Sunday, December 30, 2012

The World Ending, Christmas and Annoying Furbys... aka Tatted Mom's Holidays

For the past few years I've said I'm going to balance everything through the holidays, and every year I drop some balls somewhere. This year it was keeping you all entertained, and for that I apologize. I posted pictures and little tidbits over at the Inklings facebook page while I baked cookies or after opening presents on Christmas Day, but posts about the craziness of how my holidays pan out just didn't make the blog.

That just means y'all get an amazing rundown now of the epicness that is the holidays at Tatted Mom's house.

We celebrate Yule and Christmas. This year, Yule happened to fall on the Mayans End of the World Day. The Girl, who freaks out about this type of stuff (seriously, never mention a tornado, monsoon or tsunami around this child or she will go into panic mode- we've never been able to figure out her obsession with the weather or end of the world), was continuously checking the weather on the internet to see if the temperature was going to skyrocket to 2567 degrees and walking outside to see if the sky was a massive black cloud. What did Hubby and I do to help the situation?

Periodically yell 'HOLY CRAP is that a METEOR coming toward the house?' or turn off all the lights in the house at the same time and scream. Yeah, that's what happens when you have an irrational fear in my house. We use it against you. To some of you that may sound horrible, but I figure if a psychologist on that show 'Obsessed' can head into a guy's bathroom who has OCD and come out telling him she started her period while she was in there and got menstrual blood all over one of his hand towels and then make him put the hand towel to his face as a form of aversion therapy, then I can tell my daughter that the sky is turning black outside and laugh as she runs to the window, looks out, shoots me the Evil Eye and stomps upstairs to her room. Truth be told, she totally relaxed about it all as the day went on, so my tactics worked, thank you.

We woke up the next day, the 22nd, so the world didn't end. Good to know, right?

The massive baking I did this year...
Honestly, the days between Yule and Christmas Eve are a bit of a blur for me. There's lots of cleaning, lots of baking and lots of wine. Hubby keeps having me try different Moscatos so he can rate them on the wine app on his phone. He'll head to the store for ingredients for green bean casserole and come home with 3 bottles of Italian Moscato in tow... not that I'm complaining. I've come to love his wine app.

Christmas Eve is the big day in my house. We make a massive Christmas Eve meal, this year of ham (with my grape jelly glaze- try it!), scalloped potatoes, green bean casserole, cole slaw, cinnamon apples, devilled eggs and rolls. Lots of food, and a week later we still have ham. We probably won't want ham again until next Christmas Eve. Good grief.

That night we all open up one present. The kids got Christmas pajamas to put on, Hubby and I got a
cookbook and a Green Bay Packers apron and chef hat set... Hubby's, not mine. Then it's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas time and bed time.

This year was different. The Girl confessed that last year she found a receipt for something Santa had given her, so she's known since last Christmas that Hubby and I are the fat guy in the red suit. She asked to be a part of the after hours festivities, and we asked her to keep the dream alive for her little brother. Everyone agreed on all accounts, but in order to help keep the dream alive, she opted for heading to bed at the same time as The Ginger, because he begged all of us to go to sleep so Santa could arrive. By the time he was asleep, The Girl was asleep too, so we didn't wake her to help wrap and stuff stockings.

At 4:50 Christmas morning, the kids came bolting into the room, jumping up and down and tapping us on the shoulder to wake up. 4:50 is an acceptable time to wake up on Christmas morning in our house. We ventured out of bed, hit the brew button on the coffee pot (I thought ahead and filled the water tank and poured the coffee the night before), and let the kids have at Santa's presents and stockings. The Girl got a TV for her room, The Ginger a video camera so he could make his Lego movies, and everyone got enough candy for stomach aches for a while.

The kids, of course, were spoiled by not only Hubby and I but extended family as well this year. The Girl got a DVD player for her TV, movies, Twilight memorabilia, gift cards for clothes, art supplies and stuff for her bedroom. The Ginger got a scooter, video games, Zelda memorabilia, gift cards for clothes, art supplies and stuff for his bedroom. Hubby got a wallet, pajama pants and movies. I got expensive hooker spray (Burberry Brit perfume), a purse, slippers and an awesome tarot deck from my sister.

Christmas day for us is spent passing in and out of consciousness on the couch, watching movies, grabbing left over ham rolls or cookies, and playing with whatever toys were under the tree. Pretty lazy day, until The Girl asked if a friend of hers could spend the night. I couldn't understand why a mother would let her daughter head away from the house on Christmas, but I figured it didn't hurt anyone, so why not?

Worst. Decision. Ever.

As horrible as it sounds, I completely understand why the mom had no problem with her daughter spending Christmas night with us. This child never shuts up. When she's not talking, she's singing Jingle Bells, and when I put a stop to that, she made up songs to sing. And, she brought a Furby. Furbys were annoying when I was a kid, but they've made them ultra-annoying now. They say the stupidest things, and the company STILL has not installed an Off button on the damn things. As soon as the thing would fall asleep, the annoying child would carry it around like a baby saying, 'Shhhh, the Furby's finally asleep. No one wake it up.' My smart ass reply? 'Then how about you put it down and leave it alone so it doesn't wake up?' What did the child do? Put it on the stairs... the middle of the stairs... where the cats could get it... and wake it up... Effing Furbys.

We decided to take advantage of the after Christmas sales at Old Navy the next day, getting up at 7am to head to the mall and make the most of the kids' gift cards. Yes, the annoying child went with us, and yes, I tried numerous times to have them play The Silent Game or jinx them so they all had to stay quiet. It worked for like 5 minutes, then that child was back to telling us that her mom rolls doubles every time they play monopoly, or that she, at the age of 10, has seen every single episode of South Park. I quit calling bullshit with the stories that came out of her mouth when I realized that pretty much everything she said was a lie. She's 10, I understand it, but it doesn't mean I could tolerate it. As bad as it sounds, when that child finally left our house after having been our guest for over 24 hours straight, I told The Girl she wasn't to invite her over for a sleepover again. The Girl happily agreed.

Lots of relaxing, family game time (Monopoly Millionaire is AWESOME!), watching TV shows and tackling the Orange Beast (aka reupholstering the orange chair I got for $16) has filled my days since Christmas, and as of yet we have no plans for New Year's. I'm sure I'll just get very acquainted with new bottles of Moscato that Hubby wants rated for his wine app. New Year's resolutions for me are being finalized, and I plan to post them here soon. And yes, one of them is to entertain you all more!

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas, got everything they wanted and stayed away from headaches and stress. And I seriously hope no one bought a damn Furby this year. The company needs to have a plummet in sales so they quit thinking it's a good idea to bring those annoying bastards back, this time with a vocabulary that includes 'OMG' and 'Like... Hello?' I've never wanted to take a hammer to a toy so badly in my life, and it wasn't even ours.

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  1. First of all, Moscato is my friend. Like BFFF or whatever it is kids are calling it now. Second of all, Furbys are the toy equivalent of the Kardashian sisters. I'm glad you had an awesome season with your family, we had a "Little House on the Prairie" Christmas as both of us responsible adults forgot to fill the propane tank. It was like we were Amish but with more profanity and more alcohol abuse. Any hoo, I hope all y'all have a fantabulous New Year!

    1. Alcohol keeps you warm though, right? Or makes it to where you don't care you forgot to fill the propane tank, lol.

  2. I'm glad my parents never did that with my irrational fear. Mind you, I'm afraid of execution, so appearing at the end of my bed holding a noose would probably be a bit too much anyway.

    1. I almost peed my pants,laughing so hard at your reply. Thank you for that!! ;)

  3. Damn Furbys. I told my step daughter I was going to through it to the dogs outside if she woke it up again. A bit dramatic? yes, but she finally let it sleep. I'm so glad you guys had a wonderful Christmas!!! We played the Dr Dreadful board game and the game of "Life". I was hoping the kids would ask for Monopoly Millionaire! I wanted to play that one, but I guess brains and guts will do.

    1. Not dramatic at all, I see it as completely warranted, lol. Definitely get Monopoly Millionaire. It's worth it!

  4. Oh god, have you seen that "Doomsday Preppers" show? You should get the parental controls goin' on that shit so your kid doesn't get ideas. Hehe.

    My kid is after a Furby with her xmas gift cards. If you saw my blog, we hit four stores locally and those little furry fucks are GONE. Thank goodness. I hope she finds one while visiting her dad this week, and the Furby can live at his house.

    Glad you had a good xmas, friend! Those Zombie Cards look rad! xoxoxo

    1. I have not even heard of 'Doomsday Preppers'. I will definitely be googling that, because Hubby is all wanting to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse. I think it's just an excuse to get cool things like guns, ammo and water purification tablets, but whatever, lol.

      Dammit, now the Furby company is going to make more. Great, lol. And yes, let it live at the ex's house. Most definitely. ;)