Friday, September 21, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse is Coming Soon! Grab Your Pads and Tampons!

Even the CDC knows the Zombie Apocalypse is
coming. But they failed to add pads and tampons to
their emergency kit list. Picture is courtesy of the
CDC Blog on preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse
Okay, Inklingers, I'm letting you all know now- the Zombie Apocalypse is right around the corner, so start preparing. How do I know this? Because I dreamt it last night.

Don't click away just yet, rolling your eyes. I've never told y'all about my freaky dreams. Over the years, I've had dreams that ended up coming true. It takes a few months for it to happen, and I'll completely forget about the dream, but then the event I dreamt about actually happens, and it will trigger the dream immediately.

So, with that said, the Zombie Apocalypse is coming. I'd say it is going to start around the end of October, beginning of November, because in the dream, we had just gotten our house on base (which is due to happen at the time stated above). We were still living out of boxes, trying to unpack, and decided to have a cookout/help us unpack party. So we can deduce that the Zombie Apocalypse will begin on a weekend, as well.

I will let y'all know now, these are not the 'Shaun of the Dead' zombies, either, that walk slower than molasses and aren't very scary. These are the 'Dawn of the Dead' zombies that see you, run toward you, and make you piss your pants because you can feel that they want to tear you to shreds. Sorry to inform y'all of that, I was hoping for the 'Shaun of the Dead' zombies, as well.

Anyway, shortly after we started this cookout, the Zombie Apocalypse began. They shut the base down, no one in and no one out, and when several of our neighbors were infected, yes, we had to kill them. In the dream, we survived a night or two in the house, and when it seemed like things were safe, some of our
neighbors we had banned together with came and told us that they were heading to the middle of the base where supposedly there was a safe house set up. Hubby told me to go pack very quickly so we could leave.

What in the hell do you pack when the Zombie Apocalypse begins? Well, according to my dream, you pack 2-3 outfits for each person, all of the knives in the house, food staples that carry well, and when I was in the bathroom grabbing miscellaneous medicines and tampons, that's when I get questioned. Hubby came in, saw me shoving tampons and pads into the book bag, and said, "Really? Do you need to pack that stuff?" 

My blood began to boil. I looked up at him, gave him the worst evil eye ever and said, "Yes, we women need pads and tampons, thank you. It's the Apocalypse- they aren't going to be making any more pads and tampons, but that won't stop my period from coming. I want to have the convenience of pads and tampons while I can, before I have to start shoving old shirts in my underwear because the world has used up all of the pads and tampons. Plus, I'm thinking ahead. When we have to start this world over again, using the barter system because money is obsolete, my pads and tampons will be worth a damn goat. So, unless you want to be poor and have nothing to barter with, I suggest you leave me alone while I finish packing."

At that point, a few zombies rushed into the house, so thank goodness Hubby left me alone to go kill them. Clothes, food, meds, knives, pads and tampons packed, we left the house.

And that's when I woke up. Bummer, I know.

But at least y'all have been warned. You know when the Zombie Apocalypse is beginning, and can prepare beforehand. That means heading to your grocery store and stocking up on pads and tampons, because apparently they are worth goats when we have to start the world over.

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  1. Crap... maybe I should stop buying the generic stuff, if it's about to become currency!

    1. I think you'll be okay. When the Apocalypse begins, a tampon is a tampon. As long as it hasn't been open or used, it's fine, LMAO!