Thursday, July 26, 2012

Laundry Day Schizophrenia

Today is one of my most hated days ever... Laundry Day.

I'm pretty sure no mom out there likes Laundry Day. I used to make things easy on myself by doing one load of laundry a day to keep up with it, so I never really had a Laundry Day, but alas, that's fallen to the wayside. I need to get back to that, because knowing days like today are coming up makes me want to crawl back into bed and hide under my covers.

What is it about Laundry Day that sucks so badly? It's a major thorn in my side currently because we don't have a washer and dryer. Yeah, you read that right. Hubby's apartment doesn't have a washer and dryer hookup, so I have to haul laundry down 3 flights of stairs and across a courtyard to one of the community laundry rooms, then pay $1.50 in quarters to have 1 load of clothes washed and dried. Then I have to make the decision of whether to stand in the community laundry room and fold my underwear or just shove it back into the basket and haul it to the apartment to fold it. Anyone who has ever actually known me and visited me, knows that laundry doesn't get folded in my house. It stays in the basket, or better yet, a designated Laundry Chair in the living room (my friends who read my blog are laughing their asses off right now, because I know they can picture that damn chair, full of clothes. I can hear them now, 'Hey, MoMo, why don't you just fold these clothes?'), and you can just pick out your clean clothes from there to wear. I've been better about folding clothes since we moved here, because we need to sit in what would be the designated Laundry Chair (how dare we, right?), and because the cats would just lay on top of the pile of laundry and get it covered in cat fur. No thank you.

Community laundry room aside, I've always hated doing laundry. Loads of towels I don't mind. Those are washed, dried, folded and put away almost immediately. But any other load of laundry sucks. I think it's about time to break this down so maybe I can figure out a way to not think suicidal thoughts on Laundry Day.

Doing Laundry Sucks Because...
  • It Takes Forever. Load the washer, wait 30 minutes. Remove clothes from washer, which has to be done in a timely fashion or else the clothes will begin to mildew, throw them into the dryer. Get comfortable on couch, start to watch a movie, and an hour later, when you really don't feel like moving and have lost all motivation, you have to unload the dryer and fold the clothes before they wrinkle. If you have to do multiple loads in a day, the washer time and dryer time never match up so you can just keep a steady rhythm; washers usually take around 30 minutes, dryers around an hour. So you are always waiting on the dryer. Before you know it, one load of laundry has taken almost 2 hours to do. Yes, you can multitask and do other things in that 2 hours, but the dishwasher takes under an hour to load and run. Mopping the floor takes a few minutes. Vacuuming takes a few minutes. Scrubbing the bathroom takes a few minutes. Laundry takes 2 freaking hours per load. Blah.
  • Kids' Clothes are So Tiny. How many pairs of kids' shorts fit into a regular sized load of laundry? About 153. Doing kids' clothes never ends. Adult shorts? 7 pairs... that's it. That's all you'll have to fold at the end of it. But not kids' clothes. They just keep going and going and going and going... which is why I've started making my kids fold their own clothes. I took care of that headache, but it doesn't help the headache of 47 trips from the washer to the dryer with a handful of their clothes per load  (remember, I'm laundering it up in a community laundry room).
  • It's Monotonous. I feel like a robot on laundry day. Load clothes, remove clothes, load clothes, remove clothes, fold clothes, load clothes, remove clothes... blah blah blah. It takes no brain power to do laundry and still drains the hell of out me. How does that even happen? Yes, I'm a multitasker; I fold clothes while watching TV. It's about the only thing that makes laundry tolerable. But it doesn't mean the thought doesn't briefly cross my mind to string myself up by those freshly laundered sweat pants and end Laundry Day.
  • Something Always Gets Left Behind. Kids' clothes are washed, dried, folded, and as you are putting them away, you spot it... the lonesome dirty sock that didn't make it into the load. You run back to the laundry basket, and there it is, on the floor next to the basket- the dirty sock's clean match. Son of a bitch, now the pairs of clean socks are uneven. It never fails, whether it's a sock, or a pair of underwear, or just happens to be The Girl's favorite shirt that she was planning on wearing the next day- something always gets accidentally left out of the load of laundry. It's a pain in the ass.
  • You Realize Just How Much Stain Pre-treaters Don't Work. You followed the directions, sprayed the pre-treater on, let the clothes sit, washed them, dried them, and as you are folding them, you see that the damn grass stain is still there. WTF? Now the grass stain is even more set in by the heat blast of the dryer. I've found that the oxyclean gel tube thingie works really well, but not on blood. You have to pre-treat it a few times if you don't get to the blood stain quickly, for it to fully remove the blood. Dried blood sucks to remove... not that I have a lot of blood stains to treat... no... not me... (whistles and moves quickly to next topic...).
  • It Never Ends. You can clean every single article of clothing, towel, sheet, etc in your whole house one day, and 2-3 days later, you'll have to do laundry again. That's one thing that majorly sucks about laundry. You can clean the entire kitchen and then eat takeout and use paper plates and cups and not mess up the kitchen again if you so desire, but not laundry. We can't go walking around naked everyday... society frowns on that. So clothes get washed, they get worn, they have to be washed again. No matter what you do, you can't get out of laundry; it's a never ending vicious cycle.
  •  It Causes You to Argue With Yourself. Not a single person can tell me this doesn't happen when they do laundry: an argument with yourself occurs: 'Why am I folding these towels and putting them away when everyone is going to start taking showers in an hour? I could just leave them here, and they grab them on their way to the bathroom, right?' 'Because right here is not where they go.'  'Ok then, why in the hell am I folding this and putting it away when my kid is just going to wear it tomorrow?' 'Because you can't just have clothes laying around the house. It's proper place is folded and put away, regardless of whether or not it will be warn tomorrow.' 'Okay, but the kids never look in their drawers for clothes, anyway, so how about I just leave them in this basket, and they can look through it for their clothes when they need them?' 'Because then they'll get wrinkled, and you can't me the mom that sends your kids to school in hella wrinkled clothes.' 'Son of a bitch, FINE!!!'  Every laundry day we Moms turn into schizophrenics. It's pretty much a fact.
I have to admit, for all of the reasons there are for hating doing laundry, there is a sense of accomplishment knowing at the end of Laundry Day, that your family has clean clothes, and you don't have to hear, 'Mom, can you wash this, please, I need to wear it tomorrow.' You can rest... for a few days, that is.

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  1. I like laundry but then again I do have a washer and dryer. I remember not being fully satisfied with my laundry day experience when I was living in a apartment or if they broke down.

    I do like hanging clothes on a clothes line though -

    1. I love the smell of clothes when they've had fabric softener added and then hung on a clothesline on a windy, sunny day. We don't even have a yard for a clothesline... Just 2 more months and we'll have a house...