Saturday, June 9, 2012

Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog... Part 3

AHHHHH! Yep, I screamed. I LOVE this time... it's Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog time!!! This started in February when I had someone google 'Ryan Gosling pissing' and found Inklings. I gave it about 2 months for the search results to build again, and in April was delighted to find 'denture fetish' as a search term that landed someone on Inklings.

It's been about 2 months, Inklingers, and the search terms just keep getting better with time! I'm just going to jump in, I'm so excited. For the newbies, I include the exact search term, then my reply to whoever searched for it, and keep in mind these are my favorites, and are in random order.

Like a hooker needs- Oh man, I LOVE this game. What is... an STD test? Rehab? A legitimate job? A better corner to stand on? A pimp? The possibilities are endless. The amazing thing about this search phrase, is it was searched 6 times and found Inklings. Awesome, right?

O face- This one made me giggle... but sorry, this isn't that kind of site.

Big butt vacuum- What in the hell is a big butt vacuum? Did they mean to search for liposuction to remove a big butt, or are they trying to figure out if they can hook their vacuum up to help them out with their big butt at home? This one blew my mind.

Blogging has become snobby- I know which story this one linked to, but I have to admit that I'm
beginning to agree. If you are a mom blogger, or exclusively read mom blogs, you'll notice a trend. The bigger, more popular mom blogs support and promote other bigger, more popular mom blogs. And, the authors of these bigger, more popular mom blogs,dominate open-share forums with their articles, and us little small blogs have to compete with these top blogs for exposure. It's the same blogs you see nominated for pretty much every big named top blogs of the year sites, and if you stalk follow them all on twitter, they all retweet each others' stuff and reply to each other, but pretty much ignore regular readers or smaller blogs. Do I read some of these blogs? Yes, I do. Many of them completely earned their top spots. But, when I retweet on twitter or do a shout out on facebook or my blog, do I include any of them? Nope. I'm not in their 'clique'. Sorry, I'm off my soapbox now. Back to the laughs.

Go to hell Helga- Damn right! Helga, the Fashion Fairy's Disgruntled Cousin is a bitch. She needs to go to hell and quit visiting me.

Tampon inklings- This one confuses me so much. I blogged about tampons once, yes, so had they heard about it and were looking for my 10 a Day??? post? Did they mean 'tampon leakings'? Or are they calling my blog a tampon? Damn, that's not nice.

Hi I'm a whore- Hi, I'm not a whore. Nice to meet you. We welcome all here at Inklings, regardless of whore status.

How can I be a bitch- Oh, wow, where do I begin? Maybe I should start Bitch Lessons. Do a video webinar thingie? Man, that would be awesome. First, you have to think you are entitled to everything. No, that's if you want to be a c*nt, not a bitch. Hmmmm. Being a bitch just comes so naturally to me, so it's hard to explain how to harvest my bitchiness. But, you may have succeeded in your quest, because I'm pretty sure your soon-to-be ex googled this and ended up on Inklings:
How to deal with a bitch whose going through a divorce- Dude, I think your girl is on my site looking up how to be a bitch, and considering I can be a pretty big bitch at times, you might want to just give into her... my methods she's learning are flawless. She'll be a ninja bitch in no time, guaranteed. Sorry.

Top 10 things I'm too young for- If you have to google it, you're too young for it. Sheesh.

If I were a thing I'd be a ?- Being a question mark is an awful weird thing to be. Is your back broken? Do you hover around over top of a dot all day? If I were a thing, I'd be a can of awesome.

Wet pants mom- Again, I understand this search term brought up the Do the Wet Pants Thing post, but my crazy mind still wanders. Why is someone googling 'wet pants mom'? I'm 99.9% sure this should be categorized under the ___ fetish section below. Dirty effers.

___ fetish- I decided this time around to just group all of the weird search terms that included 'fetish' in them into one section. Dentures still ranks high, but that's because of the last post. We can add fart, superglue, and unbirth big belly to the weird searched fetish list this time. Unbirth big belly? What does that even mean?

And while it's not the most bizarre, or even the funniest this time around, my favorite search phrase that landed someone on Inklings is...

Why the Inklings- Because it's awesome, that's why. It's funny, crazy, truthful, dysfunctional, random, and is found by searching things that don't make sense like 'fart fetish' and 'big butt vacuum', but also by searching things like 'lego cake step-by-step', and that person stayed on the site for almost 30 minutes. That means Inklings contains helpful articles in it's randomness, too. Or, how about the person that searched 'children have too much freedom' and spent 10 minutes on Inklings- I would guess they found a site that shares similar opinions as them. Or, how about the people that just flat out searched 'The Inklings of Life blog' and stayed for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. They've heard of it somewhere, and either liked what they found when they searched for it themselves, or were trying to figure out how to learn my ninja ways. So, for anyone in the future who wants to google 'Why the Inklings', this post will pop up, and there you go, answers to your question.

For the record, I was devastated to not have one single Ryan Gosling fetish searched this time. I must be slipping.

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