Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Sickness Demons, Be Gone!

I'm so glad I have older kids. I want to start by saying that.

I just spent the last 24 hours of my life the sickest I have been since my kids were born. (They are 10 and 7 now, for some reference.)

No idea where it came from, no one else got sick, but late Sunday night it started. I was nauseous as hell, spent a good few hours in the bathroom (use your imagination). I ended up stumbling to bed, curling up in the fetal position, and passed out. Woke up bright and early at 5:30 Monday morning with my stomach killing me again, which is when the vomiting started. Yeah, baked chicken, roasted garlic potatoes and fresh green beans- not so good on the way back up. The vomiting didn't end until 5:30 that night, when I just laid on the couch, comatose, until I broke out in a sweat at about 8pm and started to feel a little better. Mind you- a little. Being able to sit up and talk type of better didn't come until Hubby woke me up when he came home from work, and I had been passed out for an hour and a half. That's when I was finally able to eat a bowl of chicken soup, and keep it down... well, so far. It's been 7 hours; we'll see how it goes.

Wow, boring post so far, huh? Tatted Mom's just telling us about her being sick. Nah, the sickness didn't kill the random crazy of me, I promise. I'm going to fill y'all in on what to do and what not to do when you are sick. Keep in mind that these only work if you have older kids. For sick moms with younger kids who have to be taken care of, my sympathies go out to you; I've been there, done that too, and it sucked.

What to Do When You Are Sick:
  • Make everyone wait on you hand and foot. Seriously, now is the time to get payback for all of the puke you've cleaned up over the years, the dirty clothes you've had to pre-treat because the kid with the diarrhea couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, and the Hubby who turns into a 5 year old when he had a simple sinus infection. Now, I did happen to be the sickest I can remember since my kids have been born, and I let everyone know it. I didn't bark orders or become a raging bitch, but I did announce every stomach pain in a close-to-death strained voice. My daughter got me ginger ale, my son cleaned up his legos the first time I told him to. It was amazing.
  • Keep everyone in the house updated on your status. It got to the point yesterday that whenever I came out of the bathroom, the kids stopped what they were doing, looked at me and said, 'Mom, did you throw up again?' My son was keeping tally for me. The last time I exited before passing out, my answer was no, and he replied, 'Good, 'cause that would have made it 5 times today, 3 times in the last hour, but now you're still at 4, with the last 2 times being in the last hour.' Thanks hon for the news update. Hell, turn it into a learning experience. 'Okay, honey, if Mommy had thrown up this last time, making it 3 times in the last hour, what's the average time in between my vomiting sessions?' If nothing else, keeping everyone in the house updated on your status means as soon as you exit the bathroom, they are immediately asking what they can do for you. It's awesome.
  • Gain some Cool Mom points. How in the world do you gain Cool Mom points when you are sick? By letting the kids pretty much do what they want to, that's how. They are already waiting on you hand and foot, so as a 'reward', let them play video games all day, or pick out a movie they want to watch instead of one that you want to watch. My daughter has been begging me to watch a horror movie. Personally, I think she's too young, but yesterday, I let her watch one. It was just the made for TV 'Bag of Bones', but it still freaked her out, and she was happy. Then, at 10 last night, I woke up on the couch to find her in bed. I walked to her room and asked her what she was doing. She said, 'It's 10 o'clock, so I came to bed.' (She's always been the over-responsible one.) My reply? 'Honey, for 1, Mommy is sick, and for 2, it's summer. I don't care when you go to bed today. Come back out here and watch TV if you want.' She jumped out of bed, and chose an Extreme Couponing marathon to watch. She's definitely my child.
  • Take a bath or shower. If you can muster up any kind of energy for 15 minutes, take a bath or shower. It will make you feel so much better, and even if you aren't done with the violently expelling the contents of your body, you'll feel fresher while you are throwing up. The nap I took after my shower felt so much better than any naps before my shower. I threw up twice after that nap, but I was able to rest enough to handle the projectile vomiting that occurred after I woke up.
  • Employ the BRAT diet when you are starting to feel better. I'm sure many moms are familiar with this; it's one of the things we are told when we rush our (first) kid to the doctor at the first sign of a sickness (we all know we did this with our first kid, don't try and deny it. Then we learned, and the kids after the first kid aren't rushed off to the ER when their fever reaches 99.9.) Bananas, Rice, Apple Sauce, Toast- BRAT diet. Great for treating diarrhea, and helps with nausea somewhat, too. Do not eat until you know you are better (see the Eat bullet below), but when that point hits, play it safe with the items above at first.
What NOT to Do When You Are Sick:
  • Try and be Super Mom. We all do it. Don't want to admit we are as sick as we are, or think that we have to do this or have to do that, even though we are in the bathroom every 20 minutes with something coming out of one (or both) of our ends. Stop it. Relax. The laundry can be done the next day, the kitchen will be cleaned eventually (or make the kids do it- see the first bullet above). Hell, I didn't even cook dinner last night. The Girl made bologna sandwiches and fruit for her and her brother. I was okay with that. Trust in the parenting you have done the last decade, and take it slow for the day- it might be the Universe's way of making you slow down. The more you fight it, the longer you'll be out of commission.
  • Feed a sickness and it will
    get stronger... period.
  • Eat. You know the moment after you've thrown up that you feel 100 times better and think you are in the clear? That moment when you think, 'Man, I feel so much better, and I'm starving, so let me get something light and small to eat?' And, do you know that moment about 30 minutes after that when you are throwing up whatever you decided was 'light and small' enough that your body would keep it down? Yeah, me, too. I didn't get better yesterday until I quit eating all together. After my 5:30am first round of vomiting, I had a half a cup of herbal tea and a piece of toast, and about an hour later some chicken soup, and all of that came up. Then I ate some yogurt and crackers, and that came back up. Then I just had my mixture of Powerade and ginger ale (blue Powerade, by the way. Amazing tasting, if you ask me. Get a big glass, ice, half blue Powerade, half ginger ale. Make sure you are in the clear, though, before drinking it, or it'll come up, too.) and that came back up. After that, I had ice chips and that was it. Yes, dehydration kicked in and added to my comatose state, but starving the sickness demons inside of me was the only option I had left, so I did it. About 4 or 5 hours and a really good pass out later, I felt so much better, and was able to eat some chicken soup. So, forget that whole 'feed a cold, starve a fever' (or is it the other way around) philosophy. Starve it all. Sickness demons don't like to be starved. It kills them.
  • Take any meds. It's going to be hard, but try not to take any meds- no anti-nausea meds, no anti-diarrhea meds, nothing. They'll just come back up. Plus, if your body is trying to get something out of it that it doesn't want in there, and you take some meds to keep it from coming out, then you are stuck with something in your body that your body doesn't want there. Chances are, when the meds stop working, you'll be right back to your body trying to get rid of whatever it is. 
  • WebMD your symptoms. You'll start thinking you were bitten by a malaria mosquito and are going to die in 3 days. If you want to WebMD it to figure out how to treat your sickness, that's fine, but don't WebMD to try and figure out what you have. More than likely it's just a bug, or, in my case, I may have had salmonella poisoning from handling the raw chicken for dinner. But, in any case, WebMD told me that if I have nausea with vomiting and diarrhea, I needed to head to a hospital immediately. Really? I have nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Tell me, WebMD, how I'm supposed to even get to the hospital with all of that going on? And, if I did go to the hospital, they would have told me I have a bug, or maybe even salmonella, and there's nothing to do about it anyway. So, wait it out for a little while, and don't let WebMD think you are dying.
So far, everything is good today. I've even had a cup of coffee (I like to live dangerously) and cleaned the kitchen this morning. Probably shouldn't have done the latter, considering I've only had 1 bowl of soup in the last 24 hours, and cleaning did render me a little weak, but I'll continue to rest today while at least performing minimal mom and wife duties.

Yeah, I guess I should read my own Try and be Super Mom tab above, huh? I'm great at giving advice; never said I was great at taking my own advice. 

It doesn't matter much, anyway. According to WebMD I have the ebola virus, and unless I can find that little outbreak monkey to get the antidote, I'm a goner.

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  1. Oh,yes.."WebMD your symptoms" - this is the worst thing you can do when you are sick.
    I know it for myself. :)

    1. Yeah, I don't know what WebMD was thinking, either. It's been like 5 days since I was sick; I should have cracked and bled out by now... Guess I showed them. Ha!!