Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Curiosity Kills the Military Wife

There are many things about being a military wife that really suck. There are deployments that can last years sometimes, there are danger zones where we have to worry about our husbands' well beings, there is relocating every few years to a new state (or country), a new base, which always seems to come at the exact time where we finally get settled in to our current home and routine of life, there is weekend duty, long workdays with no extra pay, and so many rules and restrictions that it's hard to keep up with sometimes.

For me, one of the worst things ever is the curiosity aspect of being a military wife. I'm like Alice in Wonderland. One day, curiosity is going to kill my ass, and being a military wife does not help the situation any.

Need some explanation? I'll give you an amazing example.

Hubby texted me last night. Told me a plane diverted a few hours away from his base, and he and his guys were sent out to the site to help out this pilot. When they got out there, he found out some details about the trip that made him a little on edge.

What? What did he find out?

He couldn't tell me. I didn't need to worry, that he could tell me, and he was fine, and was going to be fine, that he could also tell me, but any details? Nope.

So, being that my curiosity won't rest until I have an answer, my options at that point were to push and push and push, knowing that if Hubby finally gave in, he could get into deep shit, or, use my active imagination to come up with a story myself, so outrageous that it had to be true, and satisfy my curiosity.

Here it goes...

Last night, Hubby got to work and was told that a plane went down in the desert and he and his guys needed to go help. Rescue workers had already been out to the scene, to help the pilot, who was okay, but there was a matter of the pilot's cargo that Hubby needed to go pick up and transport on the pilot's behalf.

So Hubby got out there, and the first thing he noticed was the amount of security at the scene. Then, he saw a huge tarp laying on the ground. They found the guy in charge, and he told them that what was under the
tarp was their cargo, and it needed to be handled with the utmost care. Whatever you do, he told them, do not look under the tarp. The cargo would be loaded on the truck Hubby and his guys came in on, and they were to simply transport it to an address programmed into this super amazing government GPS in the truck, and the people there would unload the truck and send them back to their base.

The truck was loaded, the secret address was programmed in to the government GPS system, and Hubby and his guys started their journey. Curiosity overcame one of his guys, and against orders, he lifted the tarp...

It was an alien! Hubby was transporting an alien to an undisclosed location!

Immediately, all the guys in the truck freak out, then realize that they are all Will Smith in Independence Day and started to think they were all hot shit. Hell yeah, they were transporting an alien.

The GPS told them they were near their destination after a few hours, but the guys were confused because they were even further in the middle of the desert than before. The truck slowed down as a metal fence came into view. They saw a guard's station and stopped. The guard talked to them for a few, saw they were on some super secret list, opened the gates and let them in. That's when it hit Hubby. Holy crap balls, they were at Area 51... At Area 51, to drop off a freaking alien! How awesome is that?

Unfortunately, they didn't let Hubby and his guys too far into Area 51 before a crew came out to unload the cargo (the alien). They were under orders to never share this journey with another soul.

How do I know the story then? I'm smart, that's how. Hubby had to go out to help a pilot that diverted his route and landed away from a military base for some reason, and he couldn't tell me the details of his trip. The only logical explanation is an alien. The alien must have woken up while the pilot was transporting him to Area 51, and shot out some alien laser beams from his eyes while controlling the plane's navigation system with his alien mind, and the plane had to emergency land. Seriously, what else could it possibly be?

So, curiosity kills me as a military wife. But, my overactive imagination makes up for it, so I guess that's okay.

And, I have a Hubby who just transported an alien to Area 51 on a top secret mission. How effing cool is that?

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  1. Awesome. My husband used to work in a big building that had no windows and was surrounded by barbed wire. He couldn't tell me a whole lot about what he did, but I imagined all sorts of things that generally looked a lot like James Bond and Q, only with ugly uniforms. Fortunately, I knew that my husband was just the guy who kept James' network running, so I wasn't too worried about him getting blown up or anything.

    1. See, my imagination is running wild with how your husband is the one that makes those awesome gadgets that the spies use, like the watch that has the propelling off buildings wire in it, or the gum that when you mash the ends together is an explosive. Man, your Hubby has an awesome job! ;)

  2. Yes! I *knew* it was an alien. I am vindicated!

    1. See, there really isn't anything else it could have been. At least I'm not the only one who thinks this, lol.

  3. I stumbled across your blog for the first time last night when my husband was on duty (Yes, he has been in five years and somehow he still had 24hour duty smack dab in the middle of Memorial Day 96 weekend)--Your tatted pin-up, Curse-word-cookie baking logo caught my eye and I thought, "Alright, here we go..I like this mom already!" I am a 24 year old tatted former Marine, expecting my first baby here in about a month...I am new to this whole blogging thing and to be honest, I was about to give up reading these things before seeing your blog!I thoroughly enjoy your out of the box posts that set you apart from all the cookie-cutter mommy-blogs out there.

    I enjoyed this post in particular because I too have an outrageous imagination...The truth of the matter is that being in the military is a whole bunch of boring long hours interrupted by a few scattered days that are shit-in-your-pants scarey/exciting/worthy of story telling. In the beginning of my military career my family and friends constantly asked about what I was doing at work, expecting some incredible, inspiring story of heroism. I found that when I told the truth--that I did a lot of mundane work for extremely long periods of time--they were seemingly disappointed. After about a year of giving them the same answers to their questioning, and hearing the disappointment grow to complete annoyance...I decided to start making up stories of top secret missions and war stories in which I painted myself as the epic comic book heroine that they had wished I would become when joining the military. I found great pleasure in this especially since at the end of my stories, I would always get the same response from my ridiculously gullible family, "NO WAY! REALLY??!!" And I got even more pleasure out of shutting them down with "Seriously? No of course that didn't happen." So, ultimately, my family and friends were disappointed at my lack luster military lifestyle; but at least I was able to entertain myself along the way.

  4. Awww, your comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much! Glad you found my blog.

    Good to know I'm not the only one with an over-active imagination, lol. ;)

    1. And good luck with your new little one!! If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to email me!! =)