Friday, September 28, 2012

Momma's Law (An Ink Blots Post)

First day of Fall Break for my kids, I turned the alarm clock off last night so that I could sleep in, and it just so happened that when Hubby kissed me goodbye at 5:15am on his way to work, I woke up... and haven't been able to get  back to sleep since.

I gave up the fight, trudged off to the kitchen to make coffee, so I could have some Mom Time of peace and quiet before the kids woke up, and there is The Ginger sitting in the dark, on the sofa, playing his Gameboy (yes, we still have those). Not even 6am yet.

This is the same child that I have to practically jump on his bed to get him up on school mornings at 6:15am. But here he was, first day of Fall Break, sitting on the couch, playing video games before the sun had even thought about coming up.

Irony doesn't do well with me before I've had my coffee, thank you.

I've come to realize there is something out there much more powerful, and more prevalent than Murphy's Law, which states, Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

It's Momma's Law, which states, Whatever a child can do to mess up plans, a child will do to mess up plans.

So, here I am, on my spot on the couch, cup of fresh coffee, catching up on several writing assignments, passing around the word that my 5 Things Stay-at-Home Moms Do Not Sign on For post is being featured on Blogher today, and answering emails, I'm listening to:

"No. Yes! Come ON, MARIO, jump! Yes! Noooooooo, don't hit me with that lightning bolt. Yes! Gotcha, sucker!"

And I will remind you that it's not even 7 in the morning yet. So much for quiet Mom Time, huh? Good grief, this Fall Break is going to last forever...

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Thursday, September 27, 2012

This Little Piggy Went... The Hell Away From Me Before I Cut it Off

Okay, Inklingers, every once in a while I have to switch things up a little. Usually I write about parenting issues, or funny stories about something my kids did. Today's post is all about me... and my weird anti-fetish. It's time I get this out... seriously.

I was perusing facebook last night and a picture popped up in my news feed that almost made me vomit. I can't believe that I'm about to repost this picture, especially on my blog, but I really do need to face this, and what better way to do it than on the internet, with tons of witnesses, on a public blog, right? So here it goes....

The picture....

Picture courtesy of

Oh good grief I can't believe this is on my blog.

Many of y'all see how a person turned a small foot deformity into a cute joke. 

I see horror... on so many levels. 

I have an anti-fetish. I'm not sure if that term even exists, but that's what I have. It's an anti-fetish about feet. I can't stand them. Feet are horrible. They are ugly, gross, scary, and disgusting. That's all feet, mind you. I don't discriminate between men and women's feet, don't care what color your skin is, or how old you are... 

Except for babies. Babies' feet are cute. I will kiss all over a baby's feet until they start walking on them. Then, their feet instantly turn into these warped things created by the devil.

I know why I have this horrible anti-fetish about feet. No, I don't have a horror story from when I was a child of my foot getting caught in railroad tracks while the train was coming or anything like that. That would make my explanation a hell of a lot more understanding then what I'm about to say now...

I hate feet because they don't make sense. Yeah, you read that right. Feet, in my opinion, defy all laws of nature, and because of this, they weird me out worse than anything else in this world. To me, they are freaks of nature like snakes. Snakes have no legs and yet they move- not natural. Feet are, at the most, about 12 inches long, 6 inches wide, and can hold upright a 7 foot tall person, perfectly balanced and they don't fall on their face?

Get the fuck out of town. Seriously. Nothing about feet makes sense. There should be no way on this green Earth that 2 things as small as feet can even uphold a huge body, much less make it walk around. It's

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

5 Things Stay-At-Home Moms Do Not Sign On For

About 3 months ago I became a stay-at-home mom again. I've been one before. Heck, I've been everything before- a working mom, a single mom, a single working mom, a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home mom, a mom who took her kids to work with her; I'm pretty sure I've been in almost every angle of the stay at home mom vs. working mom debate, and even created a new angle or two from which to view it.

Bottom line: I love being a stay-at-home mom. I do "work" during the day while the kids are at school- various things that make money and save us money, but essentially I'm a stay-at-home mom. I love being with my kids, watching them grow and develop and being an integral part of their lives.

There are some things, though, that I did not sign on for as a stay-at-home mom (unfortunately, puke, piss and crap are things we do sign on for when becoming a stay at home mom- the kids' stuff, that is). No stay-at-home mom signs on for these things, but many of them just end up happening anyway. Well, not anymore. I'm here to lay it all out on the line, let people know that even though we are stay-at-home moms, there are things that were not included in this hidden contract that we signed... Don't go trying to add them now!

5 Things Stay-at-Home Moms Do Not Sign on For

  1. Becoming a Maid. We signed on to become a housekeeper, yes, but not a maid. In my opinion, there's a huge difference. A housekeeper cleans the house, picks up general mess, gets down in the dirty every now and then with scrubbing and cleaning like hell, etc. A maid picks up after every person in the house and does what you tell them to without asking questions. I'm no maid, thank you. Shoes left in the middle of the floor will be vacuumed around until you can get home from work/school to pick them up from  the middle of the floor. I do not throw dirty socks into the laundry unless they are my own. Any clothes that did not make it into the clothes basket before laundry day will not get washed. It's everyone's responsibility in this house to pick up after themselves and make sure what they need done is easily accessible for me. I will cover the main stuff in the house, but do not offer personalized service. Sorry, if you want that, hire a maid or personal assistant.
  2. Becoming Martha Stewart. I'll admit now, there are times in my life when I do channel Martha Stewart; I'll bake some amazing cookies or cakes, experiment with dinner and prepare something out of the ordinary, or decide to finally organize a section of the house and clean the hell out of it as well. But do not expect these things on a regular basis. That's not what we stay at home moms do. We

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Posy Lane Personalized Tote Bag Review

When I was asked to review a product from Posy Lane, I was ecstatic! Their products are absolutely adorable, and you can personalize them for an even more special touch.

When I started looking through their site, The Girl came up and looked over my shoulder.

"Mom, I want a purse! Can I have one, please?"

How could I resist? She chose the Aqua Seersucker Everything Tote, which I couldn't be happier about because I was curious as to what in the heck 'seersucker' was anyway. We had an 'S' personalized onto her bag (though you can have a full name put on), and emailed the company our order.
Personalized Tote Bags by Posy Lane
It came within a few days. I was surprised at how fast it shipped. As soon as The Girl opened the package, I knew we had gotten an amazing product. Her eyes lit up, and knowing my love of purses and bags, she took the bag and ran to her room, screaming, "You can't have it, Mom, it's MINE!!!"

It's at that moment that I knew I wanted it. So what, my name doesn't start with 'S'? It could stand for 'Super Mom' or 'Sexy'. I was determined to figure out how to make it mine.

Personalized Tote Bag by Posy Lane
Now let me tell y'all, when a company sends me something to review, my family and I review it. We put that product nearly through hell and back, because I'm going to give the most honest product review possible. The Girl toted her things around in this bag for about a week- Tennis shoes, clothes, books, art supplies- just about everything she could fit into it, which, let me tell you, was a lot. These tote bags are roomy (see my picture below), at 16"x13"x4". And this seersucker fabric? Awesome! It's soft but durable, machine washable, and the inside is lined, as well. It has rope handles which took all of the flinging of the bag we did and held up just fine. And when we weren't using it, I just folded it up and set it aside. Pretty amazing.

After a week or so, I stole the bag. I had to review it myself, after all, right? That's when I jam packed it with stuff for my car- My 2" couponing binder and our library books that we had just gotten (like my 'Mean Moms Rule' book? Ha!). There was still room to put more stuff in that bag. I was in heaven!

Currently, The Girl and I are in battle over who gets to keep the bag permanently. I'm sooooo trying to pull the 'Mom' card, but when she pulls the 'You always get stuff to review' card, I feel kind of guilty. We trade off for the moment. Fingers crossed I'll win.

Posy Lane is amazing. The personalized tote bag they sent me is durable, cute as a button, and was used by the 10 year old and me. These bags are priced lower than I've seen them anywhere else, which is great. Head over there and check them out!

*This review is completely my opinion, and I was not paid for this review by anyone. The product was sent to me for free to review, but the opinions posted here are mine and mine alone. Y'all should know that I'm going to be 100% honest about things I review and that no company can buy my opinion!

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Friday, September 21, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse is Coming Soon! Grab Your Pads and Tampons!

Even the CDC knows the Zombie Apocalypse is
coming. But they failed to add pads and tampons to
their emergency kit list. Picture is courtesy of the
CDC Blog on preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse
Okay, Inklingers, I'm letting you all know now- the Zombie Apocalypse is right around the corner, so start preparing. How do I know this? Because I dreamt it last night.

Don't click away just yet, rolling your eyes. I've never told y'all about my freaky dreams. Over the years, I've had dreams that ended up coming true. It takes a few months for it to happen, and I'll completely forget about the dream, but then the event I dreamt about actually happens, and it will trigger the dream immediately.

So, with that said, the Zombie Apocalypse is coming. I'd say it is going to start around the end of October, beginning of November, because in the dream, we had just gotten our house on base (which is due to happen at the time stated above). We were still living out of boxes, trying to unpack, and decided to have a cookout/help us unpack party. So we can deduce that the Zombie Apocalypse will begin on a weekend, as well.

I will let y'all know now, these are not the 'Shaun of the Dead' zombies, either, that walk slower than molasses and aren't very scary. These are the 'Dawn of the Dead' zombies that see you, run toward you, and make you piss your pants because you can feel that they want to tear you to shreds. Sorry to inform y'all of that, I was hoping for the 'Shaun of the Dead' zombies, as well.

Anyway, shortly after we started this cookout, the Zombie Apocalypse began. They shut the base down, no one in and no one out, and when several of our neighbors were infected, yes, we had to kill them. In the dream, we survived a night or two in the house, and when it seemed like things were safe, some of our

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Do You Have a Stick Up Your Ass? Check Here to Find Out!!

I couldn't resist. I have been dealing with so many people with sticks up their asses, I decided to make a clear, concise chart for everyone to check and see if they, or anyone they know, have a stick up their ass. Feel free to share this chart with your friends and family, just please make sure to not alter it or steal it- credit it back to this site!

Fingers crossed none of y'all have sticks up your asses. If so, there are directions on how to deal with it included in the chart.

Stick In Ass Chart- click the image to make it bigger,
and if you decide to use this image, please credit and link back to this site.
Stealing is just wrong.

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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Middle School Meanies (Guest Post)

Hey y'all, it's Tatted Mom. Today I have asked Nikki over at Dysfunctional Dose to write a guest post for Inklings. Make sure to head to her site and show her some love when you are done reading her post here today!  ~Tatted Mom

Hi Everyone!

My name is Nikki. I am the slightly insane Author of  Dysfunctional Dose. I am a Yankee born, southern livin' Mother to 3 beautiful pain in the a** children. I have 2 tweens (1 with special needs) and 1 teenage eye rolling drama queen! My kids are my life. Writing is my passion. I finally feel like I have found a way to laugh through this messy dysfunctional life that I have! I have a very serious Diet Coke addiction and an equally serious potty mouth. Please do not try and correct either one of those things. I am who I am, and I'm finally taking pride in that. Like me for me or don't like me at all. ;)

When the freakishly talented artist and writer here at The Inklings of Life asked me to guest blog, I almost tinkled in my pants a little from excitement! (I've had 3 kids so, sadly that was serious.) This means it is 100% acceptable for me to chime in on one of her recent posts: Gossip Ring at Age 10? What? and not get in any trouble for it?! Well then, I'm all in! I think almost everyone can relate to that post. This age made such an impact on me that I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I also remember a couple of road blocks we crashed into when my oldest daughter was 10.

Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth grades seem to be the time when everyone starts forming their groups in the social scene. In Fourth grade, my daughter was still pretty new here in Texas because we had just moved here from Chicago at the end of 3rd grade. She talked fast and still had the strong northern accent. She pretty much talked like a New Yawka through her nose! It's not a very good situation in the south at all. So, when she asked to do the Talent Show with a group of girls, I was excited for her that she was starting to make friends. They made plans to get together on the weekends to practice. One night at dinner I asked if everyone was still getting together. She told me she didn't think they were even doing the Talent Show anymore because two of the girls were fighting.

I said, "Oh really, How come?"

She answered, "Because Mary sent a text message to someone saying that Janie gave someone a "BJ" in the bathroom. It got forwarded to almost everyone in the school and Janie is mad."



I'm sorry.

What did you say?!

First of all, let me remind you that she was 10. TEN. Let me also add that she actually said both words, and she said it like it was an every day phrase we use all the time. My husband and I were both present for this. If our reaction would have been taped and put on You Tube, we would be rich right now.

When I could finally get my words to come to the surface I asked "Thing 1, can you tell me what that is please? I'm not sure if we are thinking it's the same thing." She answered, "I think it means they kissed."
Whew!! One point for the Parents! Our 10 year old does not know what a BJ is!

I said, "No honey, it's not. It's an adult sexual act that should never be coming out of the mouths of 10 year old girls. I do not want you to be involved in speaking about this ever again. That is horrible that someone started a rumor like that. If you hear people talking about it, I want you to walk away."

It only took me a minute to get on the phone with the principal and schedule a meeting to talk to him the next day.

What happens during this age that makes middle schoolers such meanies?! I am just starting my 3rd time going through this extra special phase. I've said before that it's as if my sweet innocent boy was eaten by the 5th grade hallway monster. When they spit him back out, they gave me a dragon breath sour puss! Boys suddenly think a little peach fuzz makes them as tough as The Macho Man Randy Savage! Girls suddenly think because they got a cute little training bra that means it's a contest to see who can be a bigger witch?! This is when the eye rolling starts. The attitudes are sour. The testing begins. In front of parents they still throw hissy fits like a toddler. In front of their peers they are tough sh*t!

Unfortunately, I can't say it gets better in junior high. In fact, it will reach a level close to insanity. I will say, if you play your cards right, by the time they are in the middle of high school things will get slightly better. For middle school and junior high there is only one way to control the madness. I have tried everything else. Don't waste your time. In this type of situation it's wiser to use the last resort first.

Tape their dang mouths shut!! Just for 4 years. Freedom of speech in the age group doesn't even exist!!

What's that you say?! This is abuse?? I never once said tape their nose. I'm not saying to punch them in the throat. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD....IT'S TAPE! It's not going to hurt. It will however, stop the chronic diarrhea of the mouth! It's a brilliant idea because you will come out looking like the best mom ever when it also saves them from losing friends. If everyone would do this, the whole world would be better! This entire age group just can't seem to shut their mouths! I wish I would have thought about this sooner. Then, maybe my Thing 1 wouldn't have had to learn things the hard way. I think she finally got the picture that it's wiser to think before you speak during her freshman year of high school when a fellow classmate showed her where you put your fist when someone won't stop running their mouth!

(Don't worry. Mama Bear handled business with this little situation, and I am NOT a mama you care to mess with. I really don't care what she said. That doesn't give you the right to hit her.)

As parents it is our job to teach these kids early on what traits make you a good friend and when you need to move on. I'll never figure out why girls are so mean, but these are the years you have to show her who's really Queen! If we all take care of business at home then maybe school will be a funner place to go!

Thank you so much for joining me today! Also, a HUGE thank you to the host for allowing me to guest post! If you want to read more of my crazy stories head on over to my blog at Grab a cocktail and stay for a while! While you're there feel free to make a toast!


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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

10 Reasons I'm Glad We Can't Procreate Anymore

I love kids. If I didn't love kids, I wouldn't have had any. I love my 2 kids with all my heart, but I get asked every now and then if I think I'll ever have any more kids. My answer? Hell no.

First off, Hubby and I can't have any more kids. I'll leave y'all guessing as to which one of us had some alterations done, but the bottom line is the two of us, as a couple, have procreated all that we can procreate. And I think I speak for the both of us when I say, 'Thank goodness.'

When I pick the kids up from school each afternoon, I sit and people watch the other moms there picking up their children. Many of them have multiple kids, and many of them have multiple kids under the age of the child they are at the elementary school to pick up.

No thank you.

As y'all know, my kids are 10 and 7 (though The Ginger will be 8 here in a few months). The Ginger is always begging for a little brother or sister (usually when he's mad at his big sister for, well, being a big sister), and while we tell him that we can't have kids anymore, there is that small part of me that sighs the 'Maybe I do want another gorgeous little baby' sigh.

Then I watch these other moms at the school and pull myself back into the reality of being thankful I don't have to go through that anymore.

So here it is: 10 Reasons I'm Glad We Can't Procreate Anymore:

  1. Diapers. You know that feeling when you are walking through a store and you all of a sudden smell something funky, and the thought hits you, 'Crap, I need to go change my kid'? Yeah, me either anymore. I haven't had to change a poopy diaper in 5 years, and it's been amazing. When I clip coupons and I see the $2 Off Pampers or $3 Off Huggies Big Box, I get to keep on flipping through, with a smile on my face. My kids can wipe their own asses, and it feels great.
  2. Midnight Feedings. If my kids decide at midnight that they are hungry and want to eat, they can walk to the pantry themselves and grab a granola bar. No need getting up, stumbling through the dark, fixing a bottle or getting situated to latch a kid onto me. My sleep is my own. Yes, I'm still on duty if a nightmare wakes one of my kids up, but as far as someone needing me for sustenance? My job is done!
  3. Trying to Figure Out Crying. I have no more of hearing a kid cry and change it... Nope, still crying. Feed it... Nope, still crying. Rock it... Nope, still crying. Sing to it... Nope, still crying. If one of my kids start crying, it can be quite simple: "What's wrong?" "Sissy hit me.""Are you hurt?" "Nope." "Did you hit her first?" "Nope." "Did you deserve it?" "I don't think so." "Then hit her back." "Okay." Problem solved.
  4. Naps. It never failed. You put the kid into his or her car seat just to drive 5 minutes up the road, and the kid is asleep when you get to your destination. So now you have a sleepy kid on your hands that you have to pick up and lug around, even if you just needed to run to the store to get milk. Then the child inevitably wakes up when you touch them, in a bad mood of course because they only slept for 5

Friday, September 14, 2012

Lazy Mom

Every now and then I look back at past posts to get a feel of any trends of subject matter or post type that I do. Between the My Biggest Parenting Pet Peeve post,  Get Involved or Mind Your Business, and the more recent Potty Training In Public? Utah Mom Thinks it's Okay, I'm definitely seeing a social trend...

Lazy parenting.

Is this something that's always been around, I just never really noticed it until I became a mom myself? Is it on the rise in recent years more so than in the past? Or is it just that thanks to social media and being able to pass information quickly to one another and to the masses, that stupid and lazy parenting acts are being spread around faster and to more people as soon as they happen?

When I start to put together puzzles like this, I always end up looking at myself in regards to the subject. Am I a lazy parent? Can I write a post about lazy parenting and not be considered a hypocrite for doing so? Am I one step away from having an interaction with my kids displayed all over youtube or facebook? Fingers crossed I'm not, but if I were to be completely honest with myself, then yeah...

I'm often a lazy mom.

I don't base my comparison on other moms around me or moms we see making stupid mistakes (like the subject matters of the 3 posts above). Instead, I base my comparison on my own childhood.

As a child, my parents always tucked me into bed at night. If I ended up falling asleep on the couch or floor while watching a movie, they woke me up, helped me into my room, pulled the covers up and over me, and tucked me in. Kiss to the forehead, a 'Good night, sweet dreams' and they were done.

Many nights in my house, I don't even realize my kids have voluntarily gone to bed. We'll be watching a movie and when it's done, I'll look around to find that Hubby and I are the only ones awake, The Ginger is asleep in the chair, and The Girl is gone. She has this habit of not saying a word, just getting up, going to her room, laying down and passing out. I've asked her time and time again to at least say, 'Good night, I'm going to bed,' but she doesn't do it. Other nights Hubby and I tell the kids to climb into bed and we'll be there in a second to tuck them in, and, well... we forget. We get so caught up in the quietness of the house that we ask a few minutes later, 'Where are the kids?' By the time we get back to their rooms, they are passed out.

I have a second point of comparison for you. As a child, I remember the Tooth Fairy coming on time, when I

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Let the Halloween Shopping Begin!

Halloween is my favorite time of year. Everyone gets to dress up in crazy costumes, kids get free candy, and you get to eat things like brains and eyeballs at a party and not have anyone stare at you funny. Halloween is about fun and frights.

One of my favorite things to do is decorate my yard. We usually go with a cemetery scene, complete with graves, random bones lying everywhere, sometimes a decapitated head, spider webs and I've done a fog machine in the past. Kids don't know whether to run from the house or brave the yard to get the best candy ever (I always splurge on the candy).

I've done Halloween parties once or twice, too, and love to bake the cute cupcakes and horror shaped cookies, have the puke green punch in a witch's cauldron punch bowl, and make pigs in a blanket look like fingers.

When I found Costume Express, I fell in love. This company has just about everything you need for yard decorating, party supplies, and of course- costumes. The prices are amazing, and if you look at the banner at the top of their site, there are great coupon codes that can get you things like Free Shipping or savings on your purchase.

Photos courtesy of Costume Express
This company has a shower curtain that looks like the scene from Psycho, and plays the creepy knife-stabbing music... genius, and creepy as hell. They have window clings that look like mummies, that scared

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

An Open Letter to the Anonymous Hackers

Dear Anonymous Hackers,

Courtesy of Wikipedia
Yesterday, you set your sights on in order to test how secure cyber security really is. Well played, you had me scared for a little while. More than scared, you had me pissed off, because apparently many of the websites I attend on a daily basis were hosted by GoDaddy and affected by this hack.

I googled you, Anonymous. Your organization (though having no leader, no form of communication, no organization at all) has taken responsibility for the Playstation Network outage of 2011, the Church of Scientology website hack of 2008, the hacking of Sarah Palin's personal email account in 2008, the hacking of the Vatican website earlier this year, and have immersed yourselves in various political sabotage attempts in third world countries over the years. All pretty impressive, inconvenience people greatly and some were amusing, none of these were at all helpful, Anonymous.

I currently am in debt... majorly in debt. See, I owned a New Age store in the Bible Belt for a few years that inevitably went under and took with it... my credit score. I'm just throwing this idea out there... how about hack into something like, say, the central database for debt collectors, and remove my name from their list? Remove my name and 1,000,000 other people's names in an effort to Stick it to The Man like you all like to do so well. The other 999,999 names (besides mine) can of course, be random, or take some of y'alls names off the list... I'm sure many of you are in debt to computer supply companies. Hell, even pay off that Best Buy card that you've racked up buying various World of Warcraft games and XBox games (because it's clear you all don't like Playstation), or those stylish Guy Fawkes masks you wear to protests.

Why do this, Anonymous? It would cause debt collectors to crumble, big businesses to fear their records

Monday, September 10, 2012

Freefly's and Swagbucks- Questions Answered

Quick post for those who have been emailing me. I've been asked lately where I get my free samples from, if there's a catch to them, which sites are spam and which aren't, and what else I do to earn free stuff. Below are 2 of the sites I head to just about every day.

Click picture to sign up for a FREE freefly's account!
The first one is Freefly's. It's the easiest place to go for free samples. They are categorized by food, beauty, kids, health, etc, and they give you the direct link to each free sample, and explain what (if anything) you have to do to get them. Some of them you just sign up for a newsletter, some of them you just put in your info to get the sample. The samples come directly from the companies themselves (for example, I got a free sample of Hugo's new cologne for men, and it came directly from Hugo). Through this site I've gotten free samples of Planter's peanut butter, Hugo and Lacoste cologne, Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner, Eucerin lotion, Purex laundry detergent, Nescafe coffee, and so much more. Samples start rolling in about 2-3 weeks after you sign up, and many of them are accompanied by coupons. Amazing site, indeed (and definitely NOT spam)! Free to sign up for an account, and I believe you can do it with your facebook (it's been so long that I've been a member).

Click the picture to sign up for a FREE Swagbucks account!
Y'all have heard me mention the surveys I do and stuff- I do them through Swagbucks. Basically, with Swagbucks, you earn their bucks for doing things like completing surveys, checking out offers from companies, answering polls, surfing the internet, etc, and you can trade those bucks in for merchandise or gift cards. Hubby and I decided to do this as a way to buy Christmas presents for the kids. So far I've earned a $50 Amazon gift card, and I've only been doing Swagbucks for about a month. It's easy to sign up for an account, and free, so you can give them a try and see what you think!

There you have it! I know I replied to those who emailed me with this info, but I have been getting messaged about it so much lately, I figured a post was warranted. It's free to check both of these sites out, so go ahead and see what they are all about.

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Fall Break??? (Ink Blots Post)

I just found out that my kids have a Fall Break in less than a month.

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I had 2 college students.

This Fall Break is the first week of October, which actually starts for them on the last Friday of September. They have over a week off of school, and this comes after the week where they get out every day at 11 am for Parent/Teacher Conferences.

This school system is really starting to piss me off.

What school under college level has a Fall Break? Fall Break has always been the day before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving and the day after Thanksgiving for me when I was growing up. What's this crap of it being in October, and an entire week? This is absolutely new territory for me. I couldn't understand why the other moms at the PTO meeting were saying that this current fundraiser would last until the 21st, which would give the kids one week to get the fundraiser packets back before Fall Break.

I honestly just thought they couldn't read a calendar correctly. Oops.

I understand that budget cuts have run rampant in our educational system. But how are my kids supposed to benefit at all when the school day is only from 7:40am to 1:55pm every day except every Wednesday, where they get out at 12:55pm? I had to go from 7:40am to 3:05pm. They start school at the beginning of August just to get a week out in the beginning of October... how about we just don't have the kids start school on August 2nd, when it's 152 degrees here in Arizona, and we omit this unnecessary Fall Break? My kids aren't burned out yet. They don't need a week break to wreck my nerves. Make them wait until the week of Thanksgiving to have a break like I did growing up, and everyone else had to. It builds character.

The state of the education system is getting ridiculous. I'm not completely sure if it's the budget cuts that are to blame, or society babying this new generation. All that would have needed to happen is for one kid somewhere to say they needed a break in October and the parents sued the school system for not giving little Billy a break after 2 months of school. It's ridiculous.

And as a result, I'm going to be driven crazy by my kids the first week of October. Yay! How fun is that?!

Not if I can help it. We'll have an intensive week of art lessons and reading... quietly... in their rooms... maybe with some survival lessons thrown in... "Mommy's in her blog writing time of the day... you know, when y'all are supposed to be in school? Figure out lunch for yourselves."

Yeah, I'm mentally preparing myself now.

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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Potty Training in Public? Utah Mom Thinks It's Okay

Friday morning, the morning radio show I listen to covered a story that made my jaw drop.

A woman was enjoying her lunch at a deli in Utah, and happened to look over to a nearby table where a mom and her twin girls were sitting. At first, Kimberly Decker thought the girls were sitting on a booster seat. When she really looked at things, she realized the girls were sitting on potty-training chairs, with their pants pulled down, and were using the potties, in public, as they ate...

Utah Potty Training Child, picture courtesy of
Mojo In the Morning
Yeah, you read that right. Decker immediately took a picture and posted it on her facebook, and wrote about it on her family blog. Both the facebook picture and her blog post have since been removed, but it was too late- the picture and the story made its way around the internet. To date, the woman, and her children, have yet to be identified.

The deli received several complaints about the potty training child, but the mom and her kids had already left before the staff was made aware of it. From what the morning show reported, health services was contacted about the incident, but no violations were going to be filed against the restaurant because it wasn't their fault.

Now that all of the facts are out of the way, let's get to the good stuff...

What in the hell is wrong with people nowadays? What in the world would possess a mother to strip her child down naked in a public restaurant and have the child use the potty while eating?

While initially I bestowed The Laziest Mom Award to this mother, I had to take it back. This woman, while yes, lazy enough to not actually take her children to the bathroom in a public place, had to take the potty chairs out of the car, drag them into the restaurant and set them up, instead of just taking her child to the bathroom and putting her on a real toilet. So, the woman isn't technically lazy.

What she is, without a doubt, is inconsiderate, disgusting, selfish, disrespectful and yes, I seriously doubt the quality of her parenting ability.

I understand, as mothers, we are not supposed to judge other mothers, but come on. If this woman is going to strip her kids naked in a restaurant and have them fill a potty at the table, she's asking for people to stick their noses in her business.

Potty training is difficult, yes. From what I understand, this woman was at the restaurant with her twins; 2

Friday, September 7, 2012

PTO = Pain in The Ovaries

Yesterday I had my first encounter with the PTO. So many schools in so many years, and no, I've never been a member. I've always signed up, promised to be an integral part of my kids' school year, promised to be involved in fundraisers, and then never went to a meeting or was never contacted to help with anything.

Having finally attended a PTO meeting... it reminded me why I never attended a PTO meeting.

Pain in The Ovaries, that's what the PTO is...
I had this stereotype built up in my mind of what a PTO was and how it was run. Before yesterday, the PTO, to me, was a place where The Know it All Mom, The Over-Achieving Mom, The Slacker Mom, The Always Happy Mom, The Always Pissed Mom, The Mom With 5 Kids Under Age 7, The Popular Mom, The Wannabe Popular Mom and The Outcast Mom can all come together and act like they are cooperating for the greater good of raising money for their kids' school, when in reality they are doing whatever the PTO officers have decided they are doing for the year.

After yesterday's meeting... that idea has pretty much been cemented in my mind.

What? Did you expect me to say that it was a magical moment where the stereotype I had developed was all wrong and the PTO meeting was empowering, motivating and left me with the feeling that my voice, as the newest member, was going to be heard equally with those who have been members for years, and that I was going to be an integral part of creating and executing new ideas to make the school a better place?

Please. Head to a fluffy bunny mom blog for that crap. I tell y'all how it is, and for me, the PTO meeting wasn't a magical place. In fact, it makes me want to now dub the PTO as a Pain in The Ovaries.

For starters, it was immediately after school, and every mom there had their kid with them... or their 2 kids (like me), or 3 kids, or for one poor soul, her 5 kids, all aged about 7 or younger. We were all located in this tiny little classroom because the cafeteria was hosting the after school program, and the library, after school art classes. Did they have anyone assigned to watch the younger kids so that we moms could actually pay attention to the meeting without the interruption of 'Mom, I gotta pee' or little Billy smacking little Suzy upside the head? Nope. Every mom for herself. It was chaos wrapped in a ball of bullshit coated in a glaze of holy crap.

As the meeting started, and they introduced the PTO officers, that's when I was able to start pointing out the different stereotypical moms there. The Know It All Mom was seated 2 seats away from me, and apparently she was new, too. But, because she had served on the PTO at her kid's last school, and was on
the such-and-such wives committee for her husband's squadron (my kids go to an on-base school), she had all of the answers to all of the fundraising questions this PTO could possibly have... and she spared no ear raping to let us all know every one of them.

And here it was, I thought The Know It All Mom was going to be the PTO President... one stereotype proven wrong for me yesterday.

Different Mom Types, courtesy of
The Always Happy Mom was seated directly next to me, and as luck would have it, was a PTO officer. She sat there and smiled the entire time... with her size 5 ass, her naturally blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, perfect cheekbones, and 2 little bleach blonde clones as daughters. Something told me she couldn't carry a conversation outside of Jersey Shore or the latest fashion style for her 2 year old, but hey, she was a PTO officer- quite an accomplishment.

The Wannabe Popular Mom and The Outcast Mom seemed to be friends, and one of them was coincidentally enough The Mom With 5 Kids Under Age 7 as well. I watched them throughout the meeting, the look of longing in their eyes, the agreement with everything The Popular Moms (there was more than one of them) had to say, the completely ignoring their children to hang on every word spoken at the meeting. This meeting was clearly the highlight of their day... their week, and they didn't want it to end.

The Over-Achieving Mom jumped at the open vice president spot, even though she was already a PTO officer, and proudly exclaimed to the entire audience that she was more than capable of doing both jobs (as she had no intention of letting go of the lesser office position). As no one stood up to run against her, she was unanimously voted as our new vice president. Pretty cool, huh? All I know, is the president better watch out. With The Over-Achieving Mom in 2nd place, she just might be plotting to take over the top spot by digging up some less-than-pleasurable information about how the mom in the presidential spot doesn't have a twitter account to tweet about PTO meetings, or didn't buy a fundraising coupon book the previous year, and therefore is unfit to be PTO president. Even with all that said, she seemed to be the only one who thinks outside the box, and is motivated to get things done, so kudos to her.

We went over the ideas for the fundraisers this year, sign up sheets were presented for the various roles we could play, and the floor was never opened up for ideas on new fundraisers. These same fundraisers had been done for years, we needed to support what has worked, and if you had any other ideas or questions, then of course they'd love to hear them, but they were going to stick to what they know.

The first major planning event coming up is the Fall Festival, at the end of October. This got me very excited, as Halloween is my favorite holiday. They briefly ran over some of the high points of the festival, but didn't go into detail because the Fall Festival coordinator wasn't at the meeting. The more I heard about the cake walk, and face painting and concessions- popcorn, cotton candy, snow cones, apple juice and water (that was it), the more I wondered if there was more. The school my kids came from in Virginia had the most amazing PTO and PTO sponsored events- I had hella good ideas I could share with them to make this Fall Festival amazing. Plus, I'd been known to dress up in a cloak and 'read tarot cards' for people at fall carnivals to help raise money. I couldn't wait to pitch my idea. I had one question I needed answering before I pitched the idea... How much were tickets to the event for each activity or game?

Tickets? They weren't doing tickets this year, except for food. They just wanted to ask for donations from the parents.

What the hell? Every school carnival I've ever been to had tickets. You paid for them as soon as you got there, usually 4 tickets for $1 (or pre-ordered them at a discounted price, like 5 tickets for $1) and each game had a set number of tickets to play, each activity costs tickets as well, and the food made up the rest of the ticketed expenses. How can you make money at this school event/fundraiser if you don't have tickets?

Seeing the confused look on my face, the president stated, 'Well, we don't really view the Fall Festival as a huge money-making event. It's more of a fun thing for the school to put on.'

Didn't we just spend 35 minutes talking about how we needed to step the PTO fundraisers up a notch because school budgets had been cut again and we needed to help the teachers and staff as much as possible? Didn't the officers just say that money was of utmost importance and we needed to do whatever we could to try and get businesses to donate money? Why on earth, after all of that talking about needing money, would we not make the first big event coming up a potential money-maker?

I understand it's about bringing the kids together and letting them have safe fun for Halloween, but good grief. Don't preach to me about needing money, then take away the easiest way to make money in the next few months. Especially when every school carnival I've ever attended (and we've been to several, in a few different states) charged tickets for the various games and activities. Parents expect to purchase tickets to attend these events.

That's when it hit me that the stereotype of doing what the PTO officers want to do, and have always done, with not much influence from new ideas or sources, seemed to be completely true at this school. I went ahead and put my notebook back in my purse, and counted down the minutes until the meeting was done, because I didn't want to be The Rude Mom and walk out of the PTO meeting. Things ended pretty quickly after that, and I headed to the table to sign up for any help they needed for the Fall Festival. Just because they weren't doing things how I thought they should be done, doesn't mean I'm not a team player. I signed up as the Face Painting coordinator, and told the PTO president that if they needed any help after the sign up sheets were done, to contact me. I'd be willing to help however I could. She told me the coordinator should be emailing me soon. I'll hold my breath.

As I walked out, The Always Happy Mom smiled and thanked me for attending the meeting. When I got outside, and safely into my car, I screamed. The kids, paralyzed for a second and staring at me like they wanted to have me committed, hesitantly asked what was wrong.

There's a reason why I've never been a PTO participant. I have a huge problem with authority. I have to lead things or I'm not happy. I can't stand to sit back and have people run things that don't think outside of the box, that only do what has always been done, that never take chances. I have never been the mom in charge, because I don't play their games. It's very hard for me to smile and keep my mouth shut. So now, I had a decision to make. Zip my lips and smile to help out my kids' school, or decide not to be a member. I have to decide to finally play nice with other moms, or continue to distance myself from them.

I've decided to play nice. (A shocker, I know.) This school needs help. Budgets have been cut so much that we parents are buying the copy paper for the office to use. If helping this school means I paint faces at the Fall Festival without taking a ticket first, then sobeit. And I will try (mind you I said try) to play nicely with the other moms.

In true Tatted Mom style, though, I'll leave y'all with this last thought, so eloquently put by the movie 'The Faculty'...

"If you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House 'Independence Day' style, or sneak in through the back door?"

Blowing up things isn't my style. Plus, people usually leave their back doors unlocked. So much easier to sneak in and take over that way...

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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Quality Time for Couples (A He Said/She Said Post)

A few months ago, Hubby and I co-wrote a He Said/She Said post on the Top 6 Reasons for a No Questions Asked, Immediate Divorce.

It's that time again, Inklingers. Hubby and I have some things we need to sort through, and there's no better place to hash this out than my blog.

Today's battle argument debate is centered around Quality Time: What constitutes it, how is it best spent, and what doesn't qualify? As before, my answers will be first (no rebuttals this time), and then Hubby will have the floor.

Quality Time for Couples (Tatted Mom Style)
  1. Cuddling on the Couch Watching an Emotional Movie. Nothing says love more than 'The Notebook', with all of its tears, hope and pure emotion. I could even go with a romantic comedy, like 'Crazy Stupid Love' so that Hubby and I are laughing together as well. Get a warm blanket to cuddle under, wrapped in each others arms, laughing and having our heartstrings tugged... a perfect evening! (And no, this has nothing to do with sitting around watching Ryan Gosling movies all night...) 
  2. Working on a Puzzle Together. It builds our teamwork skills, we get to sit close to one another, help each other out with our particular puzzle areas, and just enjoy spending time together. I've mentioned before our competitive nature, so every once in a while you'll hear a 'Quit hogging all the red pieces' or 'Were you seriously just hiding that piece from me, Assmunch?' but it's all in the name of creating something as a couple. 
  3. Shopping. Yes, to me, shopping can be considered quality time. Even if Hubby is accompanying me

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Sexpot Style Apron for the Home Divas

When I fall in love with something, I have to share it. I could not pass up sharing this with y'all. It'll be a quick post today, and if you are fans of the facebook page, yes, I've been sharing these a bunch lately. But, I absolutely love them and have to pass them on, especially considering the sale is only lasting 3 days! I think there's a bunch of y'all that would love them too! They have one with a cupcake on it (that's mine- I'm ordering as soon as Hubby gets home with the debit card... I knew I should have memorized the card number months ago, damnit), cutesy skulls, very retro polka dot designs, zebra print, and so much more.

Want to glamorize your kitchen routine? Jessie Steele aprons and kitchen accessories provide a feminine and glam look for your latest and greatest kitchen endeavor! Whether you're feeling homey or sexy, there's an apron, oven mitt or pot holder waiting for you! Snag the Courtney Apron in Quilted Floral at 70% OFF! With your $10 NEW MEMBER CREDIT, you'll get this adorable piece for only $12!

Click above to be sent directly to Sneekpeeq
Sneekpeeq is the company, too, that's giving the Bed of Roses earrings free with your first purchase. It's FREE and easy to sign up for an account with them using your facebook, and the more items you peeq at, the more discounts you get!

This sale is only lasting 3 days, which is why I decided to pass it onto y'all!

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

When a Sale Really Isn't a Sale... Be Aware!

I'm a frugal shopper. I love sales, and coupons, and coupons I can use with sales.

What I don't like is when a company puts on a "sale" that, when you look at it a little closer, isn't a sale at all. It's happening more frequently and is something that people need to be made aware of.

When I write a post that blasts a company, it's uncommon for me to actually name them (except with the moving company I had a run in with because those people were shysters and the world needed to be educated about them). I choose to do this so that said company can't sue me for slander, even though these posts are my opinion only, and my experience with the company. (It's called covering my ass.) Sometimes it's not hard to figure out who I'm talking about, and there may be hints here and there, but I won't outright name them.

This post today deals with a company in the mall, a kids' clothing company, that I took my daughter into to shop for some clothes. What I saw when I got into the clothing store was an inJUSTICE...

The company was running a 40% off the entire store Labor Day sale. Considering my daughter loves their clothing, and I'm not happy with the existing pricing there, I figured a 40% off sale would satisfy us both.

Boy, was I wrong.

I've never been a fan of this company's prices. Their girls' jeans normally run between $25-$30 for one pair. I don't spend $25-$30 on a pair of jeans for myself, so why would I spend that amount of money on jeans for a daughter who will grow out of them in a month? As we walked into the store, I was calculating prices in my head, which went something like this:

Regular Price of Jeans: $30 
40% Off of $30 is $12 
$30-$12 is $18... a little more acceptable.

We headed to the jeans table, and I grabbed a price tag. That's where the inJUSTICE was brought to light. These jeans had a price tag of $50 on them.

WTF... $50 for a pair of kids' jeans? That's bull. Their prices are high, but they've never been that high.

Then the lightbulb came on, and it went something like this:

Mark jeans up to $50
Run a 40% Off sale on entire store
$50- 40% is $30... The regular price of the jeans, but customers think they are getting a deal.

My blood immediately began to boil. I knew I didn't like that company very much, but this was ridiculous. I looked around the store, and it was packed. So many moms in there, getting their daughters entire

Monday, September 3, 2012

Funky Sugar (Ink Blots Post)

The Girl had a friend spend the night last night (yes, in our 2 bedroom, 900 square foot apartment- Hubby and I are the best parents ever). I woke up this morning wanting donuts- Dunkin Donuts, to be specific. I threw on some clothes, asked who wanted to go with me, and The Girl and her friend jumped at the offer.

We made our donut run (to find that they no longer had the Oreo donuts- I was slightly crushed), got home, and I proceeded to make cups of coffee for Hubby and I. I grabbed the creamer from the fridge and the sugar from the counter and turned around to find The Girl's friend standing right next to me in the kitchen.

"What's that?" 
I looked down to my hands to where The Girl's friend was looking.
"What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"It looks funny. It doesn't look like the sugar my mom gets."
That's when I realized that we buy organic sugar that's still brown, and not everyone buys organic sugar.
"Oh, (laughing). It's all natural sugar. I don't like the white sugar."
"Oh.... okay...." (She stared at me like I was an alien, then walked away.)

Yep, I'm the weird hippy mom with the funky organic brown sugar.

And I couldn't be happier...

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