This isn't a pity party post, don't worry. It's pretty eye opening.
I bought this book recently; I've been waiting for this book to come out since I first heard it had been written, because it was written by a real-life-humor mom blogger, like me. I've been a big fan of hers since I started blogging, and to find out she wrote a book... holy crap, awesomesauce! So, I bought it last week. (If you've been with me for a while, you know that I don't usually name people or books when I do posts like this, because I don't want to drive traffic to my site that was intended for someone else... plus, I prefer to be honest, anonymously.)
|Excuse me while I scream about these|
courtesy of parentsconnect.com
But, yes, the book opened my eyes in a way I never thought possible, and made me feel completely alone.
Am I the only mom anymore who gives a shit? Seriously.
This book was full of her knowledge of being a mom, and it's not that content that was eye opening for me. It was the blurbs here and there that were anonymous confessions of other moms. I know now why they are anonymous. There were confessions about how some moms absolutely resent their kids for the stretch marks and saggy boobs, and how all babies, even their own, are uglier than sin, and how many of them don't even feel like putting on clothes that aren't covered in kid vomit and piss to go to the grocery store, and how, 'because they are a mom now' this should be acceptable.
What the hell happened to taking pride in things as a mom? Has that completely gone out of the window nowadays in favor of this "brutally honest real mom" bullshit?
Yes, I called it bullshit, which sucks, because I have prided myself on how my blog is a brutally honest real mom blog. I'm wondering if I have to change everything now because a few moms who don't give a shit have gotten together and said, "Hey, it's okay to not give a shit, because that's being a 'real mom' We will not strive to be our best now that we're 'just moms' so, please, join us in this movement of not giving a shit, either."
Holy crap this pisses me off. I started to wonder if I was the only mom out there who actually tries anymore, and when I fall short, yes, share it with my readers because that's my definition of being a 'real mom' with a 'brutally honest real mom' blog. I never went to the grocery store covered in kid vomit or piss when my children were young. Why? Because I didn't want the real world to see me like that. I took 3 effing seconds to find a clean shirt and throw it on (even if it was my husband's shirt). Is it because I wanted to hide the fact that motherhood isn't glamorous to society? Nope, I just didn't want to go out of the house in a shirt covered in kid vomit and piss. Damn. Any mother who has had children knows that motherhood isn't glamorous.
Do I resent my kids for the body I was left in after they were born? Hell no. I chose to have children, and I understood the consequences. Do I love my body now that I'm a mother? Most days, no. But I don't resent my children for it, or for the fact that I no longer can go out and do whatever I want (another mom confession in the book). You had a child. At least 18 years of having someone else completely reliant on you. If you didn't want to have to deal with stretch marks and a limited partying schedule, then you shouldn't have had kids. Seriously.
Does anyone else see the difference between, 'It sucks that I can't go out as much, now that I'm a mom,' and, 'I resent my kids because I can't go out as much, now that I'm a mom'? And, does anyone else have as much of a problem with the second statement as I do?
I am in no way, shape or form saying that I'm a perfect mom, or I am better than any other mom on this earth (except moms who drop their newborns in dumpsters- I'm better than them, definitely). But does the fact that I want to be a perfect mom have me in a minority of mothers nowadays? Am I the odd man out in society today because I don't want to go to the grocery store covered in kid vomit, or I want to make a nutritious meal at night that all of the kids will eat without bitching about, or I want to clean the house, or I want to interact with my kids on a regular basis and be an integral part of their future instead of hiding away from them at any given moment? Or because... gasp... I enjoy my kids' company??
Don't get me wrong. I've done my fair share of faking diarrhea so I can have 20 minutes to myself in the bathroom to sit on a closed toilet and play video games on my phone (don't forget to flush, twice, so they really think your stomach is upset, and come out of the bathroom with your hand on your stomach). I was the mom that put a fallen pacifier in my mouth to 'clean it' before giving it back to my kid. I tried my kids' baby food and, if I started making the same disgusting face that they had been and spit it out, we didn't have mashed up peas, carrots and turkey anymore. I taught my kids the lyrics to 'If you're sliding into first and you feel something burst...'.
|courtesy of zazzle.com|
But, I'm also the mom that grounds her daughter when she brings home a D, that sends my child to bed without finishing his dinner if he doesn't want to eat what has been put in front of him (I refuse to be a short order cook; if my kids won't eat the meal, I'm not making them chicken nuggets and mac and cheese just so they eat- they'll learn to eat what they are given), that showers daily, that puts on makeup even if I'm just heading to the grocery store (it's just powder and mascara instead of the whole 9 yards of makeup, but it's still makeup), that takes my kids for walks in the evenings after dinner if the weather is nice, that monitors what they watch on TV, that feels bad if the house isn't straight at the end of the day.
I'm really trying not to judge this new revolution of moms coming around, I really am, but to be honest, it's hard not to. I just want to shake them and say, 'Hey, you are a mother now- have pride in that. Try your best, and if you fail, just pick yourself up and try again, but don't wallow in the failure. Don't decide to quit pushing yourself because everyone else around you is doing the same. If you go this route that's gaining acceptance nowadays, I promise you, you'll wake up 15 years from now and wonder why the hell you didn't give more of a shit when it came to being a mother.'
I do wonder if I'm alone, if there are other moms out there who read these books or these other blogs and think, 'Holy crap, there's something wrong with that.' I wonder if I'm the only mom pissed off by this new movement. I wonder if I'm alone in wanting to be the best mom that I can be and not wanting to give up when the going gets tough. So, if you'd like, please share your opinions, even if you think that I am the only one that feels this way anymore.