Sunday, February 19, 2012

Sorry About Your Fetish, But I'm Glad You Found My Blog

About a month ago, I decided to set up Google Analytics on Inklings. For those that are in the dark a little, it's just a research device that collects data for me, like how many new people visit my blog a day, how they found it, how long they stayed on it. Now don't worry, it doesn't give me deep details, like IP addresses or anything, just overall demographics. It's quite useful in seeing where my traffic comes from and what people are actually reading while they are on my blog.

My favorite part of Google Analytics is seeing which search terms people typed, that brought them to my blog. I have basic ones like 'Coffee', 'Mom Clipart', and 'Marshmallow Igloo', that has taken people to specific posts on my blog.

Then there are some that even make me raise an eyebrow. Below I'm going to randomly list some of the more outrageous ones for you, word for word, and then my smartass logical replies to whoever was searching for them. And, if you are now a dedicated reader who entered in one of these search terms to originally find my blog, then, first off, Welcome, Glad to have you! Secondly, could you send me a personal email, so I know, for my own curiosity, why you were searching these things?? I'm dying here.

Calico Ghost Town Sexy- Am I missing something here? Is this some TV show I don't know about? Or, am I the only one that sees that these words do not go together at all? Wait, maybe Google is smarter than we think. Enter in random words together, get to a blog about being random. Good one, Google, good one, and thank you!

Crackear Begone- Crack ear?? Yes, if I had Crackear, I'm sure I'd want it to Begone, too. Immediately. Not sure how my blog helped you with that one, but thanks for stopping by!

Females With Eyebrow Rings and Short Black Hair- Female? Check. Eyebrow Rings? Not for about 3 years now. Short Black Hair? Oh, strike. But whoever it was clicked through four different pages on the site, but only stayed for 40 seconds total. Maybe they should have been looking up 'Females with Eyebrow Rings and Short  Black Hair with ADHD'.

Getting Crazy Mom- Pretty sure this search was not for anything rated below NC-17. Considering the person got on my page and immediately got off of it again, I'm sure it wasn't the type of getting off from a webpage they wanted.

Housewife Butt- Wonder if they had someone special in mind when they went searching for this. Again, they stayed for 1 second total then got off- well, not with the help from my blog, I'm sure...

Mom Losing Mind- Thanks, Google, for sending them to my blog. It's like you know...

Negative Talk About Being a Bitch- Something about that seems backwards to me. Since there is so much negative talk already associated with the word 'bitch', shouldn't you be googling 'Positive talk about being a bitch'? And, my whole post on being a bitch is about how it's a good thing.

Sexy Homemaker- Thank you.

Who Did I Hear In My House?- The boogeyman. A ghost. A psycho axe murderer. Tatted Mom. Wait... something's not quite right about that list.

Why is My Son Sticking Out His Tongue When He is Drawing?- Because it helps with his creativity, damn, you pretentious mom. Seriously? Had to Google why your son was sticking his tongue out while he was drawing? How about just ask him? Or, think of it this way- it's easier for him to stick his tongue out than it is for him to stick his finger in his nose. Be happy your kid is drawing instead of playing video games somewhere. Sheesh. I'm hoping you found my post about removing sticks from asses, but I'm sure you didn't get to that one, because the first page you clicked on didn't tell you why your son sticks his tongue out while he's drawing.

And this one, is by far, my favorite, not only because of what it is, but for the fact that it has been used more than once to find Inklings...

Ryan Gosling Pissing- I shared this one on facebook when it happened, and one of my readers said I should change my blog title to 'The Tinklings of Life'. That cracked me up. The only words I can think to say to the people who searched this are, 'Sorry about your fetish, but I'm glad you found my blog!'

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  1. I have had "go away evil air freshener" as a search engine term to find my blog...
    MY blog?
    This mommy blog here???

  2. That's absolutely hilarious! That's right up there with 'Who was in my house last night'...