Thursday, April 5, 2012

Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog... Part 2

A little over a month ago, I posted the weird search terms people had used that led them to Inklings, in Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog.

My Inklingers, it's that time again. Over a month has gone by, and the results are amazing. So, in random order, here are my favorites, word for word, and my replies to whoever was searching for them.

"Pee pee dance long line"- Yes, it was in quotation marks and everything. I'm racking my brain here trying to figure out which one of my posts is about doing the pee pee dance. Can't come up with anything. But, since this was searched in quotation marks, was the person looking for an actual song? Specific lyrics? Hmm. Mine goes something like, 'Holy shit, please move, Gotta pee, Gotta pee, Seriously are you snorting coke in there? Gotta pee, gotta pee.' Hope that helps for the next person searching for pee pee dance songs.

Brush my teeth- Yes. You should. Twice a day. Seriously? I'm hoping it was a kid that searched this. Do you need directions? Put toothpaste on toothbrush. Insert in mouth, onto teeth. Move back and forth like you are having a seizure. There, mission accomplished.

Apartment thin walls diarrhea- First, I applaud this person on spelling diarrhea correctly. Second,
I feel ya on this one... I can hear every detail of my neighbor's morning routine upstairs... they play on their phone whilst crapping. And talk to themselves. (Sigh)

Can you suffer PMS while pregnant?- Hmm, dealing with a newly pregnant woman who is searching symptoms on the internet... must tread lightly, they are a very fragile breed. Or, dealing with a stressed out husband or boyfriend of a newly pregnant woman, which is also a reason to tread lightly. Can you suffer from PMS while pregnant? The answer is no. What you are experiencing are the increase in female hormones, which is also what occurs before your period, making you have PMS. So, in a sense, it's the same damn thing, but to ask if you can have period stuff during your pregnancy... no. (Look, you can learn things at Inklings, too, more than just how not to raise your kids!!)

Crazy bitch ladies- Why, thank you. And, they may have been happy with what they found here- spent over 6 minutes on the site, and jumped around to 8 pages. Not sure if they are a crazy bitch themselves and was looking for a support system, or some guy with a fetish, but either way, glad you found me via searching for crazy bitches. It makes me giggle.

Before I've had my coffee..
Disgruntled monster- Only before I've had my coffee, thank you.

Girls jiggle their belly fat- Umm... there aren't words. Maybe some high college kids looking for shit to laugh at on the internet? A weird fetish? What is it with weird fetish people finding my website. It's slightly disturbing... and funny as shit.

Husband's affair turns me on- Okay... glad to know that. Not sure how my blog came up when you searched this. Is your husband's affair with my blog? That would turn me on.

I'm gonna kill whoever woke me up- Point taken, I will not wake you up. Wondering why you had to google this, though. To see if there was anyone out there like you? Or to see if whoever woke you up confessed on the internet somewhere? Either way, go back to sleep, seriously. You seem to have some sand in your vagina if you don't get enough sleep.

I want to be a stay at home mom and my life sucks- Maybe, and this is just a thought, instead of googling how your life sucks, you could google ways to not make your life suck. Or happy pills. I want to be a stay at home mom, too, so I feel ya on that one, but life shouldn't suck.

Its not PMS its you- First, it's 'it's', not 'its'. Sorry, that's the nerd in me. Secondly, that made me giggle- seriously.

The Inklings of Life, Tatted Mom- Ever get that 'Oh shit, I have a stalker' vibe? Yeah, me, too.

Things not to say to a tattoo artist- AHHH!! I love this game. What is, "Crap, I don't have any money"? Or, "I want Rihanna's tattoo", "I want a tribal....", "I only have $20, what can that get me?", "Sorry, I forgot to shower this week," "Can you tattoo flames around my penis?" (yes, that's happened to me before)... and the list could go on.

Ryan Gosling fart- Yep, I had another search hit off of a weird Ryan Gosling fetish. It's amazing, though, that unlike in the last post, the Ryan Gosling fetish search phrase isn't my favorite this month. That means my favorite this month, must be amazing, right???

Here it is, my favorite of the past month...

Denture porn. What makes this one so amazing this month, is that on a different day, Extreme denture fetish  was also searched, and the results led them to my site. 2 different search terms, 2 different days, both have a weird denture fetish and were brought to Inklings. My blogging life is complete. Denture porn. Ahh, makes me laugh, so much.  So, for you, all I can say is 'Sorry about your fetish, but I'm glad you found my blog!'







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4 comments:

  1. Ha! And here I was thinking "antique green hydrangea" was a weird one...

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    Replies
    1. I think that's a weird one. I would have added that one to my list if someone used it to find Inklings. My reply would have been, 'Sorry, only black thumbs here.' LOL

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  2. Really, my stomach was already hurting. Really. I did not need to laugh so hard. Thanks to all your fetish stalkers, my day is complete.

    ReplyDelete