Would you like to know what I found? Kids are resilient. They adapt quite well to change, and making friends for them is as easy as going outside to a playground.
What I forgot to concern myself with was... well... myself. With each move I was moving toward family or toward friends, and with this last move to Arizona, toward putting my family back together, complete with a Hubby. That fact alone has made me the happiest woman ever, happy to have my family back together, happy to be a stay-at-home mom again, happy to have the time and means to reconnect with my kids, rekindle the love between Hubby and I, and finally find myself.
The thing is, I moved 2000 miles away from extended family and friends. Out here, while the kids are in school, and Hubby is at work, I'm so bored I could scream. Even when I keep myself busy with errands or shopping or reading or catching up on my television shows, something is still missing.
If you were fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom when your kids were young, you'll be able to relate to the picture I'm about to paint. From the time your child is born, you tend to their needs, answer every cry, change diapers, feed, nap when they nap (or clean when they nap or hide in the closet and cry when they nap- whatever suited you), speak baby talk, kiss toes, and conform yourself to a mental age that matches your child at the time because that's all the human interaction you have during the day. Then your spouse gets home from work, and you feel like a little yippy dog when their owners come home, jumping up and down, talking 90 miles an hour, just excited to have another person around- an adult person.
When your kids are older, like mine, and they go to school during the day, not much changes for the stay-at-home mom. While we no longer have to conform ourselves to the mental age of our kids because they aren't at home, we now spend most of our day alone instead. No human interaction whatever, with the exception of commenting on the weather with the cashier at the grocery store. Some days like this are amazing. I revel in the silent house, meditate, do yoga, clean the house knowing it will still be clean 20 minutes later, take a bath, and relax. Some days, I feel like that little yippy dog, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come home to give me some company.
See if this rings true with some of you.
Signs You Are a Mom Who Needs Friends, Too: (like me)
- You talk to the cats (dogs, hamsters, birds, frogs, fish, whatever pet you have). Not only do you talk to the cats, you get pissed that they don't answer back.
- You look forward to the time when the kids get out of school just to have some companionship.
- You lean to the person next to you and say, 'Damn, did you see how nice his ass was in those jeans' as a guy walks by. Then you look up to realize Hubby is the person next to you. Oops.
- You talk to one friend or family member on the phone, hang up with them and call another friend or family member immediately.
- You sit around watching shows about women hanging out with their friends... and cry.
- You hang around some of the groups of moms at school pick up so you can eavesdrop and have gossip to tell Hubby when he gets home... because he's all you have to tell.
- You send a text to a friend or a family member that simply says, 'Hey'.
- You try to get Hubby to do a home pedicure with you.
- You talk to yourself... and yourself answers back. Why? Because the freaking cats won't talk to you.
I've finally gotten to the point where I can't stand being alone during the day. I have enjoyed my hermit-like state for a month now, embraced the quiet, slowed life down a bit. I've gotten my routine down pat, so efficient now that it takes a fraction of the time it used to. That means I have more hours in the day to do nothing. I want to fill those hours with gossip and coffee out with a fellow mom, or with taking a walk around the block with someone while we talk about absolutely nothing of importance. Maybe even get a pedicure with a friend while we sit back and plan the cookout for the weekend.
This want comes as a shock to me. I'll go ahead and say it now- I'm not a big fan of women. Yep. You read that right. A lot of women I have come into contact with over my years have been bitchy (and not in a good way), immature, drama-filled and petty. I can't stand that crap anymore. I want friends in my life who don't add to my headache level, who aren't annoying, who embrace me for me, and who I can relax around. I haven't had a lot of luck in my life with finding friends who fit this criteria. Those friends I have made that clicked with me felt the same way as I do about other women- can't stand them.
But those wonderful ladies are 2,000 miles away. A phone call is great, I get my laughter and sometimes even some gossip, but sometimes it's just not enough. I want to go out to breakfast with them, or to the mall, or just have someone ride to the school with me to pick up my kids and talk smack about the other moms with me. That's something I seriously miss.
So I have to figure out what to do about this. I've joined the PTO at the school, but we don't have our first meeting for another month. I've thought about approaching some moms at school pick up and striking up a conversation, but I'm scared I'd end up picking out the annoying mom, and it'd quickly become clear why she's standing outside by herself.
I know in 2 months when we move on base that this won't even be an issue anymore. We military wives love to seek out the attention and companionship of other women to whom we can relate. We want moms with kids our kids' ages to have play dates with, and sit and gossip while our kids throw legos at one another. And, we're nosy. It's as simple as that. When the new woman moves onto the block, we want to know everything about her, the family, where they are from, and whether or not we're going to be gossip buddies or gossip topics.
It's simply getting through the next 2 months that will be tough. I'm ready to have coffee dates again, gossip, even take a walk or two around the block in efforts to 'get in shape' before we go have mimosas at 11 in the morning; to find a kindred freak of a spirit, just like me.
Plus, I'm tired of talking to my cats. Even more than that, I'm tired that they don't answer. It's just disrespectful at this point.