Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The First Ink Blot: Our Promiscuous Neighbor

The Inklings of Life has always been a place for me to sit and write exactly what's on my mind, and every now and then some advice on motherhood and parenting is thrown in. I've come to realize, though, that writing huge posts everyday doesn't always happen.

What does happen, is life. So many times I have had something hilarious in life happen, that I've wanted to share with my readers, but it wouldn't have taken an entire normal Inklings post to cover it. So, instead of just posting the tidbit, I let it slide right on by.

Well, no more sliding. Today I'm launching Ink Blots. These posts are going to be short, sweet, and contain just happenings in my everyday life. It might be a funny thing my kids did, something that rubs me the wrong way and I need to vent quickly, an interaction between Hubby and I... anything. They'll have their own category, so if you ever have just a few minutes and need a laugh, or confirmation that chaos and crazy stuff happen to all Moms (even if the other moms don't want to talk about it), you can head to the Ink Blots tab above, or the category below, and read all of the Ink Blots posts to date. They will be posted at completely random times (I know y'all have gotten used to my morning posts), as they happen in life.

So, without further ado, the first Ink Blots post... Our Promiscuous Neighbor.

As a little background, we live in a 1000 square foot apartment on the 3rd floor. Yes, there are paper thin walls, and we are *fortunate* enough to live next to a very promiscuous young woman. She has an average of 3 new guys a week come over to the apartment, spend a little bit of time (causing us to answer tons of questions with the kids- her bedroom wall is my kids' bedroom wall, and yes, her bed is up against that wall- we've told them she hangs pictures at 11 at night) and leave. Usually, we never see them again.

This past weekend she had yet another gentleman caller, who alarmed The Ginger greatly ("Mom, something's wrong with that lady next door. She's banging on the wall and making funny noises."). That led to a conversation between Hubby and I that's, well, what you might call... unconventional. Both of us were pissed, but not only for the obvious reason of our kids hearing her sex life... there was underlying anger with us both. The following conversation took place:

Me: So, I don't know if I should share this with you, 'cause I'm not sure if it'll piss you off or not. The slutty girl next pisses me off.
Hubby: Yeah, she pisses me off, too, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't know if it would piss you off. You go first.
Me: Well, she gets a lot of ass... way more than she should be, honestly. She's not that pretty. Is she?
Hubby: Hell no, she's not. She's not pretty at all.
Me: Okay, see. That's what pisses me off. When you and I were separated and I was single, I chose not to be a slut, but now, seeing how much of a slut she is, when she's not that good looking, it pisses me off that I wasn't a slut while we were split up. I totally could have been a huge slut, and I'm slightly disappointed in myself for not being more of a slut. And it pisses me off that she gets so much more ass than I did when I was single.
Hubby: (Laughing) You could have been a huge slut, just so you know.
Me: I know, right? Man, I missed that chance... Your turn.
Hubby: Well, the woman that lives on the other side of her told me one day before you got here, that when I first moved in, she told the slutty girl next door that she should hook up with me because we are about the same age and were both single at the time. The girl next door told her that I wasn't her type. Me. I wasn't HER type. Have you seen the guys she has over there?
Me: (Laughing but trying to stifle it) Yes, baby, I have. She seems to have a type of short, chubby, and nerdy looking.
Hubby: Exactly, or what I like to call, Not Hot. But me? I'm hot. And she said I wasn't her type. That's ridiculous. 
Me: It is, honey, it is.

I often wonder if Hubby and I are the only married couple who have conversations like this. It may be a bit crude or harsh, but it is our conversation, and outside of ourselves we are completely respectful of others.

Seriously, though, the girl has a revolving door between her legs... and she's quite vocal. If she's going to not have respect enough for us when it comes to her sex life, we're not going to have respect for her, behind her back. I don't say any more than 'Hi' to her when she's outside smoking, anyway. I'd like to have a huge talk with her about closing her legs some, but it's her life. She can do with it what she wants.

And it seems like she's choosing to very liberal with her lady parts. Very liberal.

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  1. Ha! Most of our conversations involve me checking out other girls. Insecurity issues, you know.

    "Did you SEE her boobs?! OMG they were so jiggly!"

    "Why are you looking at her boobs?"

    "How are you NOT seeing these things?!" ::head bobs to copy jiggling::

    1. My favorite line with Hubby is, 'Wow, THOSE aren't real', and he immediately knows we're checking out some huge boobs, lol.

  2. Maybe she's getting paid to be liberal with her lady parts. My friend had a neighbor who had many "guests", turned out she was a high dollar call girl. Ya never know.
    I'd have to say something though, or move my kids to a different room. That's just kind of yucky.

    1. Holy crap, Liese, I never thought of that. Now it makes me wonder. The last guy picked her up and they went on a date first. Maybe dinner got him a discount? Hmmm...

      LMAO! We are in this apartment for another month and a half at most. I can't wait to move!!

    2. I was totally thinking she's a prostitute. That girl a ho!

  3. I can't stop laughing. For real.