Thursday, October 11, 2012

Add Police Detective to the Ever-Growing List of Mom Jobs

We moms are teachers, doctors, psychologists, chauffeurs, housekeepers, organizers, chefs and so much more.

I'm growing the 70s 'stache, too!
Courtesy of Party With This
It's time to now add Police Detective to that list.

I walked into the kitchen the other night to find a gallon of milk sitting on the counter. Thank goodness it was still cold, which means it hadn't been out for very long. I yelled out, "Hey, who left the milk out on the counter?"

The Ginger: "Not me."
The Girl: "Not me."
Hubby: "You know I didn't do it."

Hmmm. I understand that my kids drive me crazy many times, but I really didn't think I had hit the not-realizing-I-was-the-one-who-left-the-milk-out-but-not-remembering stage of crazy yet. I guess now I was going to have to CSI that shit to see who left the milk out. I looked around to find a half filled or empty cup of milk.

No cup of milk.

Okay, so if the culprit didn't take the milk out of the fridge to get a glass of milk, then they took the milk out of the fridge to get to something else in the fridge. I flung open the fridge door and saw a big hole on the top shelf where the milk usually sits. In that hole was a pitcher of green kool-aid.

I returned the milk to its rightful place and began searching for a cup of green kool-aid. On the dining room table sat a child's cup, empty. I raced to the cup to find the remnants of green kool-aid in the bottom.

"Whose cup is this?" I asked, holding up the cup.

The Ginger and The Girl both froze, eyes as wide as saucers. Not a word came out of either of their mouths. So, they were going to play the Siblings Card, huh? They ban together as brother and sister and then Mom can't figure out which one committed the crime. Not in my house. I'm too slick for that.

I walked right up to both of the kids, and got very close to them. They continued to remain frozen like statues, and that's when I saw it... a slight green tinge to The Girl's lips.

"Stick out your tongues, NOW!" I said. Too freaked out to even know what was going on, the kids both stuck their tongues out. The Ginger's was a normal pink color. The Girl's? Bright green.

Me (looking at The Girl): "So, you wanted some kool-aid, headed to the fridge, took the milk out, put it on the counter, got your cup of kool-aid, put that back in the fridge but forgot about the milk on the counter, huh?"
The Girl (looking shocked): "Ohhhhhhh, yeah. I did take the milk out. Sorry, Mom."

All was forgiven, as I was just on cloud 9 about solving the Mystery of the Counter Milk.

Courtey of CSI Alliance
When you see all of the jobs listed that moms do, you never see Police Detective on that list, which is a shame. Especially if you have more than one child, I'd say it's probably once a day that we moms have to collect clues and evidence to figure out what really happened during a certain situation or incident. Kids hardly ever take the blame for any wrong they do, out of fear of punishment, so even the simplest things (like who left the milk out on the counter) can immediately turn into a full-on investigation.

My favorite scenario is when both kids come hauling ass out to me with tears in their eyes saying their sibling hit them first. Well, it's highly unlikely that they hit each other at the exact same time to both be the one who hit first, so that means that one of them is lying and one of them is telling the truth. We moms don't even need a polygraph machine to get the truth out. We have our ways.

So, chalk it up now, Moms- you have another hat to wear- Police Detective. This hat is one of my favorites, though. It's fun to collect evidence and then slap it down in front of your kids. Their mouths drop open and they wonder how in the world you figured it out. Don't go into details and give away our secrets. Simply say,

"I'm your mom- I know EVERYTHING you do."

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  1. *Laughs* Genius!! My mum was the same. You couldn't put anything past her.

  2. Love your blog! it makes me happy. thanks for sharing this funny!

  3. Hilarious!I was at the edge of my seat trying to figure out who did it! I can so relate!