Monday, May 7, 2012

Do the Wet Pants Thing...

Hubby: You know, between your blog, facebook, youtube channel, pinterest and twitter, you are probably the worst ninja assassin ever. People can find you anywhere.

Me: Good, then they'll suspect me even less as a ninja assassin, thank you.

This is typical banter between Hubby and I. Well, typical G-rated banter between Hubby and I, which honestly only makes up about 15% of our banter; the rest is most definitely PG-13 or above... way above.

That's me!
This smart ass back and forth that we do is one of the reasons we couldn't figure out why we were still separated. We stayed really good friends for those 3 years we were apart- so good in fact, that people each of us were seeing had major problems with it at one point or another. But, we didn't give a crap. We'd known each other 15 years; screw what every else deemed as an 'acceptable' or 'unacceptable' way for exes to act.

So, we removed our heads from our asses and decided to make this marriage work. There are many things we're having to start over new, or relearn about each other.

Our smart assedness (yeah, I just made that word up, but it's pretty epic) isn't one of them. That part of us, well, we just picked up where we had left off years ago.

Today, I wanted to share with you all some classics examples of Hubby and I. Some of them are G rated, most of them are not. So, if you are under the age of 18, easily offended, or have a certain mindset of how husband and wife should act toward each other, then I wouldn't continue reading if I were you. Seriously. Go now.

Okay, you've been warned. Choosing to stick around past this point could cause eye rollings, thoughts of 'Oh my gosh I can't believe they are like that', maybe some disgust, and very possibly peeing your pants.

Keep in mind that Hubby and I are still 2000 miles apart, so this banter is being pulled from texts... yes, I keep the evidence around, for just this purpose. I have over 1800 texts between us at the moment, that I have been saving... for something like this...

(Out shopping for the kids' Easter egg hunt, and Hubby decides he wants me to get big eggs for all the kids. I'm trying to describe these eggs I found, and finally get so aggravated that I took this picture and sent it to him so he could see how big the eggs were that I was talking about.) 

Hubby: I like how you look with balls next to your face!!! Hahahaha!!!
Me: It's an egg, gooberface, not balls.


Hubby: What is my slut doin?
Me: Watching Funny Farm. It only has like 20 minutes left.
Hubby: Hmmm...
Me: Hmmm what?
Hubby: You were supposed to have dinner and call me back. Not dinner and a movie... You're being mean today.
Me: You're being stupid.
Hubby: Your mama is being stupid. I want brownies.
Me: Then go make brownies.
Hubby: That's what you are for. I'll wait.
Me: You'll be waiting about 2 months, lol. 
Hubby: Funny, I just bought your ticket for Monday.
Me: All for brownies?? Damn, you must really want some browines, lol.
Hubby: Brownies and pie... cooter pie.


Hubby: When I get there, and we do it, can we try the 'Buzzer beater'?
Me: What the hell is that??
Hubby: Well, ok, it's where we're doin it, and when I get ready to... I punch you in the kidney and try and ... in your mouth before it closes. It's a game we can play and we both have a chance at winning. So, is it game on?
Me:  That's a no... And quit either googling weird shit at work or talking to flightline guys, lol.
Hubby: Lmao, we were all sitting here at work waiting for your response. It was classic!!
Me: Was my response sufficient?
Hubby: Lol, yes. Definitely.
Me: So I'm still the cool wife??
Hubby: Lol, yes you are. You're my cool wife.


Hubby: Stop playing on pinterest. 
(I was shocked at first that 2000 miles away, he knew I was on pinterest, but then it hit me that my pinterest is linked to my facebook, and lets people know when I've pinned stuff.
Me: Stop stalking me on facebook... =)
Hubby: Stop fantasizing about doing freaky things to me.
Me: Wha???
Hubby: I thought we were reading each other's minds.
Me: Ummm... You are just stalking me on facebook. If we're reading each other's minds, though, then stop fantasizing about butt sex... it's not gonna happen
Hubby: Oh snap!!! You are good!
Me: I know I'm psychic, you don't have to confirm it, lol.

And to show y'all it never ends...

Me: Baby, I'm writing a blog post about us. I need one more piece of our type of banter. Help me!
Hubby: I don't know, do the wet pants thing...
Me: What wet pants thing?
Hubby: When we were first married, and my pants were in the dryer, you told me that in 20 minutes we were leaving the house whether my pants were wet or dry.
Me: That's not banter. That's just an example of you being whipped.
Hubby: Ooooohhh... that's not how I see it.
Me: That's how all of your friends saw it...

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  1. I actually think humor is a key ingredient in marriage! Soooo, you guys will be just fine! Thanks for sharin' the funnies!

    1. Sweet, if humor is a key ingredient, then we'll overload on good marriage stuffs, lol.


  2. Glad to hear things are going well! I enjoy your blog. And yes, good marriages always need humor!

  3. Haha, my husband says cooter, too! Oy!

  4. I somehow feel like a Peeping Tom now... :)