Thursday, May 24, 2012

My Ears are Bleeding, Thanks to Birthday Cake

I don't think I can ever look at birthday cake the same way anymore. Thanks to music nowadays, I'm ruined... and shocked... and disappointed as hell... and outraged.

I was in my car the other day, radio cranked up, kids not with me (thank goodness), flipping through the radio stations, when a song with an awesome beat caught my attention. I turned the radio up, and that's when I heard:

Wait, whats going on with
that icing? Really? Awwww,
come on....
"I wanna f*ck you right now. But he wanna lick the icing off (the icing off).I know you want it in the worst way (the worst way). Cant wait to blow my candles out. He want that cake; Oh baby I like it, you're so excited, don't try to hide it; Ima make you my bitch, Cake. I know you wanna bite this, it's so enticing, Nothing else like this, Ima make you my bitch."

WTF? This crap is on the radio? My kids could have heard this! Thank you, Rihanna, but you can keep your damn birthday cake.

The bad thing is, Rihanna's 'Birthday Cake' song isn't even as bad as I've heard. We all remember Ludacris'  'What's Your Fantasy?' from a few years ago, right?

"I wanna get you in the back seat, windows up, That's the way you like to f*ck, clogged up fog alert, Rip the pants and rip the shirt, Rough sex, make it hurt."

(A small confession here, I'm sorry to say I love that Ludacris song. It's catchy. But do I let my kids listen to it? No, I don't.)

If we stray away from the sexual songs for a second, then we're bombarded with songs that make drinking, smoking, and doing drugs okay. Take Wiz Khalifa's 'Young, Wild and Free' for example:

'So what we get drunk? So what we smoke weed? We're just having fun...'

And the song is so damn catchy that, if you aren't watching your kids, they'll be singing along by the second time the chorus comes around. So what they get drunk? So what they smoke weed? So what they get an ass whooping from their mom and grounded for the rest of their lives?

Just in case you all think I'm nitpicking hip hop songs, we'll throw blonde haired, blue eyed Kesha under the
bus, too, with 'Tik Tok':

'Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, 'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back...I'm talkin' about everybody getting crunk, Boys try and touch my junk, Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, We going 'til they kick us out, Or the police shut us down...'

Amazing message there: head out, get drunk off your ass, just smack a guy if he's molesting you, and keep on partying until you get throw in jail. Definitely what I want to be teaching my kids. Sheesh.

What in the hell is wrong with music nowadays? What's this need to come out and say exactly what you are planning, or wanting, or doing to someone, or how you are planning on spending your weekend?

I couldn't help but post this picture when I saw it!
What happened to innuendo? Seriously.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s; our music was full of sexual and drug innuendo, not actually coming out and saying what you were thinking of doing to that girl this weekend, or what drugs you wanted to try. Yes, I know there was music in the 80s and 90s that was just as direct as the music nowadays, but 1- I wasn't allowed to listen to it, and 2- They didn't play it on the radio. It was a track on the CD that you didn't let your parents hear so you and your friends could giggle about it at sleepovers.

Hell, take a very controversial song (for its time) of the 90s: Color me Badd's 'I Wanna Sex You Up':

'Come inside, take off your coat, I'll make you feel at home. Now let's pour a glass of wine, 'cause now we're all alone. I've been waiting all night so just let me hold you close to me, 'Cause I've been dying for you girl to make love to me... Girl you make me feel real good, We can do it 'til we both wake up... I wanna sex you up, All night'.

Look at that... romance, emotion, and making love. So much different than getting f*cked in the back seat of a car until it hurts, like in Luda's song above (Sorry, Luda).

Let's go for another sexual song of the 90s: Salt n' Pepa's 'Push It':

'Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss, Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed, Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard like I wish you would? Now push it, push it real good.'

My mom back in the day: 'Hey, whoa, what'd she say? What's this song about?'
A pre-teen Me: Dancing. Push it. It's a dance move.
Mom: Oh, okay, that's fine then.

See? There's no misinterpreting the lyrics of today. Back when I was growing up? Yep, there was doubt. Are they singing about sex or no? No one knew!

Now, did I have to hide Nine Inch Nails' 'Closer' from my parents? Yep, sure did. Well, actually, when I became a teenager and was pissed at my parents, I'd lock my door and turn that song up all the way on my stereo. As soon as Trent Reznor started with, 'I wanna f*ck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside...' my mom was at the door, beating it down. Oops, sorry.

So, now we move onto the drinking, drugs and partying songs. What better reference could you possibly have than Stone Temple Pilots? Do we all remember 'Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart':

'Fake the heat and scratch the itch, Skinned up knees and salty lips, I'll breathe your life, Vicks Vapor life, and when you binge I purge alike, Let go, it's harder holding on, One more trip and I'll be gone, So keep your head up, keep it on, Just a whisper I'll be gone'.

What in the hell did he just say? While yes, the song states 'one more trip' and says, 'All dressed up on a wedding day, keep on trippin' anyway', not too many people who listened to this song knew that this song was about LSD. Why? Because the song made no freaking sense at all... he wrote it while tripping on LSD.

Yes, there were inappropriate songs back in the day, but the abundance of them today is overwhelming. And, the fact that the recording companies promote this crap, and the radio stations play this crap has me seriously concerned for the future of music and the future of our youth. They are allowing more and more words to be left uncensored on the radio now, more and more raunchy subject matter to be sang about, and less and less to be left to the imagination.

And innuendo has been thrown out of the window, that's for sure.

I monitor what my kids listen to. I probably let a few more things slide than I should, like 'Carryout' by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake; I love that song, and used to tell my kids they could listen to it but not sing it. Again, though, the song is full of innuendo, not actual vulgarity. The songs that come out and say exactly what two people or doing, or directly talk about drinking and doing drugs, they are no goes in my house.

I just keep thinking, 'Holy crap, if this is the music of today, what does the next 10, 20, 30 years hold?' Think about how far music has come in, say, the last 30 years. I'll use Marvin Gaye's 'Sexual Healing' as an example. What, in the early 1980's was this:

'Oh baby, now let's get down tonight, Oh baby, I'm hot just like an oven, I need some lovin, And baby, I can't hold it much longer, It's getting stronger and stronger, And when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing'

would nowadays be this:

'Hey bitch, let's f*ck tonight, Hey bitch, go down on me to get me hot, I need you to f*ck me, And bitch, I'm about to explode, My d*ck's getting harder and harder, And when it gets like this, I need to f*ck you rough.'

Yeah, I just took one of the most sexy-feeling songs ever and turned it into vulgar trash.

Just as the music industry has done over the years. Thanks for that, music industry. How about coming out with some decent stuff again. Please? Is it too much to ask?

So images of 'birthday cake' for me make me happy with the thought of the fluffy goodness, the butter cream icing, the sugary goodness... not of some guy licking icing off of Rihanna. Good grief.

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  1. This is kind of a funny topic, I have a 5 month old daughter and soon I am going to have to watch what stations I listen to. But all the songs you quoted, I love.

  2. HA!!!! I love it! When did Rhianna go from singing about the DJ to getting banged with whips and chains involved? My 6 year old (at the time) was singing stuff off of the album that song is on. Not to mention at her school they play the pop radio stations during PE so I can't monitor it there, either, unless I flip out on the school. Even commercials on TV include this garbage. I think 'Sexy and I Know It' is entertaining, but I don't want an M&M commercial teaching my (now) 7 year old that the song is great and should be associated with her favorite candy. GRRRRRRR...

    Oh, and what about the song 'Reptile' on The Downward Spiral? Passive aggressive this-chick-screwed-me-over-BAD music at it's best.