his actions, and he needs to learn that.

Mothering styles are just as diverse as mothers themselves.
Suddenly, a lightbulb came on, and I ran to my computer and started typing. (Crap, my coffee is still sitting below the Keurig... need to get that...). This book that I'm reviewing brings up different types of moms, and so many articles on the internet are written about the same thing. Some articles say there are 5 mom types, some say 6, some say 11.

When I saw my son's lunch sitting there and decided to do nothing about it, I briefly wondered what type of mom that made me. Then it hit me:

Why the hell are we moms put into categories?