In my search for blogs to add to my daily reading list, though, I've come to realize I'm a blog snob.
Yeah, I said it.
There are some things I've found on blogs that I've clicked on, that immediately make me click off of it. Then there are things I see that, after spending 10 minutes or so on a blog, make me think, 'Damn it, I just wasted 10 minutes of my life.'
I do understand that by posting this today, I may tweak the nerves of some mommy bloggers out there that find my blog. Please know that I don't mean to offend anyone today, this post is my opinion about what I look for in a blog to read. And, considering some of the top mommy blogs out there, that I happen to loathe, have a hell of a lot larger following than I do, then my opinion is just a small one in the grand blogosphere.
So, when looking to follow other mommy blogs, these are 10 things I've found, that has made me realize I'm a blog snob...
- It has to be funny. Not like, 'Oh, that picture of little Timmy with his clothes on backwards is cute' type of funny. I mean, 'Holy crap, that picture of little Timmy shooting milk out of his nose is hilarious,' type of funny. Being a blogger that prides herself on being honest about motherhood, I respect other mommy bloggers that do the same. So, lay it out there truthfully, say whatever you want, and if you make me laugh, I'm following you.
- It can't be what I like to call a, 'Look at little Suzy with spaghetti sauce on her face, isn't that cute? Now look at little Suzy going potty, isn't that great?' mommy blog. No offense, but I don't want to see 85,000 pictures of your kids from every angle imaginable, and knowing their damn bowel movement schedule. Those are family blogs, that should be kept private and only given out to family members, not ones that you find trying to get followers on major mommy bloggers websites. Why would you want to share every square inch of your kids' lives and your life with the entire world? It's creepy. You're asking for someone to kidnap your kids.
- It can't be a review or giveaway blog. And please, when you go to list yourself on these major mommy blogger sites, please state in your description that you are a giveaway blog. There's nothing worse than seeing an amazing intro for something like 'Come to the dark side and see the craziness from a mom with 25 kids all under the age of 3', and clicking on it to find that 'dark side' meant she did a review of keurig's dark magik coffee this week, and the only 'craziness' there is, is how many times a day she posts new giveaways. Yes, you may have 4000 followers, but do you actually contribute anything to the blogosphere? Have you said anything worthy of being called a writer, or do you just get free stuff in the mail and give it away to anyone who likes your page on facebook or becomes a new follower this week? 4000 people don't 'follow' you, they just want your free shit.
- I've come to learn that if the blog says something about being 'frugal', then it's a f*cking coupon blog. I look for tips on how to save money around the house, or new ways to budget, but every 'frugal' mommy blog I click on out there is 'Go here to print your $1.00 off hemorrhoid ass cream', then a post 4 minutes later about 'Get these deals at your local drugstore, today only!' All of these coupon blogs are the same; they all link to the same larger coupon sites, and they all post the same shit all day, and in my opinion, contribute nothing of worth to the blogosphere.
- It has to have an email subscription box. I'm a busy working mom. I hardly ever get on an actual computer each day, but I have an android phone that makes life easy for me. If I can have your blog posts emailed directly to me when you post them, then I'll be a follower. If I have to head to your actual blog each day to read it, chances are I won't, no matter how amazing it is. Call me lazy (like I said above, I prefer 'busy working'), but that's just how I blog roll. Get it? Okay, lame joke...
- Please don't post dead baby pics. You would think this isn't a requirement that needs to be listed, but so many mommy bloggers started writing because their kid had some kind of disease, and they wanted to share the story with the world. That's fine. But please, if the child or baby died, refrain from posting posting pictures of it dead. I have mental scars from spending almost 2 hours on a mommy blog one time, that, in her description made it seem like her baby won against the odds. The baby didn't, and the mom had pages upon pages of pictures of the baby, all dressed up, after she had died, with them posing with her like she was alive. Burned into my memory forever. If you feel the need to share these with the world, please put a disclaimer or something in your headline, 'Blog contains pictures of dead babies.'
- Adoption blogs. Sorry, can't stand them. Why? Because 99% of adoption blogs are people trying to adopt children from some third world country, and they want to get the word out about it so that people will help donate money to the cause, because it's so expensive. Why not adopt here in the US? There are so many children who are abused, or homeless, or starving, or being raised by the streets, in your own country, why are you spending 5 years of your life and $50,000 to adopt a kid from outside of your country? If I were to adopt (and I've thought about it before), it would be domestically, and I can't understand why these people don't do that. Help out your own country before helping out another one.
- Know the difference between you're and your, they're, their, and there, and know that this thing ->. is a period, which ends a sentence, to where after that, a new sentence begins (with a capital letter, don't forget!). I've been on some blogs, one in particular stands out, where the blog author had written a post on how to be a successful mommy blogger and gain a following, and there wasn't 1 sentence in the entire post that I didn't need to mark up with a red pen. In fact, her entire post, which was 5 paragraphs long, only consisted of what she thought was 5 sentences. She didn't know what a period was, and only used them at the end of her paragraphs. What angered me so badly, is I went back through her blog, and every one of her posts was like this, and she had more followers than me. Why? Because she did giveaways once a week. If you are going to write, know your shit, please.
- Don't post a dissertation. If I don't see either some way of breaking up the content like adding a conversation in, or some pictures or something, and it's 25 long ass paragraphs, I don't care if the winning lottery numbers are hidden somewhere in it, I probably won't read it (okay, maybe if winning lottery numbers are in it). If you go back through my blog, I take every opportunity to make bullet lists, or add in pictures, or pull out a conversation and make it a focus piece, in my posts. I understand people's attention spans are short, so I know I need to capture their attention (weird ass posting titles) and hold it by making it easy to read, something many bloggers need to learn.
- Put yourself into it. Even after all of this
bitchingexplaining I've done today, there are some very few exceptions, of blogs that fall into one of these categories above, that I do follow. Why? Because something about them just 'felt' right. Whether it was the person's description of themselves, or the style of writing they do, or the pretty, eye catching colors on their blog, but I get their posts sent to my email everyday, and read them. So, put yourself into your blog, write from your heart, and that's the best thing you can do to get followers, maybe even me.