Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Stop Me From Covering a Bed in Trash, i.e. Advice Needed

This morning, I'm in full on rant mode. So, I apologize now if bitching, ranting posts are not what you want to read at Inklings, because yes, they happen every now and then. I promise it'll be amusing, though, and at the end you get to open a can of whoop ass on me, if you'd like.

I've been on both ends of the spectrum- stay at home mom and working mom. So, with that said, I feel that, because I have experienced both sides of the story, my rant holds a little bit more water than someone who has only ever been one or the other.

Right now, I'm a working mom- have been for over a year now. I work 5-6 days a week and have 4 days a week with my kids. Don't worry if you think you haven't had enough coffee yet because your math on that one seems wrong, it's not. I generally have 2 full days off a week, and work 2 half days so I can be at home with the kids when they get out of school. Nonetheless, I still work at least 5 days a week, which means, the 2 days a week I have off are spent cleaning, grocery shopping, running errands, paying bills, blah blah blah.

So, basically, I never have a day off.

And generally speaking, moms don't have a day off, whether they are stay at home or working moms.

But here's where my ranting comes in this morning. When I was a stay at home mom, I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, baked, tended to the kids- ran a household. Hubby would come home from work and have a meal ready for him, the kids' homework done, clean uniforms in the closet, the house smelling nice and clean. It wasn't a dominance thing, or that he's a controlling husband or anything, running that household was my job and damn it, I'm going to do my job as best as I can.

So, it pisses me off when I hear about stay at home moms that don't do a damn thing.

I had a few customers last week, one of which was telling me about his son, and how his son's wife didn't work, but didn't clean, cook, do laundry, nothing, while her husband was at work during the day. She 'took care of the kid' and that was her 'job'. Then, she demanded money when the husband came home. The gentleman was telling me his son was getting ready to kick her out.

If that's the truth, that she does nothing during the day, then kick that lazy bitch's ass out on the street.

Another customer was a woman, who worked 1 day a week at her job. The other days she spent as a 'stay at home mom', she said, but while her daughter is in school during the day, she spends her time getting manicures, pedicures, and going shopping. The husband was telling me, while she was getting her tattoo done, that she hardly ever buys groceries, does laundry once a week, and the extent of her cooking is hamburger helper.

Must be nice, right?

Ladies, if you are a stay at home mom, then be a freaking stay at home mom. Run your household, take pride in running your household, and get the damn job done. I don't care if you are a new mother and have a 1 month old baby, or a seasoned pro with 5 kids, you can clean a house and cook a meal in the 12 hours of daylight there are each day. You can do a load of laundry or two. You can split up the days of the week into errand days, or cleaning days, or whatever, to get the job done. It's not impossible. But, do your part, because the person who is going to work each day, who is making the money, appreciates it, I promise. Even if they don't say it on a regular basis, there's something about working a full day and coming home to a comfortable home to relax in, that we do give thanks for so much.

When it happens, that is.

Here's where my ranting gets personal today. My hours of work are 11am-9pm on the full days I work, usually 11-4 or 11-5 on the half days. When I get home at a little after 9 at night, 98% of the time, I walk into the apartment, and it's a freaking mess. I live with my sister, and I have debated blogging about this so much, because she occasionally does read my blog, but when I've exhausted every other option, in the end, fuck it, it's my blog.

My sister works 3 days a week, when she goes in. Yes, they are overnight shifts, meaning most times she goes in at 8 at night and gets off at 8 in the morning (if she works a full shift), which I understand sucks to work, especially when taking into account the jacked up sleeping schedule. She watches the kids 2 days a week for me until I get off at 9, and then usually 1 day a week, we have to get my dad or another family member to watch the kids because sis and I are both working. But, on her 4 days off a week, she'll go to the grocery store and buy stuff she needs, do her laundry, and, well, that's about it. If the house is messy, I have to ask her to clean it, and then make her a list of what needs to be done. And, there's a 60% chance when I get home on those days, the list still won't be complete, and she'll say to me, 'Well, the day's not over now, is it?' If I don't ask her to do anything, she, in fact, does nothing. I've tested the theory on several occasions, with the same results each experiment.

And I'm sorry, I'll rephrase. She does nothing that contributes to the household. She does contribute to facebook games, and pinterest, regularly.

I've tried having talks with her, tried leaving her heartfelt letters, practically begging for some help around the house, and nothing changes. The trash piles up, the sink stays full of dirty dishes, the litter box doesn't get scooped out, the vacuum accumulates dust for lack of being used, the bathrooms are nasty, but it's okay, because she found all the hidden objects in the special room on her facebook game and pinned some more life goal ideas on pinterest. Oh, and she's well rested, because she slept for 10 hours and then took a 2 hour nap before the kids got home. So, no worries, right?

I've even tried talking to my parents about it, hoping they'll help me figure out a way to talk to her. (I know Mom reads my blog, so I'll probably get a phone call later today, but I'm working, Mom, on my day off, so if I don't answer, that's why.) My dad just says she's always been like that, and says, 'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' and my mom, well, my mom does things like, when I post on facebook that the cats woke me up at 6am on my only day off in a week, she comments and tells me to enjoy my time, relax and make sure my sister gets her rest before her overnight shift that night.

WTF, really? My only day off in a week and I'm to make sure my little sister gets her rest before her 1 of 2 shifts of the week?

Am I wrong in thinking that, if I'm working 5-6 days a week, for a total of more than 40 hours a week, and she's working 3 days a week, for a total, most weeks, of 20-24 hours (because she gets put on call most shifts), that she needs to help the fuck out at home? I've been on the stay at home mom side, and while some days I was exhausted, the only thing I ever asked hubby for was to take out the trash and clean up after dinner (because we have that rule that whoever cooks doesn't clean up). But I had no job. Do I need to be more understanding of the fact that my sister does have a job, and how I have one, too, so we're both working in the house?

Part of me can't believe I just asked that question. I work 40+ hours a week and spend my days off cleaning the apartment and grocery shopping. She works 20+ hours a week and spends her days off playing on the computer and sleeping. Fuck my previous question. Fuck understanding.

What do I do, Inklingers? I've tried a chore chart, that's posted on the fridge, and that lasted all of about 2 weeks maybe. I've tried talking with her, and the result of that is her getting pissy with me nagging, and her ranting about her job and how tired she is. I've tried being a bitch, I've tried being nice, I've tried doing absolutely nothing to see if she self-motivates... she doesn't. I'm on the verge of covering her bed with dirty dishes and all the trash in the house while she's at work one night. Seriously.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated here, unless you tell me to suck it up and do everything. I'm going so crazy here, that that's not an option, honestly.

Help! Please!

Addendum: I realized after a phone call and an email that I should add something to this post: I am in no, way, shape or form, saying that I am a neat freak or that all of the mess of the house is my sister's. Most of it is my kids, and they are making a routine to clean up after themselves, but when I'm not there, I do need someone to get on my kids' asses about that. Houses get messy by all persons living there, and help with the general upkeep is what my rant is about today. I don't expect my sister to clean up my shit for me, I can do it myself. And, I am thankful that she watches the kids, and helps them with their homework, and cooks dinner on the nights I'm working late. But, for instance, if the dishwasher is empty while you are cooking, fill it up with the dirty dishes as you cook. It's what I do when I cook, and makes it easier, on life, in general. Sorry for the confusion, and thanks for bringing to light how this post came across, so I could remedy that!

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  1. Ummmm, let me start by saying that I'm glad to safely be 6 hours away. Sorry that things are going this way. And I'm sorry for all of the chuckling (ok, laughing) I did while reading this. I just kept recalling the multiple conversations on the day we moved you about how she would gladly share a bathroom with the munchkins because of the makeup you left all over yours. Yeah, I'm still chuckling. Hope this goes well....

  2. Congratulations you have another kid! This is what I scream about to Dallas all the time I work 3 jobs and you can't even put your dishes in the dishwasher or put the cans in recycling even though when you go and get another soda it is right beside the recycling. I have left lists, threatened and screamed, taken away privileges but does it ever change no. I have decided there is two types of people in this world and every falls into one or the other so here they are productive and non productive. You and I are productive we put the needs of many and our responsibilities as top priority non productives are selfish and irresponsible and guess what it NEVER changes. Michelle is now 26 with 2 kids and does not cook, or clean or put the kids needs first and it is just basic things like dishes, and laundry, if you stay on top of it your are talking maybe a half hour a day. So I feel your pain and fortunately do not see a light at the end of the tunnel.

  3. Wow, I really wish I had some great words for you on this matter. I would say maybe letting her know that she is more than welcome to leave but then that puts you in a lurch with your children. Family stuff is SUCH a touchy subject. If I think of something creative to help you out I will definitely come back and leave it for you. I have to say your blog did open my eyes to the fact that my husband works two jobs and I only work one, while I do have a good meal waiting for him when he gets home I could definitely use to be a bit more cleaner. So thank you for todays blog!