Thursday, August 9, 2012

Here Comes Honey Booooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Society never ceases to amaze me. The media never ceases to amaze me. The two combined together, blow my freaking mind sometimes.

TLC has outdone themselves, and not in a good way. A few weeks ago I posted about the travesty that is Toddlers & Tiaras in my post Pageant Moms and Michael Vick. Now, TLC has decided to take "the most talked about Toddlers & Tiaras contestant ever" and give her and her family their own show. 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' premiered last night, to what I'm sure was millions of viewers.

Did I watch the premiere of this highly anticipated show? I would have rather gouged my eyes with hot pokers while dogs ate my feet than watch this show. I fast forward through the commercials for that show when I'm watching my DVRed 'Craft Wars' or 'Virgin Diaries'. Between the 6 year old yelling, "You better recogcogcognize" and the mother pausing an interview with TLC to "scratch my bugs", I've upchucked my dinner a few times. I would not degrade myself or my family to watching this shit.

Here's a freaking 6 year old that says 'A dolla makes me holla.' Really? Starting off the family business of stripping pretty early, aren't they?

That's why society amazes me. People sat down last night and watched this show. After seeing this child and her family on Toddlers & Tiaras, they demanded to see more of her, to the point that TLC gave them their own show. They wasted an hour of their life on helping make these people rich.

And that's why TLC amazes me. They just made this redneck family (and that term doesn't even cut it- rednecks are WAY above these people) filthy rich (with emphasis on the filthy). These people don't deserve a weekly show on TV. They don't deserve for those of us who have intelligence and a life to waste our time watching them. They don't deserve a single ounce of it. But, for whatever reason, TLC decided they were going to pay these people lots of money for the US viewers to have a glimpse into how not to raise your child and the type of family that no one should be.

Didn't TLC used to stand for 'The Learning Channel'? Wasn't it a place to go and watch educated TV that made you more intelligent and actually taught you something? What am I supposed to learn from watching this family? I don't think in a million years I could ever lower my standards enough to become as much of a chunk of white trash as them. The only thing it makes me want to do is break into the US military bomb testing sites and re-enter the coordinates for their missile tests to where ever that family's home town is.

How is a family like this even producing more members? Their family tree hasn't branched out in centuries,
and all of the relatives marrying each other should have, by now, produced drooling cyclops who try to eat their own foot because they aren't aware it's not food. Are they reaching out to second cousins now, so the gene pool isn't so watered down? I'm almost 100% sure that a secret they won't disclose to America is that the mom on the show and the dad are really brother and sister.

And two of the older sisters... I'm a huge fan of theirs. Yeah, it took me a few minutes to figure out where I recognized them, but when it hit me, I was shocked. They starred in one of my favorite childhood movies.

I mean, they had obviously cut their hair for the Alice in Wonderland role, but that's definitely them.

This crap honestly makes me sick. The TV shows I watch don't make me more of an idiot- this show, I'm almost positive, does. If nothing else, trying just to figure out what in the hell these people are saying is enough to make me not watch it. Sorry, but I don't speak 'Imbred'. I choose to watch TV shows that either teach me something or positively entertain me. Yes, I have my set of TV shows that makes me feel better about myself, but when I'm done watching 'Hoarders', I generally clean. 'CSI' and 'Law and Order' teach me how not to get away with murder. 'Survivor' teaches me that I don't need to be stranded on a deserted island with people I don't know- I'll try to eat them. 'America's Got Talent' entertains me and celebrates the beautiful talent in all walks of life in America. 'Melissa and Joey' is a family friendly comedy that makes me laugh my ass off because the banter between them is almost identical to the banter between Hubby and I. And hell, even 'Weeds' motivates me to be more productive with my time and nurture my creative side.

'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is a plague on the cable network lineup, and what's sad... what's really really sad, is that it will continue on. I'm sure it will only last 1 season, but even that's too much. People will watch this stupid show, it's ads will ruin my TLC time with 'Craft Wars' or 'Cupcake Wars', and these unintelligent, imbred, white trash people will continue to get money from all of it. What's really really REALLY sad, is that these people will celebrate their new rich lifestyle by drinking and screwing and partying, and in the process, several things will happen:

  1. They may, in a drunken, celebratory stuper, decide to get behind the wheel of a car and we won't be so fortunate that they kill themselves. Nope. They'll kill an innocent stranger.
  2. The screwing, which is not being done with protection (one of the teenagers on the show is already pregnant), will produce more and more unintelligent, imbred, white trash people. Soon, the US will be outnumbered. Has anyone seen the movie 'Idiocracy'? If you haven't you should. If you have, you know what I'm saying is true. It's begun, and we have TLC and their 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' to thank for it.
Normally, this is the point in one of my posts that I say something like, "If you watched the premiere last night, then please share with me below your reasons behind actually watching this crap", but today, I'm not saying that. Honestly, I don't care why anyone did or would watch this show. In fact, if you watched the show, I have a word of advice or two for you. Don't watch it anymore. Take that hour and spend it with your children, to ensure they don't turn out like the kids in that show. Read a book and build your brain so you put as much of a gap between yourself and people like this as possible. Or, go have sex with your spouse. Seriously. Turn the TV off and go have some fun of your own. If a baby happens to be produced during this boycott Honey Boo Boo sex session, then at least you are doing your part to fill the US with intelligent, capable, beautiful humans to try and counteract the damage being done by imbred white trash folk. But if nothing else, you are making a statement to TLC that you won't watch shit on TV. And, you won't be putting money into these idiot's pockets.

I hung my head with 'Toddlers & Tiaras', but now, TLC is getting me close to the point where I will refuse to watch the channel anymore, which sucks. I love 'Craft Wars', 'Cupcake Wars', 'Strange Sex'. But this Honey Boo Boo shit is ridiculous. They should have donated the money they gave to these yahoos to schools in that area to try and counteract the stupidity.

Or to bribing the military to change the coordinates on their missile testing sites. It's a possibility, right?

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  1. I blame Jon and Kate for the beginning of the downfall of TLC. Well, mostly Kate.

    1. Never thought of that. Yes, I agree. I tried watching that show once, but it angered me, lol. I did watch 'Sister Wives' for a little while there, too, just because the whole polygamist lifestyle confused me so much. That show pissed me off, too, so I quit watching it. I just kept saying, 'What is WRONG with you women? Don't effing SHARE a man. There are thousands more out there.' LMAO!

  2. While I was reading this, the question that kept popping up was, isn't this called The Learning Channel -- which you so eloquently did address. What I did learn from the first 10 minutes of that crap is that: 1) "Cheese balls iz good breakfast food" and 2) Avoid eating off of any dishes that have been washed in the same sink that the just washed their hair in.....or God forbid shaved their legs...if they do that....

    1. Oh wooooowwwww. I'm speechless, lol.

      Yes, TLC does not stand for 'The Learning Channel' anymore.

  3. I have seen the commercial for this like 4 times, and all I can think is: "WTF?"
    1. Why would you let your child speak like that in front of millions of viewers?
    2. What I see in this child's future is here being 30 years old still speaking like this, 800 pounds, walking around Walmart in spandex.
    3. Some of the things would possibly be cute as a mannerism once or twice, but if she speaks like that every day, I would have to hit her.
    4. Give thanks to America, because this show gets high viewings and ratings, they keep putting shit like this on the air.

    1. I agree with this on all accounts, and will add that in her future, at 30 years old, 800 pounds and walking around Walmart in spandex, she'll have 9 imbred kids with her from 7 different cousins.


    2. Like people I see everyday in Chase City.

  4. TLC = Totally Ludicrous Crap