Thursday, March 29, 2012

10 a Day???

Disclaimer: Before reading any further, I must let you know that, if you are not a woman, it would be in your best interest to click onto another page now. Seriously, guys, this is women talk stuff. So go... Bye... see you for tomorrow's post... If you didn't click away, then don't say I didn't warn you.

Yes, this is technically a mommy blog. I write about motherhood, my kids, the crazy things that happen in this house. Above all, though, before I was a mom, a wife, a homemaker, I was a woman. With womanly problems. And sometimes I like to shed the mommy thing for a post or two, and be just me.

So ladies, today's post is like something I used to do in the past- Women's Talk Wednesdays. Only, today isn't Wednesday, and I haven't done it in a while, but I feel like just venting about stuff that only other women would understand. Here it goes...

I had one of the largest scares ever the other day. In telling my sister about it, I found out that apparently this is a common womanly problem. It was that time of the month for me, and I ventured to the bathroom to
remove a certain monthly aid. Took it out, and sat there for a second thinking that I didn't feel like putting another one in, so I would just utilize a pad and relax. I go to get up, and then thought that my initial line of thinking was stupid because there could be leakage, or shifting of the pad if I laid down on the couch, and I definitely didn't feel like dealing with that. So, I grab another tampon, unwrap it, and half way into the process, it stops.

WTF? Why won't it go anymore? Mother f... just... go... in.....


My panic set in immediately as I grab the new one and yank it out, and thoughts of, "Oh god, it's going to be up in there. Holy crap, how do I get it out? What if I have to go to the hospital like this? Oh, shit, this is just not good."

You're not thinking clearly, you don't take a second to think, 'Hey, look in the toilet and see if you took the other one out,' you are just in pure panic mode that everything needs to come out. So, what happens?

You go digging.

When that yields nothing, that's when a split second of clarity overcomes you, and you think to look below you in the water, counting... 1 tampon... 2 tampons. Well shit, I feel a little stupid now.

And for me, even though I just counted things, I refuse to put another one in right then. Too traumatic, thank you. I'll give her a breather for a little while, and we'll try the tampon thing in a few hours.

I shared my story with my sister, as she could see my edginess when I came out of the bathroom. She proceeded to tell me a story about how a friend of hers in college had to go to the campus clinic because she had gotten shit faced the night before and had a one night stand with a guy, while having completely forgotten about the tampon inside of her. So, (highlight of a campus clinic's nurse's day, I'm sure) she had to go have the extremely lodged tampon medically extracted from her vag. The kicker of the story (as if that wasn't enough) is that the clinic nurse told the girl that she does 10 of those a day.

You read that right. 10 tampon from vag extractions because of drunken sex... a day.

At that moment, I was very happy I got married at 18 and didn't go to college like 'normal' kids. Sheesh.

So, while my moment of panic wasn't as bad as it could have been, it still scared the hell out of me, and thankfully, I'm not the only woman this has ever happened to. Considering most women won't talk about this type of stuff, I figured I'd share my story so you all know you aren't alone.

Hell, you apparently wouldn't be alone if you forgot you had in a tampon and had drunken sex with a stranger. 10 girls a day at major colleges would be standing in line with you to have your tampon from vag extraction done.

Good grief.

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  1. I have never had this happen to me BUT I have heard a similar story about a night of drunken sex. I get that a guy may not notice it and she might forget. Totally. But the story I heard was about two girls. I have to wonder how a girl would miss feeling a tampon in another girl. Seriously. I think one has to consider just how drunk one was.

    1. LMAO! My head doesn't even wrap around that... Maybe I need to drink more coffee, lol.

  2. Oh my god. I laughed so hard, I almost spit my breakfast all over my computer. 10 a day! Wow.

  3. I laughed pretty hard at this too. And, it brought to mind a personal use product I just learned about that I'm not quite ready to blog about. :) Check out the Diva Cup.

    1. OMG!!! I sooooo have an idea brewing... Look for an email from me..... =)