Sunday, May 27, 2012

17 Things I'd Do If I Were President

I don't get into politics much at all- not in conversation, not in my blog, not in my life. Sure, there are things I stand for, and things I oppose, but they are my things, that I generally keep to myself. My post today is not necessarily a political one. It is, like most of my other posts, a humorous one. So, enjoy, and feel free to add your own to the bottom as a comment, and share with your friends on facebook or via email (there are links for both of that) if you have the same views I do!

These are in random order, by the way, and I know now that I'm taking a huge risk with some of these. I'll either gain some mad respect, or lose some of my following. Fingers crossed for the mad respect...

17 Things I'd Do If I Were President
  1. We would have a nationwide mandatory nap time from 2pm-3pm every day. 

  2. Stay-at-home moms would get paid by the government for their job. Not like welfare, but a legitimate paycheck. They would get raises if their kids are doing well in school, kept healthy, and well-adjusted, and get pay cuts if their kids take a gun to school, or do drugs, or are not a functioning, positive member of society. Yes, drug tests will be held for the stay-at-home moms, too, and anyone failing the hardcore drugs will be fired immediately from their position.

  3. Women's clothing sizes below size 6 will be dropped from all clothing lines. Size 11/12 will be the new 'skinny'. If you want to have a size 0 ass, then you'll have to pay the government to have an 'I don't eat on a regular basis' card to buy special clothes.

  4. Teachers would be given raises, and funding put back into the schools for art, music, theater, wood shop, etc. These are the courses where children find their callings, where personalities are formed, and yet they are the first to be cut from schools when money gets tight.

  5. Coffee and cheesecake would be given complimentary at the end of every meal at a restaurant, like the rolls at the beginning of the meal. Just a small piece of cake so you still have the option to buy a bigger one.

  6. Nationwide healthcare. Affordable. Fair. Safe. 'Nuff said.

  7. I would legalize weed. Seriously, I would. I don't smoke weed or do drugs of any kind, but I do know that alcohol related deaths are almost in the 100,000 range per year, but the number of deaths from weed are less than 50 a year, and none of them site weed as the primary cause of death. The government could legalize weed, regulate it, and boost this economy. Hardcore, or man made drugs? Nope, they need to stay illegal, and more needs to be done about getting rid of them altogether.

  8. Anyone found guilty of crimes against a child or woman will be given the death penalty. I don't want a nation with child molesters, child abusers, rapists, and wife beaters.

  9. You are GONE, creepy clown doll.
  10. Creepy clown dolls would all be burned, or placed in a museum behind super-reinforced glass and iron bars, so people that like creepy clown dolls could go see them if they wanted to, but the creepy clown dolls can't be free to eat our souls.

  11. Fast food places would be highly regulated to where they would either have to drastically change their menus in favor of healthy meals, or shut down altogether.

  12. Marriage would be legal... all marriage... between 2 consenting adults, regardless of race, sex, religious affiliation, etc. We need to re-teach the world what love is, and restricting it teaches hate.

  13. Every woman gets a check, once a month, for things like chocolate, cheese, bread, ice cream, chips, wine, and tampons... if we are calmer during our monthly visitor, the world is a better place.

  14. Raises for US military. They are risking their lives; they deserve more money for that.

  15. Big corporations would have to donate at least 30% of their profits back to the community, or to a charity that they did not create. There's no reason for places like WalMart to be clearing billions of dollars each year in profit, and our school systems and towns are crumbling. Sheesh.

  16. Certain aspects of photoshopping will be made illegal. Retouching and airbrushing people to look skinnier, or healthier than they really are, will be a crime. If models don't want people seeing the black circles under their eyes, they need to sleep. We need to stop lying to the youth of America with ads and pictures that are photoshopped so much they no longer look like the person in the picture, and stop sending the message that the people in those pictures are real, because they aren't.

  17. Courtesy of TShirtBordello
  18. Natural healing, homeopathy, nutrition and alternative medicine would be made a legitimate healthcare option, and would be made available by my new healthcare system.

  19. Make nationwide courses on nutrition, spirituality (finding your spiritual self, not religion), nature conservation and going green, and preparing for the zombie apocalypse, readily available, and give people attending these classes a small tax break. These are all topics that need to be brought to light.

And just so y'all know, Will Smith would be my Vice President. He's saved the world from aliens, battled zombies, been a superhero, has been a cop, fought for a better life for him and his son as a salesman, and worked with robots. What better Vice President could you have?

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  1. Things I would do if I were President:

    1. Make GMOs illegal. We've messed with our bodies enough already.

    2. Take the warning stickers off everything, and allow no one to sue for their own stupidity.

    3. Build more libraries. With books. And fewer computers.

    4. Make all the schools community schools. Everyone could go to school, no matter their age. The schools would be open 24 hours a day. They would be places where people went to be a community. People could learn about all kinds of things because all kinds of people would be teaching classes. Parents could learn right along with their children. We could all learn to build those damn bookcases we all need. (Okay, maybe only the people who have MBTS syndrome need bookcases, but it's a pervasive problem.)

    5. Animals would be allowed in the city again. Dogs are way more irritating than a cow.

    6. No more fertilized lawns. Weeds are just as green as grass, and they typically require less watering. Plus, maintaining a green lawn may look pretty, but it's not practical. It just needs to be mown more often.

    7. Everyone would have to find a form of exercise they enjoy, and then do it. Love swimming? Go swim. Love beating the heck out of people? Go do martial arts or box. Love hiking? Go hike. Love baseball? Go play.

    8. Everyone would learn a second language in school, from kindergarten. We live in a global economy, people!

    9. We would have dessert with dinner every single day. A little dessert every day keeps the cravings away.

    10. Art would be everywhere. Our architecture would be interesting. Fountains would be built. Green spaces would abound.

    11. Love, peace, and happiness would rule the world.

    1. Books... great! Dessert... yes. Love... definitely. Art... hells yeah. No suing... yes, can't believe I didn't think of that one, lol. I love all of your ideas!

  2. Don't forget Will Smith has also been a prince! =) Tatted Mom for president!!

    1. Son of a... I knew I forgot something. Seriously now, why isn't he President???? LOL

  3. Replies
    1. Believe it or not, I dreamt this post. Woke up yesterday morning with it just flowing in my head, but spent the day with the kiddos, so this morning I hammered it out! Thanks!

  4. That was some great ideas you have got. I love about the nationwide healthcare being given. I just want everyone to have free access to care they need.