Saturday, March 3, 2012

Exes are Like Diarrhea, and Other Saturday Randomness

Random funny picture to go along
with random post today...
It's a Saturday, and I'm up an hour before I'm usually up on the weekdays. Normally I fight this, but today I decided to make my cup of coffee and have some Mommy Time (no Ryan Gosling involved today).

Which means, for you all, randomness. The amazing type of randomness that only comes when I'm still half asleep and haven't had my coffee yet. Buckle yourselves in, this is me at my finest.

  • Today I'm taking the kids to see The Stinky Cheese Man theater production. I figured my family needed some culture. Yeah, that's right, so I'm taking them to a play about a stinky man. That's southern culture right there. Apparently it's some amazing kids' book that my son loves. Normally I research these things; this time I didn't. Definitely need to google that before they get up.
  • Yesterday was The Ginger's pre-surgery physical. I don't think I've quite let everything that's going to happen next week sink in yet. Which means I'll need valium next week, and damnit, I'm out of valium. And getting your prescription drugs from an actual doctor these days, especially your crazy bitch meds, is harder than trying to get a man to piss in the toilet instead of on the toilet. No wonder the prescription drug dealers on the streets are driving BMWs and Cadillacs.
  • I've been quitting smoking this week, and as I posted on facebook, the average number of cigarettes I smoked in a week: 60. Cigarettes smoked this week: 6. Average number of people I envision killing during the week: 10. Number of people I envisioned killing this week: 100. Quitting smoking increases my chance of living 90%, but decreases the chance of everyone around me living by 90%.
  • I'm a member of Top Mommy Blogs, which is a blog voting site. I'm getting frustrated as hell because votes are done on a monthly average basis, so Inklings was up to #32 overall, and #8 in the humor category, and now the new month has started, so the site is losing votes. We've slipped to #38 overall, #10 in humor. I'm not above bribing people for votes, not with actual objects or prizes, as that's against the site's policy, but with promises. I'll answer questions, post crazy ass pictures, sing, dance, get video of me dancing- whatever it takes, if we get in the top 25 overall. So, I sound like a broken record sometimes, but when you are done reading, hit the Vote button either at the end of this post or over there to the right of the blog in the sidebar. And share Inklings with your friends, please!
  • I've been doing some physical, emotional and mental cleansing since my sweat lodge experience last weekend, and I was asked this week by a friend if I ever miss any of my exes. I thought about it for a second, and realized this: Missing an ex is like missing a case of diarrhea; at first (as you remember the good stuff) it's warm and squishy, but then the reality of the situation sets in and you realize you feel disgusting, need a shower, and need to flush that sh*t out of your life.
  • People have asked me, when they hear I'm quitting smoking, 'Well, what are you using? The patch? The gum? The medicine?' No, but I am using one of those electronic cigarettes to help me with the nicotine fits and the actual motion of smoking (which any smoker knows is most of the problem), but I'm ashamed of it. It's so pretentious, and I'm scared of what people will think, so, I sneak out to my car while I'm at work and take a drag or two if I absolutely need it. I'm hiding my electronic cigarette usage like it's crack. How sad is that? 
  • The Girl had her top baby K9 teeth pulled this week because her permanent ones weren't coming down out of her jaw. Last night she and I were bantering back and forth before bed, and she called me fat. My reply? 'Why don't you go get ready for bed and brush your teeth... the few teeth you have left, that is.' Might have been construed as a little harsh, if you don't know this house, but we all laughed our asses off about it.
Ah, I think that's enough randomness for one day. I need to go shower and get ready for Stinky Cheese men.

Gotta love a random Saturday morning.

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  1. The stinky cheese man?! holey crap I haven't heard that name in years... :)

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